Cabbage Patch Kid lookalike and awful pop singer Sean Kingston isn’t having too much fun currently. That’s because God has revealed himself to exist and try to kill him. Honestly he has. And in fairness to God, he’s done it in quite a spectacular fashion.
See, God looked at Sean and wanted to teach him a lesson. When Kingston sang about Beautiful Girls making him suicidal, our Lord God thought he’d give him a taste of death to see if he was being ‘real’ when he sang it.
And so, Sean is now in a critical condition after having a jet skiing accident after he collided with the business end of a bridge in Miami.
The pal of Justin Bieber, along with one other female passenger, was rushed to hospital over the weekend after crashing into a bridge really, really quickly.
Reports are saying that Sean Kingston definitely wasn’t drunk while careering around on his jet ski, but people are muttering about it anyway. There have been no details of what happened formally released.
However, Miami Catholic priest and children’s entertainer, Sean O’Donoimhennesuaghaghiamh, think that this is God’s work.
“You see these fellas with their gyrating dancing women – very much like Pan’s People’ that you’d get on the talking box in the 70s, when the Angelus was still good – talking about suicidal feelings, and you can’t help but wonder if ol’ big bollocks in the sky has had a look at it and thought ‘enough is enough’.”
“God, who we know is a beautifully spite filled, vengeful God, probably looked at this warbling wee fella and thought ‘Right. I’ll show you’. Bono once sang that He moves in ‘mysterious ways’… well… there isn’t any mystery about this! It’s as clear as the many chins on his Sean Kingston’s face!”
The priest added:
“Seriously though, if he wants someone to pray for him, I’m more than happy to appear on the local cable network to talk about it. We’ve got a two-for-one on funerals as well, so if they should tragically die, they should contact our church, St Dympna’s, and we’ll make sure any trips to Lourdes haven’t been in vain.”
The priest then made an Eoghan Quigg ‘vote for me’ face.
A spokesperson for the singer said of the incident:
“Sean Kingston was in an accident today. No further details are available at the moment. He and his family thank everyone for the well-wishes.”
Now, we eagerly await to see how forgiving God is.
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{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh dear, to be sure, to be sure.
This is THE most distasteful article i’ve ever read. Oh if it was your relative. Along with that priest; you both need to be pray for.
This entire article was a disgrace. This is someones child. You should be ashamed of yourself for writing such insensitive garbage.
rest in peas!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your an idiot if you think this happened cause he sung about being suicidal.. People sing about a lot worse.
Pls am from nigeria my name is garuba rabiat,pls wanna really know if sean is really dead.cos d rumor is rampart in lagos nigeria.thank u.
its sick that u wuld actually say that this is GODS work….i dont no about ur GOD but my GOD isnt malicious and hateful…..u seem to b both of these things and i think u shuld reconsider ur line of work DEAR PREIST……..
whoever the fuck made this is fucking stupid. stop being a disrespectful little cunt and shut the fuck up.
somebody call 911
dont talk shit about sean kingston you faggit
good blees you
Get Well Soon! ur The Best Friend’s Me ! :’)
Hey Sean I love your song letting go.Its my ringtone thats how much I love it.
i love u sean. When i heard i was soooo sad. Get well soon and cant wait till your out and writing more songs
thx JB!..
Get Well Soon! ur the best my Friend’s !
this article is sick. God does not punish out fo spite or hatred. God does not possess hatred nor would be mock someones “chins”. sick sick religious people you are.
How wrong you are. God hates chins. So much so that he sent his only son to die for our chins.
PS Write like Yoda you do.
you are such an awful, nasty, distasteful person! my God! I do hope there is some redemptive value in you. I Thank God that He is not a vengeful person like you.
God is a kind, forgiving, gracious and wonderful God. My God that inhabits my bible and my heart, will take his revenge as promised, however, I hardly think this is your comment on this issue is based on revenge. The Gok I know is quick to forgive, quick to save, quick to teach and counsel and help. And yes, if this is a lesson taught, take my word for it, it’s NEVAH! like you put it. Nasty! crawl back under ..please. Your putrid diatribe sounds like the snake God made to crawl on his belly for life!
That’s funny…the Gok I know likes to make middle-aged women stand half-naked infront of a mirror and cry…
i agree. there is no other word for this article other than bullshit. if you want to report a story, do it. but keep your religious crap to yourself.
hope u get well soon
I certainly agree with what the others have said. It’s undoubtedly your decision what God you believe in, but it must be a very sad and lonely place for you if your belief lies in an entity that hates with such a malicious intent as yours. I’m sorry for your ignorance and I will pray for your well-being; because it is very clear that there is something terribly wrong with you. I pray for Sean Kingston’s recovery.
who ever write this article realy puts the letter A in ASS HOLE!!..i mean gosh did you read what you wrote befor you published it………..wauw dumbest person eva!!
get well soon sean
See this is why religion is poison. No one who believes in God is a good person. You think he deserved that? Aren’t you supposed to pray for someone in a time of need? Yeah seems the Atheist wishing him better is more moral than the Christians and Catholics once again.
Listen, listen, listen — I didn’t create the effin Universe for you lot to chat shit about whether or not I am complete-all-powerful-bastard or just a little-bit-of-a-grumpy-bastard-that-you-probably-wouldn’t-want-to-speak-to-in-the-morning-until-he’s-had-a-coffee. Don’t you think there are deeper questions you could be asking?
And whilst we are on the topic of smite related “accidents” – I haven’t sorted out that clunge-wort Simon Cowell yet – do you think I am going to be wasting my time on this Kingston fecker? Jesus H Christ NO!
THE WORST THING I EVER READ AS WELL TO THE PRIEST HOW CAN YOU CALL YOURSELF A PRIEST TALKING THIS WAY ABOUT SOMEONE THE PRIEST ALWAYS THINK THEY ARE RIGHT BUT NO ONE IS PERFECT AND IN THE BIBLE IT SAYS THERE IS NO SIZE TO A SIN THE PRIEST IS A SINER AS WELL AND YOU ARE TALKING LIKE THIS FUCK U STR8 UP U DIE!!! GOD BE WITH SEAN KINGSTON HE WILL BE OK HES DEF IN MY PRAYERS ALONG WITH THAT PRIEST!!!
It’s called trolling morons.
omg i hope u feel well i love u god blesses u every 1 want u to be well nd hope u could sing again k bye.
i cant believe some of these comments. this guy is in the hospital on the verge of death and all yall can do is sit here and criticize him for making a mistake. so he thought he could make it under something and didn’t realize that he couldn’t until too late, he was just trying to have a good time. how about you spend some more time wishing him well instead of calling him fat.
Christ… sorry, God (he looks like you), I expected a much better link than that.
Wait, what does parallel mean, again?
God does stuff for reason , dude whoever made this need to go to fucking hell for saying this shit , fucking low life damn people . i dont know your god at all cause our god is nice and good not fucking mean ass bitches . FUCK YOU !!
ite sean get better bruv if eny of yous chat shit aboult him i bang you out ps get well mate
OMG you’re a total idiot for writing this crap!!! Mof Gimmers…wtf ever kinda name that is….it must be such a burden to be so God damn perfect as you. I have never see so much disrespectful bullshit in my life as the garbage you put in this. How you could ever even bring God into this is sickening, least of all to say he’s teaching him a lesson because of some song lyrics. I deal with a lot of stupid uneducated people on a daily basis….but you my dear have taken the cake. God showed him death because he sang about a woman making him suicidal…..with the bullshit that you go on with it would be a pleasure to see how God “teaches” you a lesson…….grow the fawk up idiot and stop attacking people when they’re sick or injured. You want to throw rocks…throw them at your own glass house jackass……
God obviously missed becouse that shit bag kingston is still alive.
Well, this is the most disgraceful piece of bullshit I’ve ever seen in my entire life. He is somebody’s SON, somebody’s best friend. Beautiful girls is an amazing song and so what if he says he feels suicidal when girls leave him…talking about how much he loves them. what is wrong with you? you use religion and god in every whole and crack just to fill out the space.The fuck, i don’t even believe in god
You are all dumb-asses. Seriously, I hate all of you.
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