It’s been such a nice, quiet summer of 2014 so far without hearing Robin Thicke’s falsetto squeaking out of my radio every 3.5 songs. But while 2013 gave Thicke his biggest hit to date, it also saw the demise of his long term marriage to Paula Patton due to Thicke’s inability to keep his dick in his pants.
Not one to apparently go out without a fight, Robin has not only publicly pledged to win Patton back, he’s named his new album after her. He’s also now leaked the cover art and song list, and to be honest, it’s getting kind of eye roll worthy.
Robin Thicke totally lucked out in the spousal department when he married beautiful actress, Paula Patton. Classic love story, the two met in high school, knew at 16 it was it, and eventually walked down the aisle and made a baby. Adorable. And it all seemed to be going swimmingly while Thicke was a C level recording artist.
But then Thicke made “Blurred Lines” and suddenly there was tons of panty droppers everywhere, and Robin’s cockiness became too much for Paula to bear. Sure, the rumors of them having an open marriage have been there for years, but I am pretty sure their version of open marriage was simply Paula looking the other way, as long as Thicke kept his dick wandering on the down low. Once he stopped even trying to pretend he wasn’t a scuzbucket, Patton was over that shit.
Since they announced their separation earlier this year, Robin has been heading a one man whine fest, proclaiming that Paula is his true love, and he will do whatever he needs to to win her back. He started dedicating awkward songs to her in concert, bringing her name up whenever he could, sort of sweet but slowly treading towards creepy territory.
Well, congratulations Robin, because you officially are in Creepyville. Not only did he leak that his new album would be titled “Paula” after Patton, but he has now released his cover art and track list. Thicke looks like a manic depressive Rastafarian who just lost his pet turtle on the CD, and the tracks just make him sound pitiful.
And the track list goes as follows:
1. “You’re My Fantasy”
2. “Get Her Back”
3. “Still Madly Crazy”
4. “Lock the Door”
5. “Whatever I Want”
6. “Living in New York City”
7. “Love Can Grow Back”
8. “Black Tar Cloud”
9. “Too Little Too Late”
10. “Tippy Toes”
11. “Something Bad”
12. “The Opposite of Me”
13. “Time of Your Life”
14. “Forever Love”
Pretty expected, though there are a few titles I am surprised not to see. Where are the obligatory “Forgive Me” or “I Am Nothing Without You” tracks? At the very least there should be a “Sorry For That Itch I Gave You” track. Maybe a dance number entitled “How Instagram and a Mirror Fucked Up My Marriage” with a spoken word cameo by Dean McDermott (because Canadian douchebags must stick together).
Sadly, I am sure this shit is going to work, at least publicly, because bitches gotta make their money somehow.