Scarlett Johansson – one of the most beautiful actresses in the world who could literally take her pick of any man alive – has just got married.
But who has Scarlett Johansson got married to? A king? James Bond? A philanthropic playboy billionaire? Pre-goose Fabio? No. Scarlett Johansson has got married to Ryan Reynolds – the man who you’ll probably recognise as the bloke you wanted to punch square in the face for the entire duration of that Definitely, Maybe film your girlfriend made you go and see.
Apparently Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynold’s wedding was a small, quiet affair attended by only a handful of people. That’s not to say that more people weren’t invited – they just never got round to replying because they’ve all been scratching their heads and going “Ryan Reynolds? Why?” ever since the invitations arrived.
When most people watched Van Wilder, their main thoughts were probably either “If this film doesn’t finish instantly I’m going to thumb my bloody eyes out,” or “Why am I watching a film that revolves around someone eating a doughnut filled with dog semen?” But not Scarlett Johansson.
When Scarlett Johansson saw Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder, she thought “Who is this sexy hunk of sex photographing a bulldog getting wanked off into some cakes? I don’t care if his face is obviously too small for his head – he must be mine!”
And now he is. By some absurd quirk that we’re going to put down to either brain damage or long-term hypnosis, Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got married this weekend. People reports:
Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds made it official with a wedding this weekend, Reynolds’s rep, Meredith O’Sullivan, confirmed to PEOPLE. Attended by only a handful of close friends and family, the ceremony was held at a remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver, B.C.
A remote wilderness retreat outside of Vancouver? Wait, that’s… isn’t that… all of Canada?
Anyway, this news isn’t a huge surprise, because Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds got engaged back in April. Back then, however, they both made out that it was going to be a long, relaxed engagement that wouldn’t result in anything for ages – not that they were going to wait five months, then run off to get married down the woods.
But still, as inexplicable as this wedding is, at least both Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds can look each other in the eye and know that they’re both a step up from their last partners. That’s because one of the last women Ryan Reynolds was with was Alanis Morissette, and after he dumped her she wrote an album all about what a twat he was. And one of the last people Scarlett Johansson was linked to was Justin Timberla…
OK, no, we take that back. Scarlett Johansson hasn’t done very well out of this marriage at all, has she?
JD says
Ryan who?
Catherine says
Yes, it’s a mystery why she’d want him…
http://tinyurl.com/2c9xyj
Amber says
Uhm… I think they’re equally attractive, and they look good together. I don’t know any red-blooded woman who wouldn’t pick Ryan Reynolds waaay over Justin Timberlake. They’ve both traded up, if you ask me. Scarlett even more so.
No doubt, Ryan Reynolds hasn’t made the best choices in movie rolls, but neither has Scarlett.
Serge says
Scarlet Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,has nothing with acting career,was created from stolen biomat.Original Scrlett Galabekian last name is nice,CHRISTIAN lady.Clones(not1)made in GRMANY,leader manufactrer of humans clones,it”s in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,Bavaria,H.Kohl home twn.Original family didn”t authorize activity with stlen biomaterials,it”s all should go to Cedars-Sinai MedCenter in LA.Clone control is US Army job.Original Scrlett wasnt engage,by the wy
Beth says
I would totally marry Ryan Reynolds. After all, they “de-bark” dogs all the time, so I’m sure I could find a surgeon to permanently mute him.
Julian Mentat says
Maybe he can lick his eyebrows?
me too says
Check him in Blade the Trinity….I love him
me101 says
I actually think that Ryan is more handsome that Scarlett, and She anit that great actress, so I don’t know why this article put him down. That’s my opinion. He’s hot! She’s not!
demetria says
dnt knw who gave who the rite to judge bt if u ask m, ryan reynolds rocks n personally i wld’ve jumped at the first chance of marrying him. so who cares if he got himself hooked with “the most beautiful woman in the wworld”? who said she’s the most beautiful one anyway? i mean hallo??? she’s pretty thats 4 sho n so he is. i think they r just a pair made in heaven….go scarlet go ryan u guys surely r the best!!!!! xo xo xo