Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are, once more, the most boring couple in celebrityville. That’s right. They’ve been holding hands and kissing and thinking about doing it missionary style again, which is terrible news for all of you simpletons who thought that, perhaps one day, you’d get the chance to look in his undercrackers.
The pair are back in Los Angles to begin filming Breaking Dawn and, instead of filming, the beige pair have been sloping off together to slowly chew food and nearly speak to each other.
Of course, an eyewitness who knew we all wanted something more salacious decided to ham it all up for more money, saying that the couple couldn’t keep their hands off each other! Gah. It makes it sound like they were fingering each other in public or something. Horrible.
Paparazzi were given the task of shadowing the most incredibly dull couple in Hollywood, hoping that maybe, just maybe, they’d crack a smile or do something other than walk around looking bored.
They did. The pair were spotted by the paps having a romantic dinner at the Italian restaurant. Well done to the pair of them for eating the most boring food in the world there.
And just to prove how staggeringly dull Robert Pattinzzzzzzzon is, here comes someone barely out of the amniotic sac to try and lead him astray.
That’s right. Justin Bieber has said that he really wants to hang out with the Twilight star on a night out trying to find girls. Seriously. A night of lollipops, driving around in a car listening to nursery rhyme tapes and looking for women.
Bieber stated that he really feels happy when he meets the ladies and would to attack them with Pattinson, who will probably be told to stay in and not stare at women’s breasts by Kristen Stweart. Bieber of course, can look at boobs all he wants because he still sees them as a nourishing lunch.
And aside from Bieber and Pattinson’s astonishing wealth, why would the girls be interested in these two bozos?
Bieber states that he's sure the girls would love to touch their hair. Get that? You girls just want to meet these idiots so you can touch their hair. OH! WAIT! He means pubic hair.
As you were. Screaming probably.
Si says
“the beige pair have been sloping off together to slowly chew food and nearly speak to each other.”
I very much doubt I’ll hear a better phrase than this in 2010
Nelly says
Mof Gimmers. You are one of those cyber bullies trying to make people feel like shit. You must be so perfect yourself to be writing these kind of things about other people.
Missy says
JEALOUS that most of the women of any age would love the just stand next to Rob and every preteen and teen girl would love to run her fingers though Justin’s hair. It sounds like that’s what’s wrong here! Plus probably alot of envy, so you need to SHUT. UP. Because the fans looooove these stars sooo much. Plus what kind ofname is Mof???!!!
Izzy says
wow this story was super bad first off, learn how to write your stories better second, Justin Bieber isn’t 5 years old he’s 16 stop acting like he’s a little baby and last, learn how to get better celebrity stories. thank you.
Love You Justin and Rob you guys are Amazing:)
Cathy says
you suck! most boring couples in celebrityville? Either you’re jealous or plain dumb :P
sharon says
There is nothing in this article that is remotely interesting. Once again, I can call the internet authors exactly what they are “CLICK WHORES!”
I suppose you would rather them go around acting like Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. I sounds like you are daring them to do something for you to write about. They are actors in a movie. They are NOT RESPONSIBLE for making YOUR living. Go write something legitimate. I dare you internet writers to go out and write something worth reading. A book, or an essay, a script, a real news article for a legitimate paper? Nah, didn’t think so. You are an disgusting excuses for writers.
I’m proud of the fact that these two are good kids and that they respect their careers and reputations. It’s seen very little of that in today’s youth. But I guess they really are a boring couple in your opinion. You can’t make as much money off of them if they don’t do anything shocking! I think you and your whole internet gossip sites are sick.
Vanessa says
Hola no entiendo ingles pero = me gusta byeee
Vanessa says
ho god you just what you want is q us feel like shit right? away from them that we are not fans.
but of course not happen so here ba say stop estupideses okkk!!
bye
malk. says
Finally something smart….Rob is probably gay,and jbieber probably is in love ;) relax, have fun,and that Kristen is a babe……..hottttt babe!!!!!loooove her
malk. says
yeaahhh…..I guess it’s new love couple?Love You Justin and Rob you guys are Amazing?
Eugene says
Justin may very well be 16. But he looks like he’s about 5.
Rob P. is probably concerned about if he’s ever going to be able to shake the type-casting he’s gotten as a result of the Twilight series. I hope he’s investing his Twilight paycheques wisely, because he may not have much of a career after this.
South Cali says
Why would a 24 year old man want to help a 16 year old kid that doesn’t know the true meaning of love get a girl?! Oh! Cause he can’t get them alone! IDK?!
Once he grows out of the puppy love phase I’m sure Rob and him can be great friends.
Donna says
This story was great.I hear Rob stinks real bad.So I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him,and Kristin looks like a skank herself.Will they ever go away?!
Eboni says
this article was stupid meaning less, and a waiste of my time. The reporter is a hater and jelous of Robert. Fuck you Get a life
Betty Geck says
why reply to junk!
ginny says
Well MOF Gimmer, first, are you educated? Your article does not read as if you are. Second, to write such a disrespectful article, I will join you on your level. You must be short, fat and ugly. Would you care to post any pictures of yourself and see how the females of the world respond to you. Third, I strongly urge you to seek a position that is better suited to your inability to properly communicate, and perhaps your education. I believe there is an opening at one of the zoos somewhere in the world. Have a good day.
Sarah says
Very true! Best phrase of 2010 by far!
desertann says
What a horrible “article.” What a dirty mind this so called writer has. What a waste of my time!
Si says
“Love You Justin and Rob you guys are Amazing:)”?
Jesus, at least the writer of the piece didn’t think he was actually in a conversation with the subjects in question!
Sandyeddiag says
Well put….I think you did a great job summing them up…..Whoever, buys into the crap that they’re together is crazy… I love Twilight, but these two have really put a damper on the groove of Twilight lovers…It seems Robert is falling into that “mad disrespectful, I don’t give a damn” attitude that Kristen has had all the while. Like others I’ll be glad to see this come to an end, because their attitudes have literally killed my Twilight buzz.
Gene says
Umm… I don’t get this.. I don’t think that he would say that… Just to touch hair and this story isn’t interesting :S
Betty Boop says
THIS IS BULL SHIT!
Sharene says
I must admit- this article is brilliantly written. Even as a huge Bieber fan, this made me laugh multiple times. But, hey! Bieber’s not all terrible, Mof! Yes, he may look like a walking fetus and can say things that can make one cringe, but primarily he’s just a sweet kid =)
Darja says
BRAVO! Just amazing! No words! Lol :)
Lisa says
Hilarious! And oh so true. Funny.
Cookie Monster says
Hey, fans, listen here! There was no mention of how hilarious it would be if a reanimated Michael Jackson, or an already animated impersonator, were to make this an involountary four-way. That makes this a near-news posting, damnit. Were it not for auto-tune, photoshop, and magic, this would be FACT (the greater case, and past-perfect-shorne of “fuck”).
(ed/) Fact check; did MJ have pubic hair? Research Pepsi/vampire/thriller bit. Does the last sentence make more sense than an MJ/Bieber fan? Consider caps.(/ed)
bruna says
b
Maddy says
That was probably the supidest article ever written.
1) Justin Bieber is 16…when you were 16, Mof, did you suck on women’s nipples for milk? The things some people say for attention :/ sad world we live in.
2) Yes, people would want to meet Justin Bieber and Rob Pattinson. Sorry that you’re not as successful and your hair isn’t as good, but get over it.
3) Pubic hair? That’s the best you’ve got? This site is supposed to be for grown ups, and that is the most childish thing i’ve heard in a while.
Think before you write. And write something productive.
Maddy says
Very well stated. :)
Maddy says
Sorry that you’re jealous that Rob has Kristen and Justin has success and millions of girls…but honestly, leave them alone. They did nothing to you “Malk”.
Maddy says
Justin looks exactly his age, 16.
You seem like one of those people who cyber bully and cause people to commit suicide. Nice.
Maddy says
Bieber fan? “Walking fetus” wouldn’t be in the category as a Bieber fan. :/
Lem says
Whyyy do people come on these sites just to comment on how the articles are rude? Of course they’re rude! It’s called a sense of humour! I have no particular hatred for Robert and Kristen (no comment on the Beiber..) but this still makes me laugh, it’s hilarious! Lighten up everyone, and if this site upsets you, just STOP READING IT. It’s a joke. And very well written humour at that.
Also, the tagline is clearly ‘Gossip for Grownups’. I don’t mean this offensively, honestly, but people commenting to stick up for Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson most likely aren’t adults…
Arkansas says
If Robert Pattinson asked me if I wanted to touch his hair, I would be all over that so fast it might just blow his hair right off! (I give someone else credit for saying this first, but I totally agree). – Justin, it ain’t gonna happen. Robert is a sweet person, but I don’t think he wants to hang out with a little kid. Maybe he did want a little brother, but he didn’t get one and moved on! He had to settle for two older sisters who dressed him as a girl and introduced him as Claudia.
janet says
i wouldn’t mind kissing rob either and you can ask anyone who knows me that i would give anything to actually meet him. and that whole thing with justin bieber i thnik is a rumor but people tell me that he said it on live television so idk and i really dont care because rob def. dont roll that way.
Nora Buckner says
I think Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart make a cute couple. I am shore Breaking Dawn will be very good. I can’t wait to see the movie.
noe says
hola a todos soy de argentina, y me encanta crepusculo la pelicula en la que actuo el. me encantaria actuar en alguna , pero estoy muy lejos, pero es un sue