Indications that your family is effed, volume 12: When Tatum O’Neal looks like the wisest, most together member of your gene pool.
By that right, the O’Neal family don’t stand a chance. On Wednesday Ryan O’Neal and his son Redmond were both arrested for the possession of methamphetamine during a routine probation sweep of their house, and it’s taken Tatum O’Neal to bring some perspective to the matter.
Yes, Tatum O’Neal – the woman who’s kissed Michael Jackson with tongues, claims to have had an orgy with Melanie Griffith, lost custody of her kids because she was wasted on heroin all the time and was recently arrested for trying to buy crack in New York – has put the Ryan O’Neal drug arrest into perspective. In summary, that perspective is as follows: Yeesh.
On the basis that wisdom comes from experience, Tatum O’Neal must be one of the most insightful people on Earth. She won an Oscar when she was 11, had a drug-addict mother and an angry father who she apparently once caught with his bits stuck up Melanie Griffith. She claims to have been sexually abused as a child, had a volatile marriage to John McEnroe and was Michael Jackson’s first love. Tatum O’Neal isn’t just a woman – she’s the walking physical representation of The Jeremy Kyle Show.
So who’d be better placed to reflect upon this week’s drug arrest of Ryan O’Neal and his son than Ryan’s own daughter Tatum?
Now we know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that someone who wasn’t recently arrested for buying a big bag of crack would probably be better placed to discuss Ryan O’Neal’s arrest. But you’re wrong. It means that Tatum O’Neal doesn’t just share some genes with Ryan O’Neal, or a deep lingering bitterness about never managing to fulfill her professional potential, or questionable parenting skills, but also what might just be a fondness for illegal substances.
Honestly, Tatum O’Neal and Ryan O’Neal are so similar that talking to Tatum is just like talking to Ryan but without the constant feeling that you’re going to get a gun fired in your direction.
So, with that in mind, what’s Tatum O’Neal’s take on her dad and brother getting arrested on drug charges? People reports:
“I’m really worried about Redmond. I want them both to get better and get the help they need. [Addiction] runs in families. It’s a disease. I’m praying for both of them. I’m praying for my whole family. I hope Red will get treatment. That’s what he needs. There is hope for Redmond. He deserves to have the life a [young man] – going to school, hanging out with friends, getting a job. I wish the best for him.”
Actually, Tatum O’Neal is spot-on here. The last thing anyone needs is to see Redmond O’Neal destroy himself with drugs. Otherwise what are they going to do if Hollywood suddenly decides to make a sequel to The Brave Little Toaster Goes To Mars? Recast the role of Squirt, the eighth male lead? Please.
Anyway, we always try to look on the positive, and that’s no different now. Maybe Tatum O’Neal taking the time to speak out about Ryan and Redmond O’Neal will mend the fractured relationships between father, son and daughter and they can all start afresh.
It’ll be hard, but if they all work really hard and try to talk they can get there. And if they can’t, we hear methamphetamine is really good for increased talkativeness and stuff. Maybe they should give that a go.