Next month’s London premiere of Twilight: Eclipse should have been amazing. Robert Pattinson would be there.
Kristen Stewart would be there. At least one of Taylor Lautner‘s nipples may have been down as a heavy pencil. The whole thing should have been so incredibly star-studded that it was bound to provoke enough involuntary urination to make the City of Westminster look like that bit from 2012 where the White House gets taken out by a tsunami.
But that dream is in tatters now. Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner have decided that they won’t be attending the London premiere of Twilight: Eclipse. Stewart and Lautner we can understand, but what’s Robert Pattinson’s excuse? That he’s washing his hair? Oh, hardly.
Maybe we’re being too unnecessarily harsh here. Of course Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner don’t hate British people. One of them used to be a British person, for crying out loud, until his hair took over and he became an official resident of The Enchanted Bogswamp. They’ve decided to attend the British premiere of Twilight: Eclipse next month, but they’ve all got perfectly good reasons for it.
Robert Pattinson, for instance, has pulled out because of a scheduling conflict that means he’ll be filming Water For Elephants instead. Kristen Stewart can’t be there because she’s realised that she’s starting to look less and less uncomfortably awkward in public, and has cancelled all appearances until her team has invented a pair of knickers made of stinging nettles and broken glass that can bring the trademark Kristen Stewart scowl back where it belongs. And Taylor Lautner won’t be there because, oh, his nipples want to backpack across Mexico or something.
The important thing is that British Twilight fans don’t get upset. There’ll be plenty of other Twilight: Eclipse stars at the premiere, as Digital Spy reports:
A statement from Eclipse‘s UK distributor E1 Entertainment revealed that franchise stars Ashley Greene (Alice Cullen), Kellan Lutz (Emmett Cullen), Nikki Reed (Rosalie Cullen), Alex Meraz (Paul), Booboo Stewart (Seth Clearwater) and Xavier Samuel (Riley) will all be present at the premiere.
Oh brilliant! Booboo Stewart will be attending the premiere! You, know, Booboo Stewart. He plays Seth Clearwater, who is apparently a Twilight character. And these aren’t the only Twlight stars set to walk the red carpet in London next month – rumour has it that the dreadlocked sort of Matrixy werewolf bloke from the last Twilight film will be there, along with the seventh extra from the left from the fourth crowd scene of Eclipse. You know, the one with the hat.
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Tish says
You know this whole article is a bunch of Bull….! Give these people a break. What do you mean was once a Brit? Rob will always be a Brit but when you have to work you have to work. Anyone who works for a living knows that. I am sure if Rob could anyway possible be in England he would be as he loves England. So get off it and stop printing out such garbage.
StuFan#1 says
OMG!!!!!!!!!!1and all ready there is a comments coming from the fan (see be cause theres’ only one of them hahahah!!!!!!1 which want to) bring down Stuart Heritage well let me be able to tell you that Stuart Heritage has never gone down and you can,t make him ever do itthat (go down) so just may is well stop now???????/ He own,s this webpaper so don,t you even think how much your hurting him with your daft words and your aching abdomen’s so just take them away and play with them some where else puulleaseee??????/ (your daft words and your aching abdomen’s)
Tracy says
The headline, The headline, What’s up with the false article? Stop writing garbage about people you don’t know. Why are you talking shit about Kristen? Did she do something too you? Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
_Blaggins says
I genuinely don’t know what I love more, your twilight articles, or the guaranteed ridiculous fan rants that ensue.
They entirely miss the point of the article in question, much less the website itself, and only serve to
a) highlight how it’s true that really anyone can get access to a computer
and
b) entertain me
So thanks, one and all. keep up the good work!
P.S. OMGWTFBBQ!!11!!11!!one!! someone somewhere on the internet is criticising R-Patz, quick, to the keyboards!
;o)
David Schwartz says
Glad to see some people do get it _Blaggins
stella says
I hope you really mean everything you write, otherwise it would be worse than Lost.
tanya says
haha – love your comment _blaggins
kitsunefox9 says
I agree with Blaggins one-hundred percent. I love reading some of the comments. For instance Tracy’s: Have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The exclamation points killed me. These guys and the MJ fans. The highlights of my night I tell you.
kitten says
@Stella
Come now Stella – have a sip of tea. Nothing could be worse than Lost. Feel confident that there are certain absolutes in the Universal Law of Suck that no franchise or it’s satire will tear asunder.
KStew Krew says
You suck. But, you did make me laugh, for about a half second.
Bec says
God the best thing about Kristen Stewart is the amount of crazy she seems to bring out in some people. Please keep the Twilight articles coming. Oh and remember, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ally says
i totally agree with tish! dont talk about people you dont know!
natalie says
Leave Kristen Stewart alone- I met her at the new moon fan event and she’s lovely. You clearly don’t know her. Stop printing this rubbish