Honking sack of nothing Russell Crowe likes to follow his own path in life. Sadly, that is the path marked "Pissing Off Every Single Person You’ve Ever Met Avenue".
A quick rundown on his background shows fights with award ceremony producers, fights in bars, fights with minders and – hecklerspray‘s favourite – a fight in a restaurant in 2002 that was so ferocious it took Grant Mitchell to break it up.
Basically, he’d fight a hatstand if it looked at him funny.
But lately, it seems that he’s become aware that this foolishness is putting a big dent in his karma. That’s why he’s trying to turn his life around, by doing only good things to help the good people of Earth.
And nothing will help us more than the reported news this week that his dreadful band are splitting up.
For the unaware, as well as being a movie actor, Crowe also fronted an interminable band called Thirty Odd Foot Of Grunts, mythically named after the sound reel from Gladiator. And it was the worst band in the history of the world. Seriously. In one song they rhymed ‘sexy’ with ‘perplexed me’. That bad.
But now they are gone, with Crowe leaving a message on fansites telling of "talking
from my heart and mind simultaneously about things that are important
to me now,right now,in this time of my life…as a 41 year old
father/husband/lover/man". Good news. Admittedly slightly incomprehensible news, but good nonetheless.
As a thank you to his fans, Russell’s releasing one last album with the message "Please be cool about…not file sharing". You hear that, kids?
Or else he’ll come round to your house and punch you.