Breakups are fucking difficult, man. As someone who’s recently (I say recently: it’s been three months, which is still a fairly big percentage of my life, all told) come out of a long-term relationship I know it’s hard. Which is why I’m so happy to see Russell Crowe looking like a happy hobo.
Truth be told, there have been points where I wished that I too could withdraw from society, grow a bitchin’ beard and put on a goofy smile for cameras. After all, when’s a better time than when single to grow facial hair? When you’re in a relationship, women crave the look of a good beard, but then as soon as you get close enough to kiss them they go “ow it scratches”.
So good on the Gladiator star for choosing to embrace his inner Neanderthal – and he’s looking good for it too. Who wants hunky hearthrob Russell when you can have this 48-year old with more hair on the bottom of his head rather than the top wearing a black hoodie? Crowe is striking a blow for MEN.
The guy just split from a 9-year relationship with his wife, Danielle Spencer. I can only presume that she too was contrary about facial hair, and Russell, purveyor of dodgy accents, decided that he had enough and gave her the old heave-ho.
It’s a triumph for men everywhere. Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, has said “fuck women, I’m growing a beard and being overjoyed about it.” I’m personally going to follow him into battle. It’ll be like Spartacus or something (am I getting my Roman movies mixed up? Shit).
Anyway, the point is that Russell Crowe is a mediocre actor but a sterling man, and his new facial hair and happy demeanour should be applauded and followed like some sort of cult religion. All hail the Crowe!