Ah true love – a time when you can finally cast aside wondering whether or not somebody loves you, and bask in the knowledge that they surely do.
Especially if they told you so from inside the television. You know, like if your lover is a celebrity that you’ve never met in person, but every time you watch their show they lift their eyebrow just so – and it’s a message just for you. A message telling you to slip past the guards on their private property, climb through a window that you may or may not have just broken, and then lay in bed wearing nothing but the damp towel they left for you in a pile on their bathroom floor.
The other nice thing about true love is you can totally beef around your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife and they can’t leave you for it. It’s in the constitution or something. 3rd amendment.
Good thing for Russell Brand our founding fathers thought of that sort of thing – otherwise Katy Perry might have already left him for less stinky pastures.
A lot of things about the Brand/Perry relationship re going public recently. They got engaged a while back, that much we’ve known. They’ve also started some kind of counseling, presumably so they don’t try to knife each other after they tie the knot.
And the most recent news of theirs to smear all over the internets is that Russell Brand’s vegetarian farts smell absolutely horrific. Katy Perry gives a first hand account:
“Being a vegetarian his farts are the worst things ever. Lingering and revolting.”
You can really tell Brand is a stinky guy by looking at him – his super-penetrating gas comes as no surprise. We’d actually be more surprised if someone told us he doesn’t use his wetter farts to keep his mass of hair in place.
C’mon – you know when that stuff dries it’d be able to save more people than that Katrina Superdome. Just mix that moist fart with a little cement powder, possible some straw – and you’ll have yourself that is both wind and rain resistant.
If only Brand had been more popular state side back in ’05. Think of the good he and his stupid hair might have been able to do.
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