Roseanne Hates Chris Brown. And Rihanna. And, Oh, Everyone.

by Stuart Heritage on February 19, 2009 28 Comments

Where to stand on this Chris Brown/ Rihanna debacle – yes, a woman was attacked until she was hospitalised.

Then again, Chris Brown is adorable. What a pickle. Do we blame Chris Brown for allegedly being a violent, woman-beating thug, or do we blame Rihanna for, um, having the sort of face that you want to choke unconscious, or whatever other genuinely stupid reasons the idiots who blame Rihanna have dreamt up?

Let’s take a leaf out of Roseanne Barr’s book, shall we? She’s quite happy to blame Chris Brown AND Rihanna for everything. Sounds good Roseanne, you tubby old lunatic.

The best thing about Chris Brown being arrested for allegedly duffing up Rihanna is that everybody has got an opinion on it. Literally everyone - Jay-Z, someone who might know Oprah Winfrey, about a million hecklerspray readers who couldn’t spell a single sodding sentence correctly if you held a bastard gun to their bloody heads – everyone.

Actually, no – almost everyone. Because, if we’re honest, we’ve been slightly disappointed by the lack of reaction from fat obnoxious women who used to have their own sitcoms in the early 1990s. Surely they must have an opinion about Chris Brown. Surely.

Well, the good news is they do. Or at least the only one that matters does – Roseanne Barr. And it’s not a moment too soon, because Roseanne has an extraordinary insight into the psychology of abuse – not only has Roseanne previously accused both of her parents of physical and sexual abuse in the past, but the last season of her sitcom was so overwhelmingly cack there’s a very strong chance it’d stand up as an example of the worst kind of domestic abuse against the entire world in a court of law.

So what has Roseanne Barr got to say about this Chris Brown/ Rihanna kerfuffle? Let’s just say that her opinions are entirely in keeping with that of a woman who once devoted an entire segment of her talkshow to performing a nine-minute version of Exodus by Bob Marley in a borderline-racist dreadlock wig before proclaiming herself to be the reincarnation of Cleopatra who’d returned to Earth to liberate women. First of all, on her blog, Roseanne seemed to have it in for Chris Brown:

chris brown’s lies and excuses make me want to beat the crap out of him…he uses the language of the perpetrator just like every sleazy bastard who ever smacked his wife, kid mother or girlfriend around uses. you dirty bastard, I hope you go to prison for ten years. IT’S YOUR FAULT, ASSHOLE!

Before then, the following day, deciding that Rihanna was probably to blame for it as well:

women who go back to men who have hit them are usually violent too. i hope rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser.

So there we have it. Conclusive proof that Chris Brown is an asshole. Or that Rihanna is a bitch who probably deserved it. Or that Roseanne Barr lost her marbles a long, long time ago.

Oh, let’s just go with the last one. It’s easier.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

HT February 19, 2009 at 1:43 pm

Aaand here. We. GO!

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Shooty* February 19, 2009 at 4:10 pm

Has anyone asked MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice what they think? HAVE THEY?

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Tse Tse Flyed February 19, 2009 at 4:16 pm

Roseanne is a crazy man hating she beast, but she does have somewhat of a logical point, this probably isn’t the first time Chris has hit Rihanna and she definitely needs to go to counseling. There is NO way to win with someone who uses their fist to settle an argument,they aren’t savy enough to use reasoning or logic so they’ll always resort to violence to prove their point. So yelling back at someone who can’t be reasoned with is pretty pointless. She needs to just walk away (forever). Maybe Chris will get his shit in a kit maybe he won’t but Rihanna shouldn’t stick around to find out.

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Julian Mentat February 19, 2009 at 4:35 pm

To keep this thread short, let’s all just vote.

If you disagree with girlfriend-thumping, post “NO”.

If you support Chris Brown… well, just put a “Y” because 3 specific letters in the correct order is too much to ask of you.

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Amber February 19, 2009 at 5:52 pm

Of course beating up women is bad, I don’t think anybody would say it’s not. But going back to somebody who has hit you before is stupid. People seem to think that when women go back to abusers, they’re poor, helpless little flowers. They aren’t. They are adults who can make the decision to not have the crap beaten out of them over and over again.
However, I’m not sure whether or not this is the first time Chris Brown hit Rihanna, so I don’t know if that’s the case here.
And I like Roseanne. She’s not relevent in society today, true, but that says more good about her than bad. Look at who we think is relevent in society today… people like Chris Brown…

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Julian Mentat February 19, 2009 at 6:19 pm

The people who are “relevant in society” today are the IMF, because they will soon get to decide which countries go bankrupt.

But who cares? We have a couple-fight to talk about!

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Deja February 19, 2009 at 6:21 pm

Okay first of all, Me being a girl that would have a bf would tell him that if he ever put his hands on me,..I would lay him out.!! so there wouldnt be any abuse in the relationship. Second, if it really is true, why in the world are you gonna do it..some people need to me my best friend: the name is Common last name Sense!!!

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ja'lisa February 19, 2009 at 6:44 pm

chris Brown was so wrong for that.. dude dun messed up his singing career!!! and done let down his fans.. I really can’t belive he would hit her!!!! hopefully (Rihanna) leave dat nigguha!!!!!!!

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JoeMomma February 19, 2009 at 7:59 pm

I’m so dissapointed, fans of these two people have started watching Sesame Street and are learning english.

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Laurie-Olie February 19, 2009 at 8:49 pm

Can someone say “this is HILARIOUS?!” haha

This is so funny that it actually made my day!

It’s sooo true that people always have something to say about situations like this one. Okay it is bad to hit women duh! But we ALL have no clue what REALLY happened! Not that it makes what Chris Brown did okay but the point is, we do not know what went “down”.

So everyone including pathetic Roseanne needs to just back off and get a life! Seriously people…a hobby would do you so much good!

LoL

P.S. (hope Rihanna gets well and that Chris Brown….well, the guy needs some serious therapy beacuse that’s just sad!)

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Gibbo February 19, 2009 at 9:38 pm

ja’lisa: CONGRATS! Winner of the strangest, most contorted spelling of a word in order to circumvent workplace firewalls!

I think.

It’s so hard to tell any more.

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Gibbo February 19, 2009 at 9:48 pm

It’s got me thinking. Can you imagine the hell, the sheer brutal hell, of being a moderator on one of the forums where these chris/rhianna people congregate?
It must be like air traffic control, where the job is so tedious and yet requiring of concentration that you’re only allowed to be active for half an hour at a time.

A la Bob Newhart: I think it might go a little something like this.

“Get Johnson out! He’s been in there for 40 minutes, he’s about to let go!”

“What?!? Have they been rerouting all the Boston traffic through here?”

“No, Li’l Wayne’s girlfriend’s sister has just been photographed slapping Jay Z upside the head. Now Lilly Allen’s gone official as saying he deserved it.”

“May God have mercy on our souls.”

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DESHAY MATTHEWS February 20, 2009 at 12:12 am

HI MY NAME IS SHAY I THINK YOU ARE A GOOD MAN BUT YOU SHOULD OF JUST WAIK AWAY BECAUSE LOOK AT YOU NOW EVERY BODY THINKS YOU ARE A BAD GUY AND YOU ARE NOT JUST KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND HERE MY NUMBER JUST GIVE ME CELL 763-291 7352 AND I KNOW YOU DONT KNOW BUT I CAN FEEL WANT YOU FEEL JUST KEEP YOU HARD UP OK LOVE YOU

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shorty February 20, 2009 at 12:40 am

what’s up with roseanne barr? i mean nobody deserves to be hit child, or woman. if i were rihanna i would want to find out why he would hit me and even if i don’t i wouldn’t really want to stick around to be the ba**ard’s punching bag!

seriously barr. get a life.

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Julian Mentat February 20, 2009 at 7:58 am

I call shenanigans on ‘deshay’!

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Karley Thomas February 20, 2009 at 5:17 pm

Chris Brown is a good guy down inside, it just sounds like the kid needs a little help getting out of what he’s in, everyone has problems in there lifetime that they just have to get threw. i mean no one really knows what happened excepted for chris and rihanna, i mean as far as we know she could have hit him to and my opinion; If a girl thinks she is strong enough to hit a guy, then a guys should have the right too. I know that girls are more weak than guys but just because us girls are more weak, we still have absolutley no right to hit a guy ether. chris brown had no right messing her face up like that he went a little to far, but everyone needs the chance to at least try and change, some people dont want to but some people do mess up once and then get help and recover from it so give him a chance… but rihanna should stay away!!! (at least until chris can prove himself)mabye p.s. your still a fan chris brown

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lilly February 20, 2009 at 6:59 pm

why are uyou trying to defend chris this has totally turned me of him i used to love him but now i hate so why are u asking whos to blame its ovious whos to blame chris brown because he had everything he wanted and now hes thrown it away because he hospitalised rihanna long story short hes to blame because hes a violent thug!!!!
lilly

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whatever February 20, 2009 at 8:01 pm

Why, why, why…is Roseanne talking? Where the heck did she come from? Can someone tell me please? Is it me…or is she just trying to ease back into getting some media attention at someone else’s expense? Not good. Domestic violence is a very serious issue. She needs to back up and stop putting her two-cents worth in it.

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nicola February 21, 2009 at 9:48 pm

ur bakin a abuser, he is a mess! wot is wrong wif rihanna she has acheived more than chris brown ever will.
Rihanna should keep her hed held high and chris brown should rot in jail!

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Sarah February 22, 2009 at 8:29 pm

Just another OJ Simpson.

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Aria February 23, 2009 at 5:18 pm

Roseanne, I’ve had enough of you. In case you didn’t know, this is none of your business. You look like such a bully talking that way about someone who obviously needs to continue counseling. You sound like you need to go back to counseling.

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Grand Nagus February 23, 2009 at 10:39 pm

she should have kept her mouth shut and listen to her man women

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Sniggler February 24, 2009 at 3:38 pm

Fo nuff fo hizzle! dat nigga be cracka crazy dawg! he put da rat a tat tat down on dat biotch! damn! dont hate the playa. fo sure dat nigga speaks betta english dan the rest of ya homies! if only fava flav coulda pimp biotch slaped soulja sista boi!

Dont let them ho’s get ya down! peace out!

Peanut butta jelly time!

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Evan February 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm

sniggler, u know ur some white guy tryin to frame blacks. And it’s 2009 not 1862 so stop with the minstral show.. Chris Brown is wrong plain and simple.He will NEVER recover from this.. ever. And Rihanna probably will not have the rspect of her peers ever either. Either way they have ruined it for themselves when all they both had to do was walk away from each other. It’s obvious chris is gay and can’t handle it.

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ABBAS February 28, 2009 at 11:44 am

FUCK U

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Devan March 14, 2009 at 4:20 pm

Opinions are like assholes…everybody has one. I’m so sick of this whole business. When Mike Tyson was kicking Robin Givens’ ass, nobody gave a shit. When Ike Turner was beating the living daylights out of Tina Turner, people looked the other way. Now these two young people are in this situation and people are branding him a life-long abuser. “He probably has hit her before”…how the fuck do you know that? How can someone who has been fairly even keel up until this point, blow up in an instant, and NOBODY wants to question WHY? No, it’s not right for a man to beat on a woman. But if a woman is beating on YOU, then you have no right to defend yourself because you have a penis? That makes no sense whatsoever. And I’M a woman. If I can raise my hand to a man, then I expect us to be fighting. They’re 19 and 20! They have a LOT to learn…

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ELLA DENIS June 2, 2009 at 11:56 pm

OOOOMMMMMMMMGGGGGGGGGGG LEAV HIM ALONE EVEN THO I WOULD DO ENEY THING FOR CHRIS AND I LOVE HIM NO MATTER WAT KNOW ONE SAY I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT HIM

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Gemini November 21, 2010 at 12:48 pm

He who thinks is of no sin should cast the first stone….read the fuckin bible or r some of u guys illuminatics?thou shall not judge……..the lies r far frm the truth

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