We don’t know about you, but we wish that the events in Twilight and New Moon would happen in real life.

We wish we knew a topless werewolf. We wish the world was really full of vampires. We really wish that Robert Pattinson would dissolve as soon as he comes in contact with sunlight. But, more than anything, we wish that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were a real couple.

But, sadly, they’re not. Robert Pattinson has told Vanity Fair as much. Which means that they are. Unless they’ve broken up. But they haven’t. Probably. Unless they’re not. Clear?

It must be so difficult for the cast of New Moon. Here they are, all ready to promote their new movie to the world, and their personal lives have suddenly decided to rear up completely of their own accord with no prompting from the New Moon marketing department or anything. It’s a terrible inconvenience for them, we’re sure.

Just last week we learnt that New Moon’s Taylor Lautner had found love with Taylor Swift, apropos of absolutely nothing. Next week we’re fully expecting to hear that New Moon’s Michael Sheen has somehow hooked up with a Jonas Brother. And this week it’s back to trusty old Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

If you follow this sort of thing, you may have noticed rumours in the press that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are a couple. These rumours have been fuelled in part by the undeniable onscreen chemistry they share, and in part by the fact that they’re almost definitely having it away with each other in real life. Believe what you read and you’ll know that Robert and Kristen do everything together. They eat together. They stay in hotels together. From looking at them, you’d think that they have competitions to see who can go the longest without washing together.

Except if you ask Robert Pattinson about any of this, he’ll completely deny it. We know this because Vanity Fair asked Robert Pattinson this recently, and he completely denied it. Look:

“It doesn’t make any difference what you say [to the tabloids]. I’ve literally been across the country [from Kristen], and it’s like ‘Oh, they were on secret dates!’ It’s like ‘Where? I can’t get out of my hotel room!’ … She’s influenced how I’ve done all the Twilight stuff. It’s quite nice to have someone who is genuinely indifferent to the whole spectacle of everything.”

So what’s the truth here? Are Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart a couple or aren’t they? Will the world soon be full of bored-looking, shit-haired babies who look as if they could do with a couple of hours in the sunshine or won’t it? Will knowing the answer one way or the other make you any happier or even affect your life in any measurable way whatsoever or won’t it?

It won’t? Didn’t think so.

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