Ronnie Wood Arrested On Suspicion Of Being A Dick

Ronnie Wood, Ronnie Wood Arrested, Ekaterina IvanovaLook, we know the Rolling Stones enjoy pretending that they’re younger than they actually are, but this is ridiculous.

Of course, we blame Chris Brown. If it wasn’t for Chris Brown beating up Rihanna earlier this year, then would Ronnie Wood have allegedly rolled up his sleeves on Wednesday night and shown that awful acts of violence on women aren’t exclusively reserved for the young by giving his girlfriend a pasting in the street? No, Ronnie Wood wouldn’t.

Or maybe Ronnie Wood would. All we know is that he’s been arrested on suspicion of assaulting his 20-year-old girlfriend. Oh, we’ll blame Chris Brown anyway. Why change the habit of a lifetime, huh?

Few things can be more terrifying than the sight of Ronnie Wood, dressed in a girl’s leather jacket and looking like a kind of glam rock transvestite skeksis, lunging at you with his fists raised in anger. Well, that’s unless you’re a normal-sized human male, because he generally looks so frail and alcohol-weakened that he’d splinter into dust if you so much as looked at him hard enough. But if you’re a 20-year-old Russian girl then, yes, it’s probably fairly terrifying.

That’s something that we should probably put to Ekaterina Ivanova, Ronnie Wood’s 20-year-old Russian girlfriend, because on Wednesday night Wood was arrested on suspicion of assaulting her. And witness reports of the incident aren’t especially pleasant. The Telegraph reports:

“We heard a woman screaming, then saw a man pinning her to the ground. He was shouting at her then we heard choking sounds so my boyfriend rushed out to help. When he got outside he saw it was Ronnie and Ekaterina.”

“I saw a couple. I thought they were hugging but when they got closer I realised the man had the woman in a headlock. As soon as I got a decent look I recognised Ronnie. He was forcing her to walk with him. She was crying and sobbing and trying to get away but he wouldn’t let her go.”

Nobody knows what started this alleged assault on Ivanova by Ronnie Wood. It could have been something to do with the 42-year age difference between them – maybe he got enraged when he made an oblique reference to the 1973 discovery of Comet Kohoutek and she didn’t understand, or maybe she showed him a picture of a skateboard and it blew his mind – but it would seem more likely that it happened because Ronnie Wood is a pointless old dickhead who looks like a fire-damaged Terrahawk.

But we’ll have to wait for the case to go to court before we can be sure of that, we suppose.

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  1. JoeMomma says

    I’m wondering why she didn’t kick the crap out of him. She’ll get her revenge though, she’ll pretend to smoothing things out, then while feeding him is heart meds she’ll swap in some elephant laxitives.

  2. hoohaahee says

    I’d like to say that for me, as a child of the 80’s, the line “Ronnie Wood is a pointless old dickhead who looks like a fire-damaged Terrahawk” was absolutely priceless.


  3. recy says

    Leave Ronnie Wood alone,it is great press news and the public just love to get involved.It is no ones bussiness.Give him a break,what has happened who knows we dont have the truth or the whole story.
    Ronnie has been through a lot in the last Year and I am sick of people and the press putting the boot into him.Maybe that is the problem that did lead to this problem. Leave them alone.
    Recy Kypri
    Sydney Australia