Screech From Saved By The Bell Almost Mugged By Girl
Some people just can't get a break. Just look at Dustin Diamond – not only will he forever be the irritating one from Saved By The Bell, but he's forced to hawk T-shirts to save his house. And now he's almost been mugged. By a girl.
Just to prove that in real life there's no Mr Belding to halt wrongdoings with a quick "What's going on here?" delivered with his hands on his hips and a comically sad shake of the head, Dustin Diamond – Screech from Saved By The Bell – has revealed that a woman tried to mug him of his computer games on Monday morning.
Even in Saved By The Bell, life never cut Dustin Diamond any breaks. While AC Slater and Zack Morris went off to bigger and better things, Screech ended up back at his old school as Mr Belding's slave. Even Jessie Spano's later career of dancing around naked until the posh man from Sex And The City jizzes in his pants must've been preferable to that. But that's just Dustin Diamond's fictional worry – real life has been even harder for him.
You'll remember that Dustin Diamond recently started selling 'Save Screech's house' T-shirts to stop a foreclosure notice on his home, but it seems as if all this garment-selling has attracted the wrong kind of attention – a woman apparently tried to mug him in Nebraska early on Monday morning. According to Dustin Diamond himself, a female fan followed him to his hotel from a sold-out stand-up date at the Funny Bone comedy club in Omaha and… well, this is what Dustin Diamond told E! Online:
"I wake up and go to the bathroom and all of a sudden I hear this pound-pound-pound at the door. I look out and see this girl with her hair hung down and I didn't put it together right away that it's the girl at the club… she's at the door screaming, 'Come on, Screech, my phone's in there.' And clearly just being a comedian, I'm like, 'Yeah yeah where is it?'"
At that point, Dustin Diamond got hotel security to remove the girl and all was forgotten about, until Dustin opened his hotel room door to go and catch an early morning flight. And that's when the apparent attempted mugging happened. As E! Online reports:
"Somehow she got back in and is now holding a can of Mace up," he recounted. "I'm freaked out and jump back and she says, 'Where's the money, come on, tell me where it is, and she's trying to look through my bags.'" Diamond managed to call 911 and the hotel security. He said he tried to "give her a house shirt to make her go away," referring to the T-shirts he's been hawking to save his Wisconsin home. Then, he said, "she grabs my PlayStation Portable games, said, "This will have to do," and goes running out the door. "I'm a big gamer and you don't mess with the D-man's videogames," he said. Diamond, an alum of Celebrity Boxing 2, said he tried to stop her but she yelled, "Rape!" and "Help me! I'm thinking great, this is all I need."
After the police were called, both Screech and his alleged attacker gave statements, but no charges were made against anyone involved in the incident. Now, if we were Dustin Diamond, we wouldn't let an opportunity like this pass up – we'd be straight down the printers making up a batch of 'I tried to steal Screech from Saved By The Bell's PSP games and then cried rape when he attempted to stop me' T-shirts. In fact, we'd probably imagine that it's only a matter of time before Dustin Diamond does exactly this.
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Poor Screech – dude can’t catch a break!
Screech was probably caught with his pants down.
Most likely, he hooked up with a local after the show. She probably left he cell phone behind, and got ugly after Screech tried rushing her out for the second time. At that point she probably wanted payola, and since Screech probably wasn’t carrying much cash, she threatened to make a scene (blackmail, as Screech is married).
PS There is nothing wrong with my previous entry. I worked in forensics; my conjecture is very plausible.
How dare you? Dustin Diamond is both a genius and a living saint.