If Sarah Palin wasn’t a politician, she’d be hilarious. Think about it. She’s a gun-toting, slackjawed moose-for-brains who garbles her words and thinks that it is totally okay to use gun-targets in association with her political rivals.
Had she been the invention of a satirist, you’d laugh like a drain at each dunderheaded move she made.
Sadly, she’s horribly real and has gone about invigorating the kind of American that makes the rest of the world wince with discomfort. And no-one has ever seen her blink, even when she said that outrageous ‘death panel’ comment.
And why is Palin so terrifying? Well, for a start, she allows her belief in Jesus to oppose abortion including some cases of rape and incest, while being totally cool with being a life-member of the NRA, which means she can shoot living things if she wants, as long as they’re not growing inside a sac.
She also doesn’t want gays to get married. We can only assume that she’s opposed to same-sex unions because their celebrations of the event will be more fabulous than a thousand series of ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’.
So it goes, that Sarah Palin’s TV show is to be cancelled much to the chagrin of all those television critics who enjoying giving it a kicking every time it was transmitted.
That’s right fool-fans, there are no plans to record footage of Palin shooting a moose in the face with a gun any more. Shame. Those moose kids really love it when someone captures their ‘best side’ being blown clean off by a hooraying simpleton with a penchant for rolling big words around her mouth like a cat flicking at an ulcer with its tongue.
Sadly, this means that Palin will probably be running for office now. So instead of watching Eskimo bingo, we’re going to have to endure her talking about her North Korean allies and her self-proclaimed likeness to Shakespeare.
Brilliant. We’re all doomed. Where do we sign-up for one of these death panel things we’ve been told about?
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Cindi Gluchowski says
This article is written by a poorly informed person. This country needs values and integrity which from your writings is something you are unaware of. Sarah Palin who I know personally is a wonderful woman, mother and leader. Let me say this simply .. she has made her name what have you done? You need to research your information as it is very apparent you have not done your home work. You call her a gun toter, well is that what you would call John Wayne or the indians of this country. It is the knowledge of guns that is lacking in this country. Knowledge is power and to use a gun properly is what it is about. Tell me do you eat meat? I guess you will be telling me next that the meat you are eating just happened to be in the market. Grow up….
Kenneth bronk says
Spot on, it’s about time the wizard is revealed!
jim howard says
Cindi:
I can use a gun properly and still shoot people. It’s not about proper usage, but about respect for other human beings.
I’m sure that Sarah, in her town, might be an upstart woman. But the image she portrays, and the communications she sends via Twitter, television punditry, Facebook, and all other means create a particular impression and image. And frankly, it’s contradictory, hypocritical and not very positive to some of us.
If you are a good friend maybe you should suggest she get a new public relations manager who can help her channel this “wonderful woman” you speak of. I haven’t seen it, and would give her the chance to prove it.
Cat says
AWESOME ARTICLE. 100% TRUE AND FUNNY AS H-E-DOUBLE TOOTHPICKS.
TOO BAD WE CANT JUST CANCEL HER POLITICAL CAREER… OOPS DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?
CAT says
SCARY TO THINK THAT ANYONE, ESPECIALLY A WOMAN, WOULD TAKE THIS NUTJOB’S POLITICAL ASPIRATIONS SERIOUSLY. SHE COULDNT EVEN FINISH HER TERM AS GOVERNER. I AM ALL FOR A WOMAN PRESIDENT, BUT SHE WOULD SET US BACK INTO THE STONE AGE.
John says
Its not about values, guns, meat eating or the Duke, Hell… I love all those things and did not vote for McCain because he picked her, its about a total dingbat that is in WAY over her head having her finger on the button, some republicans (myself included) love anything that angers liberals, but I will only take that to a point, I always felt that her obvious ignorance and stupidity is very dangerous and would make our party look very bad
Dave says
I recently had a conversation about Miss Palin with an American friend (they live in Alabama).
She was completely horrified and shocked when i told her the general English view of this women is she is a total moron.
She couldn’t grasp that Palins ultra moral stance and ‘homely’ image could possibly be viewed as anything but a wonderfull thing for the nation.
I think what someone people forget (which is baffling) is that this is a very dangerous woman.
Her views (as mentioned in the article and everyones sane comments aside from Cindi) are outdated, reactionary and just plain idiotic.
Anti abortion and anti homosexuality has no place in a civilised society…neither does parading round for press shoots with a gun…absolute madness.
It’s about as nuts as bringing John Wayne and Indians into the discussion (by the way, yes i would call John Wayne a gun toter and if we’re going back to Indians why not other historical groups…those crazy Aztecs with their beheadings..those damn Spanish Inquisition guys with their torture devices…what exactly is your point Cindi?)
Also the meat i buy is generally farmed and then kindly placed in my local supermarket…it aint shot in the head by an illeducated, gay hating, anti choice lunatic….someone like that wouldnt be allowed a job with as much responsibility as a farmer over here.
Jana Peterson says
Cindi, I politely disagree. Your friend is a rootin’ tootin’ fraud and didn’t seem to really know her way around a gun for as much as she talks about them. She is also, thankfully done. If Fox has her tone down her rhetoric, she won’t have anything to talk about. The only thing this woman is good at dividing Americas people. Hope she wears a helmet for the very long fall down.
Bobby says
Palin met her potential in the Hawaii Pacific University football team’s locker room, and North Idaho College’s, and University of Idaho’s, and etc, etc.
Cindi says
So Jana where do you gather your information to call her a fraud. Hear say or can you back it up with documents. As far as knowing her way around a gun her point was to educate people that you just do not go off into the woods with a gun. Many types of guns and many different reasons to use one. Her point as you so clearly missed it was to go and get professional training for the task at hand.
Cindi says
So Dave please tell me how the meat you speak of gets kindly placed in supermarkets. It is very apparent you have never been to a slaughter house or been to a chicken farm. Chicken are caged 6 to a small cage and do not have a feather left on them. And you say kindly, you really need to see a slaughter house my friend. The poor cattle would much rather be shot then what happens to them. I would love to hear your explanation of kindly placed in a supermarket, how do you think these animals are killed? How do you think they are raised?
It is also very apparent that your idea of the way of life in Alaska is the way you live. You need to get out and travel. I would love to see you walk into your back yard and find a bear. You say Parading around with a gun.That is the life in Alaska. Many many people in Alaska and other parts of this country live off the land and that my friend is far from your little corner of the world. You need to get out and educate yourself to the way other people live and why they live the way they do. I traveled Alaska for three years and it is beautiful and just as dangerous with all the wild animals. Yes wild animals coming right into town, bedding down in a bank parking lot or in your back yard. While I was in Alaska a young 12 year old boy climbed a tree in his grandmothers back yard while he watched his grandmother killed by a bear and his father also killed in his attempt to save the grandmother. So sad that he could not get to his gun in time. Let me also say this is not just a single story, this is a constant occurrence in Alaska. A gun in Alaska is just as normal as a drivers license in the lower 48.
Cookie Monster says
Well, having compared the current President’s credentials with Palin’s, I can see Cindi’s point. Palin is obviously qualified to shoot things and talk without saying anything of substance on a shitty television show. If being the leader of anything more than a PR stunt is required, Palin will surely show a gracious understanding of her limitations by politely declining with a thoughtful, “G’wha?”. On the other hand, one who was president of the Harvard Law Review has no business starring in a show on Fox.
She did serve the Republican core well by sinking any chance that McCain may have had with a certain aplomb. They knew that, thanks to Dubya, the election was a wash, and McCain had been a thorn in their side for years; et voila, two birds.
Points for Cindi:
– This is a question mark, “?”. You put it at the end of sentences that are questions. Neat, eh?
– Is your mother tongue a language other than English? Note that “American” and “English” are the same language, kind-of.
– Google “comma”, for crying out loud…do it now.
– In Canada, we can see Alaska from our porch. Should we be scared of your bears, your guns, or both?
Cindi says
No we should be scared of people like you.
Montreal Girl says
Cindi:
I am not sure who I should be scared of most… you or Sarah Palin
Cookie Monster says
I assume you meant “No, we should be scared of people like you.” Allow me to help with this link http://lmgtfy.com/?q=comma. The second one down looks like a good start.
Slongo says
I believe we should be fearful of those who admire Sarah Palin. Palin won’t lose her mind in any meaningful or noticeable way.
CupsForYouToo? says
If Sarah Palin, wants to shoot bullets, and have outdated views on society. Might as well let her, and let her crazy Cindi stalker be.