There are many ways to describe Scarlett Johansson. 'The most iconic actress in a generation' perhaps, or 'a phenomenally gifted young starlet' – but we probably prefer 'Tom Waits with better knockers.'
Which is just as well, because it's being reported that Scarlett Johansson has signed a record deal; and the first Scarlett Johansson album to hit record shelves will be an adorable collection of songs entitled Scarlett Sings Tom Waits. Presumably this means that Scarlett Johansson will be singing a selection of Tom Waits covers, and not the hits of The Cheeky Girls, Charles & Eddie, Haddaway and Return Of The Mack by Mark Morrison with all the lyrics changed to "Tom Waits Tom Waits Tom Waits" like we had originally thought. Shame.
There is literally no end to the talents of Scarlett Johansson, who has a list of talents so long that you'd instantly become both impotent and sterile if you even so much as looked at it. So here it is – Scarlett Johansson is sexier than you, Scarlett Johansson has better boobies than you, Scarlett Johansson has had more naked photoshoots with Keira Knightley than you and the trainers that Scarlett Johansson designed for Reebok were way better than the bag of shit shoes you came up with. On top of all this, we hear that Scarlett Johansson is also some kind of actress.
In the past, we were slowly becoming convinced of Scarlett Johansson's innate common sense; she realised that acting was a bit pointless early on, she's happy to use her fame to discuss HIV and – most importantly – she reportedly turned down both the lead role in Andrew Lloyd Webber's horrible stage production of The Sound Of Music and a guest vocal spot on the new Meatloaf album. Finally, we thought, here's an actress who refreshingly doesn't harbour secret desires to be a singer. How wrong we were. IGN reports:
According to reports on both Entertainment Weekly and Fox News, the latest silver screen siren to venture into the recording studio is Scarlett Johansson. While at first glance the smoky voiced 22-year old may seem like a strange choice to be a singer, Johansson debuted her mellifluous vocal talents earlier this year on the charity album Unexpected Dreams: Songs From The Stars. Johansson's contribution to the record was a cover of the Gershwin classic "Summertime." For her solo album debut, however, Johansson will dispense with the globally recognisable standards and go for a more eclectic route. Her full-length recorded endeavour is rumoured to be titled Scarlett Sings Tom Waits and is scheduled to be released on the newly resurrected Atco Label.
What this means – apart from the fact that listening to a 22-year-old Hollywood actress scream and honk like Tom Waits is bound to be profoundly unsettling – is that Scarlett Johansson is now joining an elite group of Hollywood stars who think that people love them enough to buy their records. Sometimes the results work (the new Juliette Lewis album is surprisingly great), sometimes they don't (hello Bruce Willis and Minnie Driver) and sometimes they're downright confusing (Johnny Depp's sea shanty album, Joe Pesci's Vincent LeGuardia Gambini Sings Just For You).
Which category Scarlett Johansson's album of Tom Waits cover versions falls into remains to be seen, but at least when she's in the recording studio Scarlett will have some precious time where Woody Allen isn't pestering her to bend over in front of him so he can look down her top again.
[story by Stuart Heritage]