Scarlett Johansson Cares More About her Google Alerts than Pedophiles


As someone who usually really likes Scarlett Johansson, I find it really difficult to write about how much of a fucking idiot she’s being, but here we are. In case you didn’t know, back in February, Woody Allen’s adoptive daughter with Mia Farrow, Dylan, wrote on op-ed piece in The New York Times about how her dad was a total pedophile and touched her inappropriately as a child.

She called out a bunch of celebs, including Scarlett, and the rest of Hollywood for still working with and praising the man who a) allegedly molested her, and b) 100% diddled her teenage sister and then left their mom for said sister. Well, now Scarlett is striking back and calling Dylan “irresponsible” for calling her out. Yeah, and next week maybe she’ll call her “irresponsible” for going into the attic alone with Woody when she was a kid. Oy Vey!

So, you might be asking yourself: “How on Earth was it irresponsible for Dylan Farrow to call out Scarlett and other celebs in her op-ed piece? Maybe a little unnecessary, I guess, but irresponsible?” Well, according to Scarlett, in her new interview in The Guardian, that bitch Dylan didn’t think about how her article would effect all those poor celebrity’s Google Alerts! No, I’m not joking.

Scarlett said:

I think it?s irresponsible to take a bunch of actors that will have a Google alert on and to suddenly throw their name into a situation that none of us could possibly knowingly comment on. That just feels irresponsible to me.

Ok, hold the phone. Let me just step back a second here and look at the big picture and explain it to you, Scarlett.

1) This wasn’t Dylan Farrow’s initial accusation. It’s not like before this op-ed came out, no one had heard about her accusing Woody of molesting her, because that was kind of a big known thing, just like it’s a big know thing that he started having sex with his former step daughter when she was in her late teens and then went on to marry her.

2) Even though everyone in Hollywood knows all this true and accusatory shit about Woody Allen, they still choose to work with him. When you choose to work with a big name Hollywood director who has been involved in a big scandal, you have to anticipate that maybe some day someone might ask you about it or associate you to it. It happens.

I mean, it’s not like Dylan asked your goddamn opinion about the thing, she just said “This guy is a blatant pedophile and you’re all cool with that? What is wrong with you people?”

But pedophilia isn’t Scarlett’s biggest concern right now (which is odd, since she’s a mom-to-be, and when I become a mom I assume pedophilia will be my BIGGEST concern thanks to all the goddamn Law & Order: SVU I’ve watched), no, Scarlett’s is more pissed about the fact that her fucking Google Alerts are waking her up all night because her name was dragged into this shit show.

Calling out victims of sexual abuse for calling you out? Well, we all know what this calls for: