You probably fancy Scarlett Johansson, even though you might need three or four attempts at writing her name before you’re convinced you’ve done it correctly. Even so, you think ‘great rack!’ or whatever.
When she split with her husband Ryan ‘Who He?’, many of you will have started daydreaming about a time when maybe, just maybe, you might bump into her and you’ll fall in lust with each other for a night of passion.
Well forget about it. Why? Johnasson is apparently now stepping out with pumice faced thesp, Sean Penn. A man, we assume, is yearned for because of his talents.
Naturally, we have to make the obligatory mention of the age difference. Scarlett is, of course, ‘Fit Age’ and Sean is ‘Well Over One Hundred Years Old’ – he must be as he had sex with Madonna when she was but a itty bitty thing.
Apparently, Scarlett and Sean (a couple can’t merge the names of in a sufficiently tabloidy way, unless you don’t mind us calling them ‘Scean’, which sounds a bit like ‘Scone’) first bumped their uglies together in January while staying at LA’s notorious Chateau Marmont hotel.
We say ‘notorious’ but we have no idea why.
The pair apparently bonded over the completely erotic topic of charity work in Haiti. Yes, really. All that disaster is enough to give anyone a hard-on/wide-on right?
A source blithers:
‘Scarlett first reached out to Sean when she was planning to visit Haiti with Oxfam,’
‘She knew Sean was living there in a tent and turned to him for advice.’
Sorry? What? She fell for him because he was living in a tent? What is this? Hollywood A-List Hottie (trademark Nuts) falls for wealthy hobo?
The source adds:
‘Scarlett’s smitten with him’
So there you have it. Another couple who will get muttered at when they walk down the street together in a ‘what is she doing with that?! He looks like a perished shoe’.