"Can I have a coffee, black with two sugars" Whatever you say, Rupert Everett!!

MORE CRAZY QUOTES…

"I have to go now" Don’t let us stop you, Fred Durst!!!!!!

"The answer’s Lima. Definitely." But what’s the question, Jake Gyllenhall?!!!

"My wife has just died" Boo hoo, Abs from Five!!!!!!!!!!!

"The only true wisdom comes in knowing that you know nothing." And that sums you up, Socrates!!!!!!!!!

"I’m hungry" Well that’s given us all food for thought, Jade Goody!!!!!!!!

"I didn’t do anything wrong, and I’m not saying sorry" Jeez, get over yourself, Michael Barrymore!!!

"I am the I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" Give it a rest, Jesus Christ!!!!!

"Freeze! Do not move!" Freezing is so last season, Mr Policeman!!!!!!

"Put your hands above your head" Like, whatever you say, Officer!!!!!!!!

"This is your final warning" Aaah!! Help!!!!?

[Note to readers and lawyers: this is fiction / satire. It could be true, but it isn't...]