What’s the best thing about Robert Pattinson? His intense lack of charisma? The way his speaking voice is the perfect auditory representation of carbon monoxide suffocation?
No! It’s his hair. As all shrieking teenage girls know, Robert Pattinson has the world’s dreamiest hair – it’s all tousled and unkempt and probably home to millions of undiscovered species of rodent. So if Robert Pattinson ever had a haircut, we’d probably kill ourselves.
Which is a bummer, because Robert Pattinson has had a haircut. Actually, forget killing ourselves; it’s time for plan B – find the hair. WE MUST EAT ROBERT PATTINSON’S DREAMY HAIR!
Tell you what, this Twilight 2: New Moon movie is going to be rubbish. Obviously that’s not saying much, since the original Twilight was an unmitigated pile of dismal faux-emo codswallop, but even by Twilight‘s standards the sequel is going to be awful.
We could just about stand it when Twilight‘s director was sacked and replaced with the man behind the monstrosity that was The Golden Compass, and we could just about stand it when people talked about sacking and replacing that weedy werewolf boy who looks like he still wets the bed – but that was only because we assumed that the real star of Twilight would be safe. But it isn’t.
We’re talking, of course, about Robert Pattinson’s hair. Even though it looked a little bit like the hopeless photos you’d see in small town barbers’ windows in about 1986, Robert Pattinson’s Twilight hair carried that movie. The way it yielded to the breeze without ever giving in to frizziness. The way it remained upright even when Robert chased and killed that deer in the woods. The way that the sheer amount of gel needed to maintain the illusion that Robert Pattinson doesn’t care what his hair looks like was single handedly enough to support the entire hairstyling industry during the credit crunch. God, Robert Pattinson’s hair is dreamy!
And it’s still dreamy. It’s just that it’s dreamy inside a hairdresser’s dustpan somewhere. You see, Robert Pattinson has had all his hair cut off. We’re too distraught to tell you more, so here’s the mighty Times Of Ohio to fill you in:
Twilight star, 22 year old Robert Pattinson, has a new haircut. His latest hairstyle is nothing like that of his vampire character, Edward Cullen. Robert has tossed the tousled, unkempt hairstyle in favor of a short, military style haircut. His new haircut should delight his fans, because his bangs are no longer falling into his face and covering his eyes.
What? What are you talking about, Times Of Ohio? That hair was the only thing distracting us from the fact that Robert Pattinson’s skull is shaped like a shattered egg! This means that there’ll be nothing to counterbalance his weird Frankenstein jaw in the new Twilight movie! You idiots!
Or perhaps we’re being a little hard on Robert Pattinson here – after all, the Twilight movies only exist to promote teen abstinence, and it’ll be much easier for teenage girls to keep their virginity if their vampiric fantasy figures now look like Michael Owen with Marfan Syndrome after an extended hunger strike. So good job Robert, we take it all back.
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OMG!! I have never seen the dude with the shocking hair before. I guess I should get out more and mingle?
This has got to be one of the funniest online wanks I have ever seen. Face it, girls – “Twilight” is wretched. It’s full of creepy, “overprotective” preternatural beings that force their will in one way or another on a high school girl, bordering dangerously on abusive behavior. Even creepier is the fact that all you sweet, impressionable young things are going to grow up thinking that it’s perfectly okay for a boyfriend to act like Edward does. You might even WANT him to!
“Twilight” is the worst thing to happen to adolescent culture since “The Best Little Girl in the World” made anorexia trendy back in the 1970s.
I love how the pro-Robert crowd seems to be coming out in droves to denounce the anti-Robert crowd as a bunch of “shallow”, “fat, ugly losers, WITHOUT boyfriends”, who are “jealous” and/or “fat 13 yr-old dike”s. Like it’s NOT shallow to spew hate at people who don’t agree with you. Like it’s NOT shallow to think “fat” is an insult. Like it’s NOT pathetically shallow to call someone a thirteen-year-old water-retaining structure because you don’t know how to spell “lesbian” or the epithets for that particular term. Look it up in your Redneck-English dictionary, I’m sure it’s in there.
I’m not fat. I’m not ugly. I’m not thirteen. I’m a perfectly intelligent 29-year-old man that’s older and wiser than you, that’s seen friends come stumbling and shattered out of abusive relationships, that’s horrified by the current trend of teenagers to self-destruct before they reach adulthood, and that sincerely hopes you work out some of that vitriol before you try to join society at large – because if I have to meet one more snotty, disrespectful, spoiled, over-the-top, arrogant, ignorant, overvalued, overprivileged, undereducated, vapid, hairsprayed “tween” diva, I just might lose all hope for the country.
And yes, I do have a beautiful wife.
listen okay its his life he should b able to do watever he wants with his hair i no im just 13 but he is HOT either way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chelsea,
I bet you’re hoping Pattinson reads your defending comment and attempts to contact you to start a romantic relationship with you, a foul-mouthed potty head. Tip: Guys don’t like girls that come across as aggressive and cuss a lot. Also, stars don’t end up with people that claim to love them yet don’t know them as a person. Especially, those that defend them with name calling. Fans are a million in one. Meaning, there are a million of you that are the same in the eyes of stars. I’m sure he’d rather have someone he views as unique and indifferent to his star status.
Honestly, in my opinion, which is no less/more valuable than your’s or anyone else’s, he looks creepy and half-drunk in most of his pics. I’m sure you could do a lot better and find someone more obtainable.
Chelsea wrote:
“Ok, I began reading this article and I was so, SO unbelievably ticked off. What the fuck? “Carbon monoxide suffocation”? That is RIDICULOUS.
You people have absolutely no lives (especially the person who wrote this article). I bet you all just sit around picking on other people because you hate yourselves, and you are more shallow than a half-foot of water. Wouldn’t surprise me at all if you are all fat, ugly losers, WITHOUT boyfriends (because if you can’t find good in Robert Pattinson, I bet no guy is good enough for you!)
Just shut the fuck up, bitches.
I love everything about you, Rob. You are amazing, and I don’t give a shit what your hair looks like.”
It’s so sad when people go this crazy over a danged haircut. We all get our hair cut. It’s something that happens. Twilight is overrated anyway!
IT SUCKS!
is this the haircut?
—->>http://www.celebrity-gossip.net/images/photos/robert-pattinson-short-cut.jpg
ROBBBBERTS HOT STUFF DEFO =]
every other boy jus jealous cuz ur all buttaz compared ta him ..so go suck a donkey
robert
is simply amazing .. dazzling *everything
okay, amused, while i agree with you, i have to pull your card on something. one, not everyone here who is defending rob is a tweenie diva who wants a relationship with him, there are people here who just think the lad should be able to cut his hair without the world rejecting him as a person, two, dyke is another word for lesbian, and there are many people who cannot spell because of the world we live in with texting and internet spelling, three, you claimed it was shallow to think of fat people as an insult. you even listed further insults in your statement, but then you did exactly what you said you were against. “Redneck-English Dictionary”? come on, not everyone in the world who is not as intelligent as you think you are is a redneck or stupid. point four, what does your wife have to do with anything? five, there are girls who had been leading self destructive lives all over the world before twilight. i don’t think twilight influenced any behaviors. six, the only thing i found wrong with edward was how he snuck into bella’s room. that is a big no no, and any girl who is reading this, know, no guy is worth the trouble of sneaking in at night. you will get caught and that will end up in a huge mess, and you might never get to or want to see the guy again. speaking from experiance here. edward is protective, yes, but what is wrong with protective? i found it rather sweet, and yes, i have been in an abusive relationship. many, in fact. he cared about her, so he protected her from the most dangerous thing in the world: his kind.
now this whole thread is just fun to read. you girls should know that there are better vampire books out there: Anne Rice, even I Am Legend. i realize you’re only in your young, preteen years, but broaden your horizons when you’re older. for all our sakes.
Stuart, it is fine to have an opinion,we all have different preferences and it’s fine if he’s not your “type” no one will make u date him(not that u would have a chance anyway…ahem).but actors are people too, seriously think about it…majority people are UNATTRACTIVE! And we know it too! We don’t need it rubbed in anymore then is already obvious, seriously i pity any chick stupid enough to date u, she would NEVER feel good enough for you…why don’t u post your picture up there and show us what a “REAL” man looks like??
It’s just hair people it will grow back!Funny tho..i think i like him better with short hair…that having been said,his hair will always be a thing with most chicks,its just a women thing in general, so u might as well accept it babe. I have to disagree, however, his hair is NOT the “amazing” thing about him(sorry to burst your bubble Stewart),is it a bonus? Heck YA. I love blue eyes– bonus; a square jaw–bonus; height– definitely a bonus; British accent– holy freakin heck *melting*…. Stewart I would like to respect your opinion, but it’s utterly impossible because your entire argument is completely void of any such thing…don’t stoop to that level…state your thoughts,build a bridge and get over it, life will go on! Just as it did with Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. The ONLY beef i have with twilight and mad fans is rob is NOT the ONLY HOT GUY ON THE FILM! The entire cast is oh so sexy… Jennie Garth’s husband.. next to robert?! i mean c’mon! Out of this entire blog i think i agree with comments 1-leah,3-leah,4-perry,9-ariane and 10- claire…u guys rock i wanna be friends with u! we could hava sleepover and watch twilight when it comes out on DVD!
Stuart, you are just JEALOUS, JEALOUS, JEALOUS! He’s beautiful and so sexy and HOT!! No matter how his hair is, he always looks awesome.
lmao. this made me laugh because it is true.
i like Robert Pattinson, but i laughed. but then again, i have a sense of humor, unlike many tweens here.
A haircut wont change the fact that Robert Pattinson is gooorgoous … dude get over yourself
erika you’re dumb
seriously… you shouldnt make such a big deal over a freakin haircut. it’ll grow back, GET OVER IT!
I’m not a tween…but I like Robert a lot. Mr. Heritage seems a bit jealous to me. Some people just can’t stand to see another’s success, no matter what. I don’t really think Robert likes the fact that people are making such a big deal about his hair, cut or uncut, anyway – apparently he doesn’t care about their opinions, since he did get it cut. It doesn’t matter what his hair is like, the rest of him looks so good, who cares?
Why not post a picture of yourself, Stuart, and see what kind of reactions you get?
Whoa u r damn funny
I LIKE YA…
well the article isn’t about stuart, its about robert. and i don’t think stuart cares if a bunch of 12-18 yr old girls thinks he’s attractive or not. and i highly doubt he’s jealous, i make fun of bob dylan but i’m certainly not jealous of him. and robert probably couldn’t give a rats ass whether or not you people like his hair cut. its his hair. not yours.
Jealous much?
Who cares if he had a haircut? His hair was probably just extensions made for the movie anyway.
Secondly you, the writer, are simply jealous because you are probably a desperate virgin where as Robert is a sex god loved by millions of girls and woman world wide.
Eat your heart out Virgin douche bag.
Robert has always been ugly and he always will be but he looked way better before the haircut.
Doesnt he know half the girls that liked him only liked his hair.
i think he is going to loose alot of fans
This is the article is dumb! Just because someone get a hair cut they dont deserve to be trashed like this….i guess thats what comes with being so good lookin! Rob Pattinson is damn good lookin….i am married and would gladly divorce to be with him….i honestly dont believe he is a bubble headed celeb i think it is just a job!!! One thing i don know is God was just showing off when he made a man this good looking! i know who will be n my dreams tonight!
I love rob pattinson, but I thought this was friggin funny…
lust…nikki, u are my new best friends,indeed God was definitely showing off!
I think u are right, i think it is just a job to him, which is kind of refreshing.
Okay.This is my opinion.
Rob with his beautiful ruffled hair.Is gourgous.Fits the role of Edward perfectly with his hair.
He cut it..i have to say i was very surprised and upset.
But…think about it.It does grow back.It will all be fine. He does look hot with short hair.But in my opinion i liked it better long.Just my opinion.
But what i find seriously pathetic is the fact that people are making massive arguments because an actor…but his hair?
I mean im sorry but. GET OVER IT!
It really is pathetic.
And i just want to know this one thing.
IN THE MOVIE ‘NEW MOON’ IS HIS HAIR THE SAME AS IT WAS OR WAS IT SHORT?
Okay, stop saying, “It’s hair, it’ll grow back!” It’s getting on my nerves. Most of the people commenting this thing have already said that.
It’d be funny if this Stuart guy was sexier than Robert Pattinson. I’d die laughing.
oh and thanks addy for spelling my name correct, most people arent as intelligent enough, unlike you, to spell it my way…
Twilight is a horrible movie and Pattinson is really unattractive. Young ladies please watch Interview with the Vampire and find out what hot vampire or vampires look like. Better actors. Better script and director…and came from a better book.
This fact is in the trivia of twilight on IMDB:
“Stephenie Meyer had her own personal cast before all the roles were officially casted. They including Emily Browning as Bella Swan, Henry Cavill as Edward Cullen, Charlie Hunnam as Carlisle Cullen, Mary-Louise Parker as Esme Cullen, Rachael Leigh Cook as Alice Cullen, Trent Ford as Jasper Hale, Tom Welling as Emmett Cullen and Olivia Wilde as Rosalie Hale.”
Its a huge improvement. Why wouldn’t they listen to her.
“re: amused_as_hell Says: December 27th, 2008 at 8:39 pm -This has got to be one of the funniest online wanks I have ever seen. Face it, girls – “Twilight” is wretched. It’s full of creepy, “overprotective” preternatural beings that force their will in one way or another on a high school girl, bordering dangerously on abusive behavior. Even creepier is the fact that all you sweet, impressionable young things are going to grow up thinking that it’s operfectly okay for a boyfriend to act like Edward does. You might even WANT him to!”
“Amused as hell”..I concur with your comments. This is a real concern, if people really care to think about it. Movie was weird and creepy on a number of different levels that you mentioned in your posts.
The books were worse written by Ms. Meyer’s an American Author, (I’m hanging my head in shame) uugh.
Acting, directing (and that dialogue) was really bad. I laughed through it. I thought the hair on the vampire guy should have gotten its own billing. Thought it would jump off the guys head and start eating the girl.
Don’t know much about Mr. Pattison’s previous body of work (the vampire guy in this movie), but this one was a career breaker.
I think that we shouldnt spend so much time writing about famous people who dont know we exist i agree that robert pattinson is a very attractive guy and that most of the guys that are posting are mostly just jealous of how most girls find him attractive but if you spend this much time honestly carring about how rob pattinsons hair is then we as a society are falling down a slope of bad times.
twilight wasnt even that great of a movie the book was much better and if they would have had two less attractive main characters noone would have seen it
i have to say, even though i think robert pattinsons a sexy beast, this article cracked me up. your funny. whoever wrote it.
LOVE YOU ROBERT!
erika: don’t butter me up, i could care less if you’re super proud that i spelled your name right, i already know that i’m smarter than just about everyone who’s commented here, and that’s mainly because i’m much older.
and i don’t understand the jealously thing. just because the guys that commented think robert pattinson is dumb and unattractive, its certainly not because they’re jealous, its because they’re right.
if you girls are into vampires, WATCH BETTER VAMPIRE MOVIES!! or read better vampire books, you must must know that the twilight series is crap compared to other vampire literature. and if its the creepy guy w/ the ugly everything, then you all have terrible taste and you’re brainwashed and blinded by sexual tension. and if its the love story?? read nicholas sparks.
i can’t wait for the twilight craze to be over.
HAHAHA … this article is very funny!
I love Robert Pattinson, but this is hilarious. I bet Robert himself would think it’s funny
Thank you addy…I had my teenagers and their friends watch “Interview with a Vampire” the day after we wasted money to see Twilight to prove the same piont you’ve mentioned and they decided then and there Twilight was crap.
As far as having great hair, everyone in Interview had better hair then bobble head Pattinson.
Rob Pattinson is beautiful and charming. He is incredulously modest which is one of his many characteristics that I positively adore. He is an incredibly talented actor and musician. He is funny, witty, and yes he is charasmatic!! With his sexy tousled hair or without he is still perfect in every way.
Had to comment here people,finding it too hard not to!!
We all have our own opinions and unfortunately some people can not be made to realize that their opinion is not necessarily the ONLY one.
Have to say I enjoyed all of the books and the movie as well. Were the books great pieces of literature or the movie the best directed/scripted cinemagraphic piece since “Gone with the Wind”? No sadly to both,but…
The Twilight series did something I feel is truly amazing, it made not only MY daughter but millions of othe kids start reading!!! They read this saga for PURE PLEASURE,,.and alot of Mom’s and Dad’s as well!! I say Hurray for Stephenie Meyer for this.
We need to give credit where credit is due to our kids,you’d be suprised at how many kids realize that this is a work of fiction and no the difference between right and wrong!
I also noticed the issues throughout the series that people have brought. The hints of an abusive relationship,stalking, etc. I truly didn’t agree with Edward sneaking in to watch her sleep or spending every night with her but as for the other issues, I really don’t see them the same way as others do (even though at first I felt exactly the same), we have to remember that Edward was from a completely different time and era from Bella. Although on the outside he appeared to be just an average HS kid raised in the late 90′s/early new millenium but Edward’s thoughts and way of speaking at times reminds us that he is from an era so definitively different than ours. Men in the early 1900′s protected their loved ones. Over protective? Maybe. But abusive, I don’t believe so. And again, with these ideas representing themselves throughout the series we need to trust in our children. I had long discussions with my 13 yo regarding these ideas and was suprised in her ability to identify a lot of them on her own and to question how right they were. Our kids are smarter than they let on, they hide a lot of it from us so we don’t expect more from them.
Ok, well very long winded- I guess I am like Stephenie and unable to write a short story(or respnse)!
Peace out dawg!
so this is what the female version of the “my penis is whatever, is that normal?” thread would look like.
I think Rob is very handsome always with a cut or long hair He is FANTASTIC !!!! ets el millor maco
Ithink his haircut is ok.knda reminds me of Mr Jolie. Oh excuse me,Brad Pitt. Personally, I preferred it longer but hey, it is his choice-not ours
He looks so different. Maybe he did it on purpose so that he can leave his home and not be attacked-maybe not even recognized. He has stated he is afraid of the large crowds and the nutjob fans (my words,not his)
@re: haircut comment:
Did you all hear that you lonely, ugly, simple, tasteless “nutjob fans”!?! Pattinson fears you all. The hot ones are okay in small numbers.
Good God I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on all this fun. Wow. This must be like the longest comment thread I’ve like ever seen on Hecklerspray!!1!
Nice hair piece, Stuart (see what I did there?), but my all-time favourite remains the one where Posh Spice cut her hair and everyone was like oh my god she cut her hair.
hey so what if he cut his hair it grows back so dont have a fit and lose ur mind just because he cut it
Did I say “loneley,ugly,simple,tasteless”!??
Being elevated to star status over night has to be extremely scary. He is mobbed everywhere he goes now and can’t go out and do thimgs that he has always been able to do in the past because he is so recognizable.
I say “nutjobs” because I can’t imagine acting that way towards another human being. I have met several celebrities during my life and. some were one’s that I really liked and even in my 20′s I didni”t act all crazy and nutty
So Bob, don’t take what I said and turn it into something completely different. I wrote exactly what I wanted to say.
Whoever wrote this article must be a pathetic, self absorbed, masochistic loser with the mental maturity of a 2 year old. Insulting both the fans of Robert Pattinson, AND Twilight? Charming work, you must be VERY pleased with yourself.
Omg! it’s Just HAIR! It WILL grow back! it’s not the end of the world just cause a dreamy sweet british actor cuts his hair!
LOL go you Hollie
“The way it yielded to the breeze without ever giving in to frizziness. The way it remained upright even when Robert chased and killed that deer in the woods. The way that the sheer amount of gel needed to maintain the illusion that Robert Pattinson doesn’t care what his hair looks like was single handedly enough to support the entire hairstyling industry during the credit crunch. God, Robert Pattinson’s hair is dreamy!”
You think we’re stupid for loving twilight?
Just read back what you said. You sound an ickle pathetic, do you not? It is HAIR. Little strands of dead fibre growing out of someone’s head.
im sorry but i think this is the biggest crap on the planet ! twilight was amazing and the movie was not amazing coz of his hair … it is extremely sexy and stuff but it will be back for new moon AFTER ALL HAIR GROWs U KNOW !!!! tchh bullshit !
you know what i realy think you need to get a life because twilight was awesome. its a romance and it wasnt ment to be all goory and bloody like vampire movies coz it is a ROMANCE NOVEL AND FILM not a horror/ thriller!! … mayb it wasnt as good as the book which was expected cz of the time limit but it was pretty good . secondly taylor lautner is awesome there is nothing wrong with him . third its just hair it grows – he can do what he wants with it even though i prefer it long . he is however still gorgeous. fourth i hve proof that guys r just jealous cz i have frends that hve admitted it so ye… lastly ROBERT PATTINSON IS PERFECT IN ANY WAY AND MUCH MORE TALENTED THAN ANY OF U HATERS OUT THERE !ID LIKE TO SEE U PLAY PIANO, GUITAR ,MODEL, ACT, SING AND BE GORGEOUS AT THE SAME TIME!!! dont talk unless u know what you are talking about coz if you are going to make up bullshit dont bother!
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