Rosie O’Donnell Back On TV! Possibly!

Like us, you've probably turned on the TV over the last few months and been frustrated at the lack of hulking angry red-faced lesbians spluttering and gasping any time anyone says something they even slightly disagree with.

If that's the case, well, we don't want you to get too excited here, but it looks like Rosie O'Donnell is going to be given her own show on MSNBC. It's early days yet, but rumour has it that Rosie O'Donnell is in negotiations to bounce back after her high-profile resignation from The View with a daily prime-time TV show where she'll be in direct competition with Larry King. Nothing's been confirmed yet, but it's thought that Rosie O'Donnell has already drawn up a shortlist of potential titles for her show, including I Hate Everything, Outta My Way Assholes and Has Anyone Else Noticed That Elisabeth Hasselbeck Doesn't Have Her Own Show? She Doesn't, I Checked. 

Although the ongoing American writer-strike looks set to tear the world of television apart, the truth is it hasn't been in great shape for a while. And we pin that firmly on the terrible state of daytime TV lesbians. What are daytime TV lesbians doing these days? Crying about bloody puppies, that's what. That's not what we want from daytime TV lesbians - if our daytime TV lesbians have been wronged by a puppy adoption agency we don't want them to cry, we want them to kill a larger animal each day and leave it on the adoption agency's doorstep until either a) the situation gets amended or b) the animal workers have to clear piles of dead pterodactyls from their front garden.

And, let's not kid ourselves, that's what Rosie O'Donnell would have done. Because when she was on The View, that's the sort of behaviour that Rosie O'Donnell did best. Starting fights with Donald Trump, calling everyone homophobes, goading Danny DeVito on to be more drunk, offending the entire population of the biggest country in the world and screaming outraged insults at anyone with a slightly differing viewpoint to her own, Rosie O'Donnell was The View.

But since her screeching split-screen showdown with right-wing idiot Elisabeth Hasselbeck saw her strop off The View forever in March, Rosie O'Donnell has hardly been on TV at all. There were rumours that Rosie wanted to host The Price Is Right, but CBS executives are said to have baulked when Rosie suggested that each show was prefaced by a 45-minute rant about how wanton consumerism is funding the war in Iraq. But now Rosie is back!

Almost, at least - and not a moment too soon. Before she starts devoting her life completely to filming squirrels and setting it to Edith Piaf soundtracks, it's been revealed that Rosie O'Donnell is in negotiations to get her own prime-time TV show on MSNBC, possibly scoring the 9pm slot that'd see her running against Larry King. That'd be perfect for Rosie O'Donnell, because - face it - given the choice of watching a woman raging about nothing for an hour or an old man asking Angelina Jolie the same question about the United Nations 700 times in a row, you'd pick Rosie. We all would. But let's not count our pudgy little chickens yet because, as one executive has said:

"It's far from a done deal."

We've heard there are a number of potential sticking points stopping Rosie O'Donnell's MSNBC show from happening. One is money, another is whether Rosie will go down as well with the highly educated, literate MSNBC audience as she did with the soft-brained viewers of The View who would start agreeing with a talking Mr T keyfob if it was given enough airtime.

And then there's the matter of counterpoint. Without someone to interject her ridiculous left-wing nonsense with even more ridiculous right-wing nonsense, there's a chance that Rosie O'Donnell could be left twisting in the wind somewhat. That's why we propose that MSNBC ships in Elisabeth Hasselbeck to team up with Rosie O'Donnell on the show. It'd be entertaining, plus it'd totally lay the foundations for that Rosie/Elisabeth remake of An Officer And A Gentleman that we've we waiting so patiently for.