Sandra Bullock’s Perculiarly Bullock-Stalking Stalker Charged

Most people will only be known for one or two things - maybe for changing the world, maybe even for just being a loving spouse - but poor old Marcia Valentine looks set to be ignominiously remembered as nothing but Sandra Bullock's stalker. 

Imagine that. Imagine being known solely for liking the movie Practical Magic to such an extent that not only did you start stalking Sandra Bullock, but you apparently also started to try and run over her husband several times in your car as well. That's what faces Sandra Bullock's stalker Marcia Valentine, since she's just been charged with the felony counts of stalking, aggravated assault and deciding to obsess over a really inexplicable celebrity when there are any number of other celebrities to obsess over who happen to be younger, prettier, more talented and with less movies on their CVs about exploding cruise ships.

That last one in particular carries an especially heavy sentence.

You know how you assume yourself to be a loony magnet just because you sat on a bus next to a man who was humming Phil Collins songs once? Well you people need to raise your game, because Sandra Bullock is running away with the loony magnet crown at the moment, and nobody seems to be able to do anything about it.

Challenges have come from John Cusack's screwdriver-chucking stalker and Colin Farrell's book-writing stalker and Jeff Goldblum's painfully mediocre stalker, but they can't hold a candle to Sandra Bullock. Sandra Bullock has had more stalkers than you've had hot dinners, provided that you've only ever eaten one hot dinner in your life. There was Sandra Bullock's unmedicated schizophrenic stalker who just wanted to send Sandra bottles of red nail varnish - and the occasional relentless stream of phonecalls, faxes and emails - and now there's Marcia Valentine too.

You'll remember Marcia Valentine as the woman who Sandra Bullock claims left weird signs and pieces of animal fur on the palm trees in her garden, kept laying down on her drive and then repeatedly tried to run over Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James a month ago - the incident that made Sandra Bullock get an anti-stalker restraining order on Valentine. The news now is that Marcia Valentine has now been charged with the felony counts of stalking and aggravated assault because of it. MSNBC reports:

She could face up to four years, and eight months in prison if convicted, the district attorney’s office said in a statement. It was unknown whether Valentine had an attorney and she could not immediately be reached for comment. She remained free on $25,000 bail pending a scheduled May 22 arraignment in Westminster.

Now that Sandra Bullock's stalker faces a possible jail sentence, it's bound to be a weight off her mind - plus it'll teach any other would-be Bullock-stalkers that stalking Sandra Bullock doesn't pay and that they should maybe all go and stalk Drew Barrymore instead. No, we're just kidding - don't go and stalk Drew Barrymore. Stalk Jennifer Aniston. Kidding again - don't stalk Jennifer Aniston. Don't stalk anyone. Except for Jessica Alba.

What? Oh, OK - not even Jessica Alba. Even if she does deliberately fill her movies with secret messages that only you understand.

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Sandra Bullock Fan Charged With Stalking - MSNBC