Hip-hop may have the jump on aggressively boorish behaviour for now – but thanks to the exploits of one-man army Scott Stapp, the world of piss-poor Jesusy sub-Pearl Jam post-grunge whiny rock music is playing catch-up as hard as possible.
Scott Stapp's latest attempt to look like the world's biggest twat involves domestic abuse. Or at least it involves something along the lines of domestic abuse, but nobody is giving too much away. Yesterday Scott Stapp was arrested and charged with one count of domestic assault with intent to commit a felony, although police are saying that nobody was injured in connection with the charges. It's just left up to us to try and work out that the hell that means. Well, obviously we know what that means – it means that Scott Stapp is a tit – but we need to work out exactly what kind of tit Scott Stapp is. Any help gratefully received.
No matter how things bad, we know that we can always look in the mirror and realise that we're not Scott Stapp, and then things tend to get better. We know that, unlike Scott Stapp, we've never written pro-Christian songs comparing our heads to prisons, or soundtracked Scream 3. We also know that, unlike Scott Stapp, we aren't weirdly compelled to keep doing a stream of ridiculous crap that makes us look like pathetic dicks in front of the whole world.
Scott Stapp and dickish behaviour go way back, you see. In 2005 Scott Stapp beat up members of mostly-forgotten band 311, an act which he followed up the subsequent year by being arrested for drunkenness at LAX airport the day after his wedding. Fearing that this act would only grant him a Hasselhoff level of dickishness, however, Scott Stapp then went on to star in a sex tape with Kid Rock that he wouldn't stop moaning about.
A whole year has passed since that flurry of Scott Stapp nobbery, though, so Stapp needed to celebrate the anniversary somehow – and he's been arrested and charged with assault related to domestic violence for it. ABC News knows little more than we do:
[Sheriff's office spokesman Paul] Miller declined to identify the victim and said he had no information about any physical violence. "We don't know exactly what occurred here," said Miller. Stapp, 33, was married a year ago … to former Miss New York Jaclyn Nesheiwat. Nesheiwat declined to comment Sunday night. "It's just a rough time," she told The Palm Beach Post.
If the worst really happened and Scott Stapp's domestic violence was targeted towards his wife or child, then at least he'll be able to kick back for a while knowing that his dickishness will be all maxed out for a good few months. The trouble will come when Stapp attempts to top this arrest, however – short of machine-gunning a nunnery we're not too sure where Scott Stapp can go from here.
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