Yo, Adrian! Rocky The Musical Is Going To Suck Big Time

rocky-musicalRocky the Musical is going to Broadway!?While at first it may sound absurd,?give it moment to sink in and you’ll realize just how genius it truly is.?Picture Nathan Lane as the Burgess Meredith character. A beefed-up Matthew Broderick as Rocky … so dopey and so very masculine, but somehow so?sincere at the same time.

Maybe Tracy Morgan as Apollo Creed, and?the skinny chick from Parks and Rec as Adrian. It’s magic waiting to happen.

The casting choices are my own, but, in all seriousness, the musical theater version of the Oscar-winning?film?is?actually debuting on Broadway in March of next year. That’s no joke. It’s been playing?in Hamburg since late 2012 to rave reviews, so why not make the jump to Broadway??We all know what exceptional taste the Germans have. David Hasselhoff, anyone?

Supposedly,?the musical version is very true to to the original film of the series?… though really, that’s impossible, isn’t it??The original Rocky movie is beyond perfect. Sylvester Stallone … pre-grossly disfiguring plastic surgery … was amazing and inspirational. Rocky in his gray sweats, running up the steps of the Philadelphia Museum of Art and pumping his fist … impossible not to love.

Sylvester himself is producing the musical,?and?he didn’t want it to be a?bunch of?boxers tap-dancing … which is unfortunate, in my opinion, because that’s a show I would enjoy seeing. He said about the production:

“I couldn’t be more proud or more excited about this production and how my original story of Rocky Balboa has been brought to spectacular life onstage.”

The key word being “spectacular.”

The musical version was written in English, but, when no one?was interested in seeing it, it was?translated to German and entitled “Rocky: Das Musical.”?Its Broadway?run is destined to be historic, if only because once the first one has run its course,?a slightly worse sequel can replace it. And then another. And then another. And so on. If it gets that far, obviously Justin Timberlake would be Dolph Lundgren … because Justin Timberlake can do anything. Mr. T would be himself.