Russell Brand Is A Womanizing Douchebag With Gross Hair

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russell-brandRussell Brand can be a bit off-putting with his feverish energy and all that yucky hair … and his constant yoga-talk is exhausting … but when you give him a chance he can be remarkably clever and even disarmingly sensitive. On Monday, Russell appeared on Howard Stern’s radio show to promote the upcoming second season of his FX talk show, BrandX, and it was a headline-making visit.

During the hour-long interview, Russell and Howard managed to touch on a great number of fantastically vulgar topics, including sex with the Queen, Russell’s aversion to condoms, Katy Perry’s vagina, and the age old practice of transcendental meditation whilst on the toilet.

Russell’s segment on the show began a few minutes late, because evidently he had to take a dump when he arrived at Howard’s studio. Once they began, he explained to Howard that he takes advantage of that special alone time to meditate.

“I try to access the infinite through the aperture of my own bottom.”

From there, the self-proclaimed “Muhammed Ali of Shagging” disclosed to the “King of All Media” that he had had sex just the day before while still in England. He described it thusly:

“It was traditional English intercourse with a cup of tea and a scone. A corgi was watching. I don’t want to give away who it was, but there was a crown on my pillow.”

On the topic of Russell’s ex-wife Katy Perry and her current man, John Mayer, Howard asked Russell if he considers John to be a “worse womanizer” than he is. To which Russell replied:

“Worse or better, depending on how you view it.”

And with great chivalry, Russell refused to discuss Katy’s personal grooming, despite Howard’s repeated and urgent probing.

“So help me God, Howard Stern, I will not compromise my ex-wife’s vagina for the sake of ratings! That woman was perfect from top to bottom.”

The conversation also touched on Russell’s relationships with both Geri Halliwell and Demi Moore. He classified his relationship with Geri “simply friends” and explained that he knows Demi from yoga class, but has not sealed the deal with her yet.

“I really like [Demi] … She’s a beautiful person. I’ve not made love to her yet, Howard, but it’s a matter of time.”

While it’s important to remember that Americans (like me) are pathetic suckers for an English accent, I’m surprised by how much I liked him after listening to the full interview. From a humor perspective, his crudeness doesn’t always work and can seem harsh at times, but he is definitely extremely smart and insightful, and, again, unexpectedly likeable. I may even watch his show. Probably not. But maybe.

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