Robert Pattinson To Keep Making Twilight Films Forever (Sort Of)
You know Robert Pattinson? You know how he stars in Twilight? And how he’ll be starring in Twilight 2 and Twilight 3 soon?
Well hold onto your hats because we’ve got some incredibly unexpected news for you. Get ready – Robert Pattinson is going to star in Twilight 4. We know! We were surprised, too!
We also have bad news – Robert Pattinson is the only star to agree to Twilight 4, so Ricky Martin will play Jacob Black, the wolf pack will be played by three homeless men who’ve been painted orange and Kristen Stewart will be portrayed by a horse in a top hat.
So it’s decided. The entire Twilight series of Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn - officially the most successful book franchise ever to be based on this Jaffa Cakes commercial – is going to be given the movie adaptation treatment.
We’re sure you’ll agree that this is wonderful news – not only will it mean that teenagers around the world will get their fill of badly-made fantasy films based on inexplicably popular books full of startlingly clanging moral lectures, but it also means that anyone who sticks around for the entire four-movie duration will be typecast as a dead-eyed vampire with gormless hair for the rest of their lives and grow to resent ever starring in the poxy thing to begin with. Everyone’s a winner.
Robert Pattinson can definitely count himself in the latter camp because, as MSNBC reports, he’s just agreed to star in Breaking Dawn, the final Twilight movie:
While in Cannes on Tuesday, Robert Pattinson confirmed that there will be a fourth “Twilight” film based on the Stephenie Meyer novel, “Breaking Dawn,” according to The Hollywood Reporter. Pattinson said he is committed to starring in the final outing to date, but doesn’t know when backers Summit Entertainment will begin production because of the actor’s jam-packed shooting schedule.
Committing to the whole Twilight franchise is a risky move for Robert Pattinson. By the time the fourth film finishes – or even the fifth film, since it’s inevitable that producers will want to wring every last penny out of the series by chopping Breaking Dawn into pieces – then there’s a chance that Robert Pattinson will have lost his fanbase. Teenage girls are fickle creatures, and they might have moved on to the next monotone dullard with nice hair by then. And as for Robert Pattinson’s older fans? They’ll all be dead from a combination of old age and loneliness.
Still, now he’s signed up it’ll be interesting to see how Robert Pattinson is used in the next few Twilight movie. In New Moon he’ll literally be playing a voice in Kristen Stewart’s head, and we’ve heard that in Eclipse and Breaking Dawn he’ll be playing a voice in the head of the voice in the head of Kristen Stewart and the abstract concept of human liberty respectively. It’ll be a challenge if nothing else.
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wow what is your problem dude? I mean its OK for there to be a thousand Harry Potters.. Lord of the Rings… but people have a problem with Twilight?
Jealousy maybe?
Rob can do plenty of different films he has.. Little Ashes anyone?
you remind me of the 40 year old virgin
you remind me of the bitch six feet under.
really? i mean, trash all you want. i honestly dont care, but get a life while you do it.
how pathetic.
I’ll just restate my comment on your last Robert Pattions piece (you know, the one you wrote sooo long ago, like, yesterday): you either have an unhealthy obsession with this lovely young man, or you’re slutting it out to get the hits. If anyone’s interested, my money is actually on the first option.
Btw, I also take offence to the relentless hate poured upon female teenagers in this column. It is sexist and ageist. (I’m 26 and happy btw, thank you very much)
…Hmm hang on, let me put two and two together… hating on handsome young men, and on young women… MIGHT you be catering to an audience of frustrated males?!!
what the fuck is this btw stuff? are you all talking about some serial killer? btk?
BTW means by the way…
oh shit! no fucking way…thankyou.
wowww, oh molly.
take a look at this years generation, and get a freaking clue already.
I know it’s your job to be ummm… rude… but you might want a little more information on the age of Twilight fans. I’ve done several videos on You Tube for Twilight/Pattinson and consistently the viewers are about 10% 35-44, 55% 45-54 and even 15% 55-64… It’s a phenom! Face it… and on top of that Mrs. Meyer just got top honors for Children’s book series. I wish the dream gods would send me something like they sent her, lol!
wow..who peed on your Poptarts this morning. Lmao… you must be very jealous that YOU didn’t write the series and make the mega bucks. bitter little person you are.
are we texting? wow. i am sooo out of the loop. lmao. that looks like you all cant spell lamo.
I’m not going to waste my time looking up the writer of this piece…
but my guess is, he’s a single, obese, middle-aged, balding, man, who is bitter and sits behind this computer spewing crud like this to make himself feel better why chowing down handfuls of cheetos.
Even if it’s not what the dude, looks like or is…it’s how it makes him look.
Well guessed Mela, you were pretty spot on with your description of Stuart poor thing he doesn’t get out much
LOL!!!! All of your comments above are so funny!!!!! But true, I am sure that the twilight party pooper above is just soooooo jealous and who wouldnt be? I am not a teenager by the way, I am 27 and I am in love with twilght and suffering from OECD(Obsessive Edward Cullen Disorder)!!!!! Everyday I google to find out about it all and soooooo excited for breaking dawn to be made into the movie, I am really hoping they dont make it 2 films though, because I dont know if I can wait!!!! Only thing left that could make my day is if SM would finish her MS and keep going and going and going……. She could be like the little enegizer twilght machine! Oh and one more comment for the TPP,you should really just come clean and ADMIT that you love twilight and all the cullens just as much as the rest of us otherwise why would you waste your time with us “teenage girls”? YOU SUCK!
wait, did you mean 27 year old with the mental capacity of 10? because that would totally clear up any confusion.
OMG! Your posts are soooo funny. Please keep commenting. It is hilarious. Wayyy more than the article.
I totally agree with you! I probably have the same disorder as yours and I’m 32!
I’m 26 and right there with you! I loved books and the movie!
who shited in your food today! lol. the entire franchise of twilight i think will do amazingly well. its the same with harry potter. the 6th movie is coming out in july of this year. i can wait to see it myself. that movie is going to make major bucks. so dont even say that twilight is just going to fail. i really doubt that it will. lol. and the girls will still love robert even after the 4th film of twilight. and many more movies to come for him. congrates to robert pattinson with he’s amazing success!!!
hey, i think we all need to listen to tina here, she really seems to grasp the innerworkings of “franchise” very well. her use of technical terms like “major bucks” is really impressive. so glad the twilight franchise has your support tina. please dont reproduce.
I love the whole twilight series but these articles are funny! everyone needs to relax and realise its just a story.
okay, i take back the whole reproduce thing, a little.
Wow! That was harsh. you know I’ve noticed that guys of all ages HATE Twilight and especially Edward Cullen (the character) and Robert Pattinson (real Person). I think that they have to be jealous.. I am 34 years old and
just finish the Twilight Saga, Twice in the last month!I gotta say I love them and I also have developed the OECD (that was funny b the way). And have gotten quite attached to all of the characters in the books. As for the movie, I believe it has left alot of details out but I cannot get enough of it. Can I explan it? NO!! But I am happy and excited that there are 3 more(atleast) movies to come.
I cant wait for Midnight Sun and I hope SM keeps them coming. I tink she should keep the mind of EC going through out all the series. I would love to hear Edwards thoughts for them.
So I think I speak for the majority of girls and women that we will not tire from Twilight books or the movies! I say keep them coming.
So to the writer of this article, CHILLAX! LMAO!!
Edward Cullen and TWilight Are Going To Continue To Be A HUge Success! SORRY to all you jealous HUSBANDS AND BOYFRIENDS!
ummm, i reaaly dont think this is going to fix your marriage. if you want your husband to pay more attention to you, reading a teen novel is not the way to go. put a little makeup on (or less) hit the gym. buy some lingere, suprise him. i have faith in you, you are worth it!
youre ridiculous.. and jealous.. i really didnt get what you tried to do on this frustrating post.
its sad, really
robert pattinson is so cool and hot
oh my god, are bella swan?
Wow… from which part of the planet do you come from? You sure are not human…You really have an alien attitutde.By the way, if you have nothing nice to say, dont say it… zipp it,k.
ummmmmmm, you people are all very scary…rob, watch out, there is some stalkerish talkin goin on…oh yeah, hey rob, i read somewhere that you said you wished you had a vagina on the inside of your arm so you could lick it whenever you wanted? that is crazy! i actually have a penis and testicles on my left arm, i have always been self consious about it, untill now. well, i hope you do get a vagina on your arm some day, maybe we could get together, hook arms,rib elbows…
Rib elbows? rub elbows…
Okay, 1 female here who HATES TWILIGHT (and a rather normal 29 year old ginger at that!)
Yes, I know – what a great book? Its f!*(&@ rubbish that a 15 year old could write better. I read, and what a labour that was, the 1st book, I will not be doing any further damage to my brain cells by trying to read another one of them.
I challenge any of you so called Twilight fans to READ A REAL VAMPIRE NOVEL!!!! You know Dracula, Interview with a Vampire, The Vampire Lestat (which is again f!()*#@) aswesome)
But no, none of you will and you will continue bleeting on about how great Twilight.
Now, do I think R Pattz is beautiful creature, absofreakinlutley. But I do not, repeat, not understand this level or “fangirl” worship.
READ A REAL FREAKING BOOK _ INSTEAD OF BOOKS WRITTEN FOR 12 YEAR OLDS.
Coincidentally – no wonder the world is going to hell.
that was a little mean.
Hmm… judgmental much? Believe it or not, I HAVE read all of the above. And I HAVE read ‘real freaking books’, it’s all I do for god’s sake – after all, it is my job.
And yes, I did enjoy Twilight. Now do I think it is high literature, no. But it did manage to capture the attention of a generation of non-reading teens, which is something.
It bugs me to see people (you, the petty little man who wrote this column) feel and act so superior, just because they’re read two Anne Rice novels. Get off your friggin high horse.
PS we do agree on RPattz: he is indeed a beautiful creature.
So much hate in the world. Why can’t people be happy that someone other then them selves is doing well. If you don’t like the books or the movies keep your nasty comments to yourself. I love the books and the movies. I’m 30 years old and am happily married with 2 kids. The books take me out of everyday life to a fantasy world away from all the stress. We all know the difference between fiction and nonfiction. I hope all 4 movies do really well and there is more to come. Stuart Heritage you have a problem stop being so jealous and pay attention to the movie maybe you’ll get a little in this life time. Maybe the left over old dead people that are no longer interested in Rob Pattison. Your a loser!!
I suppose that would make me a 54 year old teenage, accountant. I love the books and I thought the movie was wonderful. I watch movies to be entertained, not educated or to search for some deeper meanings. Mr. Pattinson did a wonderful job and I believe he will continue to do so. In case you aren’t totally aware of the world around, he has been signing on to do other movies which he will be filming between the Twilight series movies…type casting…I beg to disagree. I noticed Robert Pattinson when he played in Harry Potter/Goblet of Fire and felt I would be seeing more of this young man in the future.
As long as Robert Pattinson is a part of the project, the other characters could be recast and it would still fly!!! I’m not all that crazy about his leading lady anyway, I think her acting skills could use some improvements and she needs to learn to keep her mouth closed more…appears she can’t act unless her mouth is open.
The best advice anyone might offer you, Stuart Heritage is “get a life”.
Rougue,
Did you bother to read my post? little man doesn’t apply, but if you read it you would know that..
Anyway, the point is that JK Rowling can write circles around Stephanie Meyer, why? Because Stephanie Meyer is a crap writer. I am not a literary critic, but I will side with my little friend Steven King. google it and see for yourself
The point here, is that middle aged people SHOULDN”T BE READING MIND NUMBING SHITE WRITTEN FOR 12 YEAR OLD.
(and correction: – I have read ALL 8 Anne Rice Lestat/Vampire books, just did’t feel the need to list them)
sorry Rogue you didn’t call me a man.
My bad :-0
Yes, I did read your post… We both agree that Twilight is not a great book (ok, not a good book), I am only annoyed at snobby/patronizing attitudes. If you want to go down that road, I’ll tell you to stop reading Anne Rice, who let’s face it is no James Joyce, and go buy yourself some REAL literature.
PS my name is R-o-u-g-e
Wow. These comments are wayyy more entertaining than the article. Thanks!
I enjoyed reading them!!
JEEZ! Does ANYBODY get spoofs out there? How do you stand it, SH? Doesn’t it ever terrify you? To think these are our future????
Jealous, Stu?
You stupid fangirls know that even Robert Pattinson himself hates Twilight, right? Google the phrase “108-year-old virgin” and you should get a link to his interview transcript. Face it, he’s just in it for the cold hard cash.
Also, Mela, I take offense to your perpetuation of the “HAHAHAHA U HAEV NO LIFE CHEETOS LOL” argument. I actually happen to find Cheetos superbly delicious, and am offended by their stereotypical association with “fat and balding” men who “sit behind a computer” – I must assume that you posted your message while hanging upside down from the ceiling? (I suggest that next time you put the rope around your neck.)
I don’t know how he can lose his fan base. Everyoone loves him. I am sick of the whole Twilight thing being about Rob Pattinson. What happened to selling the other hunks. Anyone for Emmett or Jasper? What is wrong with them? Where is all the goga over them? I love Rob Pattison but he is going to be another Elvis if everyone doesn’t start leaving him alone. He is getting to much attention and I read the books. It is not all about Edward. I want someone to wise up and notice the others in the film and for goodness sake girls, get a grip before we lose Robert and he goes back to England where he can live a normal life.
Rouge
Yes, Ms Rice is not the greatest writer ever, but that’s ok. It’s more on the adult intellectual level than books for 12 year old girls.
I re-read the Dubliners again recently (March), so its funny you mention James Joyce.
I was not intending on being patronizing or snobby, and neither were directed at you. That is directed at the people posting here calling Twilight like, omfg, like, the, greatest, book, ever, written.
It makes ME crazy!!!!, Me, not everyone, just me (i guess)
But really, you read books for a living, right? Am I crazy for not being able to figure out what this Twilight obsession is? I almost (almost) feel bad for R Pattz, till I realize he’s raking in the cash… then not so much.
Good news everbody he’s dead as of confirmed by NYC news earlyer this morning Soo Yippie Ky-YAAY everybody!
First of all, what u called “twilight 2″ is New Moon, “twilight 3″ is Eclipse and “Twilight 4″ is Breaking Dawn.
second of all, i am a fan of both the books and to a lesser extent, the film.
i think this is completley out of order, and fucked up…..and so….FUCK YOU!
you guys are so entertaining…….i am sitting here by my lonely self cracking myself at all these comments….thank goodness there’s no one here or they would surely send me to the looney bin for laughing at my computer screen!!!!!!!! i am not sorry to say i love twilight and i think Rob is excruciatingly gorgeous, intelligent and talented. so all you negative people……..get a grip. if u need to say something bad do it diplomatically or don’t say it at all.I hope they decide to do Midnight Sun, cos it would be the ultimate and just to irritate the hell out of writers like the above person………Mr uhhhh….. Heritage(first had to scroll up to check the name!!)
Your article was hilarious, and its criticism valid. The comments are similarly hilarious, although they do fear me with a sense of dread regarding the future of mankind.
*fill. Not fear. I’m sure there’d be a silly fangirl somewhere who would take that spelling error as reasonable grounds to dismiss criticism. I guess I’m just brimming with fear, these days.