Justin Bieber was on Oprah this week. Now the Twilight cast are, too. Next week: Barney The Purple Dinosaur.

Or a picture of a cat. Or whatever it is that teenage girls go crazy for these days. We don’t know. Anyway, Oprah’s Twilight interview will go down as one of the most awkward in history, because of one thing – Oprah made Taylor Lautner wear a shirt. It was horrible. He looked uncomfortable, his fans could barely recognise him, and Taylor Lautner’s nipples – furious about being ignored in public – are now planning to leave Taylor in favour of a multi-year deal on a series of low-budget firemen calendars.

Oh, and Oprah Winfrey asked Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart if they were dating. It was quite a moment – as soon as she asked it, Oprah was presented with a luxury food hamper for being the millionth person to ask them that. Congratulations, Oprah!

In a way, it’s great that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart won’t reveal whether they’re dating or not, because it gives the Twilight marketing department something to work with. Because what’s the alternative? Making the stars actually talk about the Twilight films? Imagine how boring that’d be. “So, Kristen, what was the biggest challenge of making the new Twilight film?” “Well Oprah, it was probably the part where I had to stare dumbly into space like a dickhead for the entire poxy movie.”

No, it’s much better to talk about whether Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are dating. It adds to the verisimilitude of the Twilight films, but more than that it gives Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson the opportunity to either shuffle around awkwardly or basically look ungrateful about their wealth and celebrity, which are the two things they enjoy doing the most.

So when they appeared on Oprah yesterday, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart ended up being asked in no uncertain terms whether they were a romantic item or not. Here’s how they answered, according to USA Today:

Oprah point blank asked, “Are you dating?” “Kristen’s pregnant,” Pattinson deadpanned, and Stewart jumped in. “He really loves to shock people because he thinks it’s funny. No, we’ve actually had this conversation. He’s having the baby.” Then she added, “Imagine a baby coming out of this thing,” as she patted her hips. “That’s just not going to happen.”

And just think, there’s a full month to go before Eclipse is released. That means we’ve only got to see Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart dodge the exact same question approximately 450 times between now and then. We literally can’t wait. By which we mean that we can wait. By which we mean that we’d rather eat glass than have to write about this again.

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Tagged as: Eclipse, Kristen Stewart, Oprah, Robert Pattinson, Twilight