Kristen Stewart would be there. At least one of Taylor Lautner‘s nipples may have been down as a heavy pencil. The whole thing should have been so incredibly star-studded that it was bound to provoke enough involuntary urination to make the City of Westminster look like that bit from 2012 where the White House gets taken out by a tsunami.
But that dream is in tatters now. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner have decided that they won’t be attending the London premiere of Twilight: Eclipse. Stewart and Lautner we can understand, but what’s Robert Pattinson’s excuse? That he’s washing his hair? Oh, hardly.
Maybe we’re being too unnecessarily harsh here. Of course Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner don’t hate British people. One of them used to be a British person, for crying out loud, until his hair took over and he became an official resident of The Enchanted Bogswamp. They’ve decided to attend the British premiere of Twilight: Eclipse next month, but they’ve all got perfectly good reasons for it.
Robert Pattinson, for instance, has pulled out because of a scheduling conflict that means he’ll be filming Water For Elephants instead. Kristen Stewart can’t be there because she’s realised that she’s starting to look less and less uncomfortably awkward in public, and has cancelled all appearances until her team has invented a pair of knickers made of stinging nettles and broken glass that can bring the trademark Kristen Stewart scowl back where it belongs. And Taylor Lautner won’t be there because, oh, his nipples want to backpack across Mexico or something.
The important thing is that British Twilight fans don’t get upset. There’ll be plenty of other Twilight: Eclipse stars at the premiere, as Digital Spy reports:
A statement from Eclipse‘s UK distributor E1 Entertainment revealed that franchise stars Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen), Kellan Lutz (Emmett Cullen), Nikki Reed (Rosalie Cullen), Alex Meraz (Paul), Booboo Stewart (Seth Clearwater) and Xavier Samuel (Riley) will all be present at the premiere.
Oh brilliant! Booboo Stewart will be attending the premiere! You, know, Booboo Stewart. He plays Seth Clearwater, who is apparently a Twilight character. And these aren’t the only Twlight stars set to walk the red carpet in London next month – rumour has it that the dreadlocked sort of Matrixy werewolf bloke from the last Twilight film will be there, along with the seventh extra from the left from the fourth crowd scene of Eclipse. You know, the one with the hat.