Got an AX? Lost your keys? Get a can opener instead.
Up until now the Citroen AX’s biggest (official) claim to fame was being launched alongside a nonsensical TV ad campaign filmed across Red China. Alas, not much has really changed on that front. It’s still cuter than a Down Syndrome wedding, though.
The AX’s crapness – like all our choices in ‘Rubbish Cars’ – is ultimately its charm. It is a car so light it practically glides through the air like a discarded Kinder toy. On a downhill motorway slope, get it nearing 80 mph and you’ll actually see bits drop off the dashboard. Switches detach and even the sunroof has been known to loosen from its already brittle hinges.
Drive it round town however and this is a different motor. Keep your
mph well within the capabilities of its four speed ‘box and you’ll have
no problem with rattling, disintegration, or speed cameras for that
matter.
You can leave a Citroen AX parked anywhere and be sure nobody in their right mind will be stupid enough to steal it.
Even if you do get a couple of kids going at the bodywork with some
Battle Orders nun-chucks, who cares? They might even carve the boxy
Rubik’s Cube into something vaguely resembling ‘aerodynamic’.
Bearing such design faults in mind, how on earth did Citroen go about selling the wretched thing to the public?
With a bit of Gaelic charm, naturally.
No, that’s a blatant lie. With Citroen currently en-vogue again (since the 70’s DS design era anyway) for producing innovative and exciting cars, that Transformers does Justin Timberlake advertisement is actually justified (geddit?). All the AX deserved on the other hand was Sam Cooke belting out a languid rendition of Cupid (CDs). A promotional tie-in with about as much worth as trying to flog baked beans by making them sound like Woody Allen.
The Citroen AX’s popularity relied more on indirect endorsements, specifically one from the long rested ‘Queen of Hearts’ herself. Princess Diana never actually drove an AX, nobody ever said she a fan either, but there was one spotted near her Mercedes when it headbutted a French tunnel back in 1997. You just can’t buy that kind of publicity.
And how about a Guinness Book of Records entry to get the ad-men dancing around their chunky cellphones? In 1989 an AX managed to travel over a 1000 miles from Dover to Barcelona on a mere ten gallons of fuel. Not something to make Jensen Button dig out his wallet, but a dead cert to get your potential Citroen owner wet with a chance of rain.
The AX somehow managed a whole twelve years in production from 1986 to 1998. Personifying the word tinny, it would make even the White Stripes’ Seven Nation Army (CDs) sound as though it’d been recorded inside a congregated iron box. That’s why none of the smart kids pimp-a-Citroen. Too much bass and the flat sided runabout might just crack in two.
Even in its GTI 100-bhp 1.4 litre monster guise, the AX has always been incredibly cheap to run. It would probably cost you more to annually replace the tyres on your bike than drive a AX on the morning commute. If it were not so fond of breaking down that is.
Head gaskets, clutch cables, gearboxes and stuck handbrakes feature most commonly on the tired and dying list. None of which are worth getting repaired or replaced if you buy a second-hand model. Especially nowadays with old Citroen parts being scarcer than a credible R&B record.
Just bin the car and get another one. Better yet, buy a whole fleet and jump them over speed bumps with your mates. Think you won’t get the wheels to lift? Think again.
eBay, always good for things you know you don’t need, has this particular Citroen AX for sale. And at 70+ mpg it offers up one hell of a temptation…
Bidding starts at just £25. We don’t know what else you think you need to know at that price, and there isn’t really a lot more we can tell you. Check out the listing for further info. Yet twenty-five smackers; come on now, that’s cheaper than a decent haircut in most places.
If you want a Citroen AX we’re still not entirely sure we can realistically recommend buying one. It will let you down constantly, and even with the ignition happy to start on a whiff of white spirit, that’s always going to be a ballache.
Have a think about it though. As the French said on the AX’s launch ‘Revolutionnaire!’.
Yep, it’s crap all right.
[story by Chris Laverty]
{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
THE CITROEN AX,A GREAT LITTLE CAR, I THINK I GOT MINE FREE IN A PACKET OF CEREAL,A FEW YEARS BACK.YOU COULD EVEN RUN THE CAR ON A TABLE SPOON OF FUEL,BUT TAKING IT OUT ON A WINDY DAY WAS RISKY,YOU COULD END UP AT THE TOP OF A VERY TALL TREE,LIKE A BIG TIN LEAF,WAITING FOR AUTUMN.HAPPY MEMORIES.YES AND NO. A FUN LITTLE CAR,BUT A LIGHT WEIGHT.
Ohmigod!!! I used to have a Citroen AX! It was the worst purchase I ever made though – never again!
You are so right though, I always felt like it would fall to bits on the motorway!
Citroen’s are truely CRAP cars. and are tin death traps! What about a mention for the old crap Nova – white ones of course.
PS: why does niik always type in BOLD??!
THE CITROEN.AX.OR THE VAUXHALL NOVO.WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE,IF YOU HAD TO,HANDLING AND ACCELERATION ON BOTH,A JOKE,BUILD QUALITY ,THE NOVO WINS.STYLE THE CITROEN WINS,LETS BE HONEST THEY ARE BOTH TIN BOXES,BUT I AM SURE THEY HAVE 1 OR 2 SUPPORTERS. SPEAK UP IF YOU ARE NOT TO EMBARRASSED,
The Nova would be a great one to write about next, my friend – I’m sure that’s the worst of them all. And while I often see Citroen AX’s flying around, I hardly ever see Novas. Funny that!
Its a great car with a nice almost retro look about it, my 1.0l, now with a GT body kit is absolutely great as a first car and real fun to drive, i manage 85-90 on motorways with the 4 speed box and nothings fallen off it!
You get the the rattling that you find in all cars of that age but nothing un-nerving! I really dont think youve done the car justice with this report and think you should take back some of the under-generous comments youve made! But still I’m not a review writer so what do I know!
Sam, 17, UK
Owned my little AX for 8 years. Great car, 100% reliable. Only parts replaced are tyres and brake pads! Being one of the very last examples built – they did at least try and make an effort as far as ‘build quality’ goes. Mine even has luxuries like a sunroof and a 5 speed gearbox. (wow!)
BTW that boxy shape is actually remarkably aerodynamic even today; and the car handles far better than say an old fiesta, even if the body roll has the mirrors scraping the tarmac….
Really should ‘get back to basics’ with small cars…
Viva france!
You’re all fools if you rip it out of AX’s without having owned one, they are the best little pocket rockets around, you see anything else in its class beat it? no…
and who dares compare it with a nova??? you dont compare the mona lisa with a splat of dog poo on a piece of paper?
may not be the best looking car in the world, or the safest but if you get a gt, or put a vts engine in one you wont find a car more fun! there are plenty of fans of these cars, visit http://www.axownersclub.com to see.
I think the AX is a great car, 1ve got a standard 1.0 4 speed and got 100 mph out of it. its been quite reliable and ive never had trim fallen of it.
The only bad point i can think about the car, is that the driveshafts wear out easily and start knocking when you go round corners, like saxo’s aswell.
But on the whole i dont think you’ve given the car a fair report.
Steve 19 Kent
The later AX’s were better. Quote: “That’s why none of the smart kids pimp-a-Citroen.” – Assuming you mean Citroëns in general the Saxo VTR/S takes some beating for popularity. The AX just isn’t particularly strong. Everything else is fine. Mine’s never broken down, and if they were made for 12 years they can’t have been that bad!!!! You still see loads of them STILL on the road. You’re just comparing an ageing 80′s design with today’s standards…. of course they’re not going to be great! Fortunately my one is. More interesting than a Nova any day.
We have had out citroen ax for nearly 4 years now and have absolutly no complaints about it. It has never let us down. All round it is a brilliant little car and quick of the mark, goes for miles on a small tank of fuel, it might only have 4 gears but it can still reach high speeds.
I absolutely love my little pocket rocket – the AX rocks! (and rolls a lot on corners) – There you go – Rock & roll in one little car.
Got it up to 110mph (1.0 litre AX ‘Jive’) Admittedly it was down hill with a back wind and it felt like an earthquake – but it got there.
It’s got about as much street cred as Gary Glitter at a Vietnamese primary school – but who cares – we love it!
i luv citroen ax’s, im actually on my second one since i ran the first one into a wall. But we all had some good times in the little skip.
anyway i think its a great first car since its cheap in every area such as fuel, insurance……
also i got mine up to 92mph, i was tryin to reach 88mph like in back to the future, but by time i got to 92 i realised i was still in 2006!
Citroen AX’s are great cars!, I havent had anything go wrong on mine at all and it always starts on the first turn of the key, yeah they may not be the safest cars on the road and they do roll when you go round corners- but you get used to this and lean the other way!, they are great fun , full of character and have superb MPG , mine takes 20 quid of fuel and will easily do 350/400 miles on it!