Oh, come now, Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump. Must we fight? Rosie, are you not just a disturbingly coiffed, no-lipped business man at heart? And Donald, are you not just a brash, Krispy Kreme-loving lesbian underneath that designer lapel?
Unfortunately for all of us that have been rooting for these two kids to get together ever since the heaven-ordained reunion of Kid Rock and Pammy Anderson made us believe in love again, Rosie and The Don continue to metaphorically monkey-toss their excrement at one another (at least we pray it's metaphorical). This is turning out to be the biggest battle since Zach and Jessie both ran for class president on Saved By The Bell, especially now that Donald Trump has started writing letters.
The rift between the aesthetically-challenged Rosie O'Donnell and the aesthetically-challenged Donald Trump ignited on December 20, following Donny’s announcement that he would not fire the current Miss USA after her current struggle with drugs and alcohol was made public. Rosie stated her opinion on the matter (shocking!!), saying he was like a “snake-oil salesman on Little House on the Prairie.” And BAM! In one fell swoop she insults Trump, salesmen, snakes, and a classic gem of a television show which touched the hearts of millions. Thankfully Trump was on his game, firing back with his own slew of insults that would set the ears of playground bullies burning, calling her “ignorant,” “crude,” and the real zinger… “fat pig.” Evidently for Trump, scorching insults are comprised of stating the obvious.
The latest tidbit in this whirlwind of stupidity is a letter written by The Don to Roz, showing that he has obviously taken the high road in the situation. The high road meaning, of course, he is dragging a third party into the ring in an effort to create more controversy… controversy that keeps just enough oxygen flowing to keep public interest in him from flat-lining. The letter in question ‘exposes’ Barbara Walters as what appears to be a two-faced evil genius, who surely manipulated the feud between the pair. Here’s a portion of the letter for the viewing pleasure of all:
“An article in today's New York Post, indicates that you blew up at Barbara Walter for being a 'liar.' Actually, I don't blame you, but in fact she lied to both of us! After your maniacal and foolish rant against me two weeks ago, Barbara called me from her vacation (I did not call her) in order to apologise for your behaviour. … she said that 'working with her is like living in hell' and, more pointedly, 'Donald never get into the mud with pigs' and, 'don't worry, she won't be here for long.'”
Well, it’s as plain as punch now who’s the puppet master is in this vicious feud! Barbara Walters. It’s just a matter of time before she rips off her rubber mask a la Tom Cruise in Mission: Impossible to reveal that she is, in fact, the Spawn of Satan! Or Star Jones… same dif. And as if this wasn’t enough, in true Trump fashion, he jumps at the self-created opportunity to mentor Rosie with his Apprentice-style business advice:
“I was surprised that you let your spat with Barbara get into the newspapers, but, as I have always said and as you proved with Rosie, the magazine, you are very self destructive. You must work on this for your own good!"
Can’t cha’ just feel the love, people? It’s obviously safe to say that these two will soon be running towards each other in slow-motion across a dewy meadow with arms outstretched, while the melodic stylings of Kenny G accompany their sweet, sweet embrace of forgiveness.
Read more:
Trump: Barbara Lied to Both Of Us – CBS
[story by Annette Hyde]