Every now and then a story comes along that breaks the heart of every deluded creepy pervert in the land. Deluded creepy perverts, this one's for you – Scarlett Johannson isn't promiscuous.
Yes, yes, we know it's upsetting. The fact that Scarlett Johansson isn't chronically addicted to having sex with lots of men all the time does reduce the likelihood of Scarlett Johannson ever deciding to have it off with you somewhat. But look in the mirror – even if Scarlett Johannson did want to boff every single man alive into a quivering mass of flesh-coloured jelly, you'd still find yourself somewhere towards the end of the queue. Anyway, we're not sure why Scarlett Johannson decided to tell a magazine that she wasn't a man-hungry nymphomaniac, but it's something that's clearly been on her mind.
Who knows why Scarlett Johannson has felt the need to tell Allure magazine that she wasn't promiscuous. Maybe it's because Scarlett Johansson is tired of people thinking that, just because she's got the best bazzers in Hollywood, she'll rub them in your face if you buy her a pint. Or maybe it's because Scarlett Johannson is the sexiest woman alive at the moment, and part of the job description is to have lots of indiscriminate sex with as many blokes as she can lay her hands on. Either way, Scarlett Johansson wants to put the record straight.
Just because Scarlett Johannson has realised that letting Woody Allen look up her skirt now and again when he thinks she's not looking will land her a constant stream of critically-acclaimed movies that nobody goes to see, it doesn't mean that she's promiscuous. In a recent interview with Allure, Scarlett Johannson – who is currently dating charisma-vacuum Josh Hartnett – said:
"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not promiscuous. There does seem to be a mistaken belief out there that I am sexually available somehow – which is not to say that I'm not open-minded about sex… yet I wouldn't say I'm a serial monogamist, either. I mean, I went through periods of time when I was, ah, single. But when I'm in a relationship, I'm in a relationship. I do think on some basic level we are animals, and by instinct we kind of breed accordingly. But as much as I believe that, I work really hard when I'm in a relationship to make it work in a monogamous way."
Good for Scarlett Johannson – in these times of pregnant teenstars, it's refreshing to see an actress who'll stand up for her beliefs and say that she's not afraid to not sleep with loads of men when she isn't seeing the bloke from Pearl Harbour. However, Scarlett Johannson might want to rethink her next few roles now that she's decided to keep it in her pants. Sure, a turn as Mary Queen Of Scots is innocent enough, but following by starring as Queen Wobblyboobs Bigtits in a movie called Revenge Of The Sexy Aliens From Planet Bikini Sexpest? Not the best idea, is it?
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[story by Stuart Heritage]