Everybody liked it at first, then hated it, then really hated it and now it’s rather liked again. One certainty: the BMW Series 3 may have got better with every generation, but it has never stood as cool as in 1982. Class in a cocktail glass.

Talk:

We spoke to several previous Mk 2 owners while compiling this article. It transpired that many of them do not have particularly fond memories of the old yuppie-express. Which is a pity, as the second generation BMW might not actually have driven as well as some of us would prefer to remember, but it certainly looked as good. And that, as we all know, means everything when you are on a tight budget.

The BMW E30 3 Series was built between 1982 and 1990. During that time it went through a number of engine upgrades and a factory relocation from Germany to Somewhere Else in Germany. Bipolar M versions aside, the E30 was not the fastest car on the planet and certainly not the best value (£12,000 for a bottom spec 316i in 1990 was hefty for a car that has already spent eight years in production). A BMW was – and always be – bought for status. Even more so these days. The new ones are great cars: forward thinking, innovative and equipped with more mystifying electronica than a jumbo jet. But back in the days of hairspray and heroin, purchasing a BMW 3 Series meant you earned a certain amount of money. You liked to look the part too. Squint hard at the front of an old E30 and you might even see an Alfa.

It is a shame that by the early nineties the Mk2 3 Series had become a joke. Porsche 911-stigma attached itself to the BMW’s kidney grille and would not let go again for at least a decade. You might argue that nobody really gives a rat’s arse about this sort of stuff, and that the driving experience is all that matters. That’s nonsense though. No matter how many times you show a girl a Subaru Forester and tell her it manoeuvres like the greatest barge on the planet, she will still want to be picked up in a TVR.

New Music:

It’s still not ironic to own an E30; the car has simply garnered early classic status. Now ‘classic’ can refer to a car that is technically still in production, and excuse us for breaking the rules (we did the same with the Ford Ka recently and were made to sit at the back for two weeks), but exterior design has changed so much since the MK2’s heyday that its desirability factor has gone through the roof. We want butch and mean, not round and cuddly. Christ, must everything today look like it’s designed to rock you to sleep?

There is nothing much to tickle your fancy inside a BMW 3 Series. The trim is good quality, if lacking in excitement. The driving position is stiff and taut, lower down than you expect from the outside and sensibly laid out with enough space to accommodate even relatively fat people. Modern BMW interiors are much fancier. The E30 was not designed for fancy people. It was designed to make you look harder than the car in front. And unless you strolled up behind a first gen Range Rover, it done the trick too.

80’s:

We cracked a ton driving a 318i several years ago. It was thrilling because that’s bloody fast, not because the ride was anything special. But we are back to the desirability factor again. Anyone can drive fast, what’s more important is how good you car looks when it stops.

The E30 gives you just enough speed and a long overdue sense of class from having that Beamer badge on the bonnet. You might not feel very special in a brand new BMW nowadays (6 Series apart), but once upon a time kids used to put pictures of the things on their bedroom walls. Don’t be a middle-aged loser skidding about in a car you have skipped three family holidays to afford, go smooth and get an old 3 Series. And if you are fortunate enough to get ID’d on a Friday night in town, buy an E30 anyway. Some misty-eyed lady of leisure might even make you her toy boy.

Microscope:

Beware of what you might end up with out there. Know your budget, respect your budget, and be honest about your lifestyle. A MK 2 needs regular servicing at a reliable BMW specialist and that won’t ever come cheap.

Expect to pay between £500 and £800 for a tatty specimen with high mileage. It must be a 316i or 318i though. Anything like a 320i or 325i will be complete crap for that money. Safe to budget a good £2,000 and expect to pay up to three times that as you work up the plates. M versions will of course be lot more, or considerably less, depending on what state they are in.

If you take £1,600 shopping to eBay you should come back with a nice BMW 318i, equipped with a full history and sub-100,000 miles on the clock. Despite what some idiot who test-drives Lotus’ all day for Camshaft Magazine might tell you, this is all the speed you need. The E30 has some hairy handling traits when the puddles come out, so you will have more than enough to do while straightening your skinny tie.

The BMW 3 Series circa 1985 is a not a great car. It is a good car that is about to get a whole lot better with time. Go and get yours to keep. Ah, you think BMW might pull a Camaro and drag the old shape out of retirement for a retrospective spectacular in twenty years time, eh?

Don’t hold your breath, old bean.

[story by Chris Laverty]