By leaving a daytime TV show, Rosie O'Donnell has never been more famous – so now is exactly the right time for Rosie O'Donnell to publish her memoirs, allowing everyone to find out what really goes on inside that lovably indignant head of hers.
Rosie O'Donnell has promised at a national book convention that she'll be publishing what she calls a memoir of the last 12 months later in the year. Although no details of Rosie's memoirs – probably titled ARRGH! I HATE EVERYONE! – have been made clear, it seems obvious to us that the book will just be a printed version of Rosie O'Donnell's blog, only without half as many piss-awful Cyndi Lauper videos or rambling, barely-coherent movies of Rosie O'Donnell half-heartedly mumbling along to Amy Winehouse songs. So not as fun, obviously.
By anyone's standards, Rosie O'Donnell has had a hell of a year. This time 12 months ago Rosie O'Donnell was a washed-up former talkshow host, professional lesbian and world's most rubbish Betty Rubble. But Rosie's life was transformed when she was invited to anchor The View, the daytime TV show where women get to screech a barrage of their botched viewpoint at other women who, outraged, would screech back. Rosie O'Donnell was always more of a bellower than a screecher, and the people in charge of The View didn't like Rosie's blog, but aside from that she was a perfect fit for the show. She was in.
From then on Rosie O'Donnell was on a non-stop thrill-a-minute rollercoaster ride. During Rosie's tenure on The View she got to witness first hand what a dishevelled drunk Danny DeVito is, what a weirdly angry man Alec Baldwin is – plus it's where she first had contact with future husband-to-be Donald Trump, where O'Donnell and Trump pretended to hate each other and then had a great big protracted quarrel to try and deflect attention from their blossoming romance.
But what will define Rosie O'Donnell's legacy on The View will be her last few days. Originally Rosie was all set to leave The View at the end of the current season – but then a ferocious, cringeworthy on-air split-screen catfight between Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck put an end to that plan. After ten minutes of hearing a fundamentalist creationist with a voice like a rape alarm howling about how brilliant war is, Rosie had enough and quit The View immediately. And now we'll all get to read about all that stuff we already knew about in the forthcoming Rosie O'Donnell memoirs, as CNN reports:
Speaking at a breakfast gathering at BookExpo America, the publishing industry's annual national convention, O'Donnell said her long-delayed memoir on fame will not be "vindictive" or "mean-spirited," but will offer a candid look at her very public life, including her brief, battling stint on "The View."
Notice that careful wording there. Rosie O'Donnell only said she wouldn't be vindictive, which sure leaves a lot of room for homogeneous bombastic obnoxiousness – which is handy, since that does seem to be Rosie's default setting these days.
And don't think for a second that the Rosie O'Donnell memoirs will go unchallenged. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is also planning a counter-memoir giving her take on Rosie's time at The View – and it'll be published just as soon as scientists discover a font that's objectionably shrill enough.
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Gertrudis Monzon says
I am on the side of Elizabeth Hasselbeck. These liberal people like Rosie are ruining the foundation of a great country we have here. Viva Conservatives!!
Gilbert Wham says
The fact that your comment was delivered in coherent, correctly-spelled english leads me to suspect you believe no such thing
SteverB says
Thanks, Heckler Spray! “After ten minutes of hearing a fundamentalist creationist with a voice like a rape alarm howling about how brilliant war is” is 1) one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time and 2) a perfect description of the Hasselbeck woman. O’Donnell can’t publish this fast enough!
Junkman says
Stick a sock in her mouth. She is nothing but white trash with money. Her book is just another futile attempt at trying to make more $$ to feed her already oversized as*. I wish she’d die already so we don’t have to hear anymore of her paranoid ravings. She is a prime example of someone who thrives on negative attention.
Kyle says
Rosie has been talking about this book for MONTHS. It was planned long before the shit hit the fan on The View. I love the way the media twists everything to make it look like she just decided to cash in on leaving The View by writing a book.
I believe the working title of the book has been Celebrity Detox.
whomitmayconcern says
Let’s just hope the illiterate bitch has a proper editor.