Watching Robert Pattinson at work is like watching a tortoise slowly chew a piece of old lettuce. Slow, methodical and containing the briefest glimpse of life. Of course, what puts Pattinson above tortoise status is his pretty, pretty face.
And so exasperated is Hollywood by Pattinson and his shedful of boring is that they’re thinking of giving him an Oscar just to see if he does anything even vaguely interesting. Failing that, they’ll have to stick a cut on his face to give him ‘character’.
You shrieking Twilight fans probably think that all that fandom you’ve shown is going to finally pay off in the form of a golden statue. Not so.
That’s because Pattinson isn’t going to get a gong for his role as a vampire with a chastity belt on. Nosireebob, Pattinson may be up for an Oscar for his role as Jacob Jankowski in the upcoming ‘Water for Elephants.’
Remember him nearly getting killed by an elephant? That elephant should be given an honorary Oscar as well, just for livening up Pattinson’s astonishingly dull life.
Anyway, when R-Patz’s co-star in the movie, Oscar-winning Christoph Waltz, was asked where he kept his trophy, he said, “It’s in my house, but the way things are looking, I might have to hand it off to Rob next year!”
Pardon? Christoph Waltz now decides who gets an Oscar? When did this happen? We clearly missed that memo. If we knew that, we would have never bothered sending boxes of shit to half the directors in Hollywood!
Every day is a school day.
Anyway, Pattinson’s ‘Twilight’ co-star Kristen Stewart is being touted for an award after getting a lot of praise for her work in ‘Welcome to the Rileys.’
Neither will win of course because every single award will go to Natalie Portman and her really nice face.