Blue?s fairly average effort at the Eurovision Song Contest over the weekend, in which they discussed the merits of a mysterious figure named ?Ican?, brought to light an interesting political phenomenon north of the border (in Scotland, yeah?).
On realizing that even Jedward were better than the UK entry, several sources on the Twitter could be heard muttering darkly that this was as good a reason as any to vote ?yes? to Independence in Big Eck?s referendum.
A lot of people in Scotland will tell you they voted SNP t?other week on the grounds that they did a pretty decent job of the last four months in government; because their traditional faith in the Lib Dems has been bummed to within an inch of its life; or because they were inherently disgusted by the prospect of Labour leader Iain Gray?s toupee-like hair representing the nation at international events, behaving like a ferret on ketamine. But that's all lies. What the Scottish people really want is to be able to put forward their own entry to the Eurovision.
?Just imagine it,? voters whispered dreamily to themselves at polling stations up and down the country, ?if we were independent from the rest of the UK, we could alternate SuBo and The Proclaimers year after year, winning every competition and building our entire infrastructure around sequins, pyrotechnics and wind machines. The ship yards could reopen, but instead of building boring old ships, hundreds of big beefy men would be crafting set pieces for the show.?
And think of the VT interludes! What a chance to show the country in all its wonderful independent diversity. The West Highland way, littered with the forgotten bones of English ramblers. Highrise tower blocks stand out dramatically against dusky pink sunsets, the cries of agoraphobic elderly tenants faintly discernible above the howling of the gulls. Homeless people line the streets, picking at the remains of discarded Mars bar suppers before organizing a rendition of Auld Lang Syne as one performs a shuffling pas-de-basques.
Our prodigal sons could return home, too. A source lied,
?Alan Cumming freakin? hates living in New York. How could the bright lights of the Big Apple possibly compare to the bustling nightlife of Kirckaldy??
Meanwhile we have it on authority that if Sir Sean of Connery has to eat any more paella in his tax-free Spanish villa, he?ll likely explode from boredom. A Scottish Eurovision entry could save him that pain, giving him reason to live again. Maybe he'd even return to acting, and goodness knows we need performers of his versatility to whip amateurish youngsters like James Franco and Jesse Eisenberg into shape.
So watch out, Europe. Pending a successful referendum and several severe changes to the Scotland Act that would have to be approved by both the Queen and the decisively unionist Prime Minister David Cameron, an independent Scotland will be coming atcha in 4-5 years with the catchiest entry since Waterloo.
Imagine, a Scottish hosted Eurovision. It's a wonderful dream. And this might even be the song to take us there.
This was a guest post by Ali George, and it’s not racist cause she’s as Scottish as kilts and castles, and writes words over at 12books12months