Today is Robbie Williams' birthday, and he's celebrating in a time-honoured way – by realising that he's got a huge dependency on prescription medication and clattering off to rehab before anyone can say "Of course, Gary Barlow was always the talented one."
According to a brief statement by one of his spokespeople, Robbie Williams had admitted himself to an unknown rehab facility in America to battle another round of substance abuse problems – this time it's apparently prescription medication that Robbie is trying to kick. The timing of Robbie Williams' newest stint in rehab literally couldn't have been worse – not because of Take That's career rebirth or the effect it'll have on the promotion of his new album, but because we only just sent him a giftwrapped gigantopack of Dilaudid for his birthday. In retrospect we should have probably got Robbie a Build-A-Bear Workshop voucher instead.
Robbie Williams is a man who still attracts controversy like no other – although, to be fair, he does bring a lot of it on himself. For instance, if the legally ungay Robbie Williams naming a track on his new album Dickhead and then shrieking "I've got a bucket of shit" six times in a row during it didn't make you think that something might be amiss, then Robbie Williams ruining everyone's Christmas by moaning about how the world is too awful for children probably did.
Either way, things seemed to be piling up on Robbie Williams towards the end of last year – Take That reformed and got all the love for once, Robbie's Asian tours were cancelled due to 'stress' and his Rudebox single was called the worst song ever by the frightening-looking woman who works for The Sun. And now Robbie Williams has landed himself in rehab, as a statement from spokeswoman Bryony Watts said:
"Robbie Williams has today been admitted into a treatment center in America for his dependency on prescription drugs. There will be no further comment on this matter."
It's actually quite refreshing for a celebrity to go to rehab for a treatable cause for once, instead of an unfortunate case of gay-hating or for describing the Jewish community in a less than flattering way. Compared to that, Robbie Williams' treatment for prescription medication addiction should be a breeze. Just look at Keith Urban – getting off booze in rehab only cost him three whole months of his life, a place at an awards ceremony and the respect that comes from not trying to escape from rehab over a fence.
Unless this is all part of a disgusting plan where Robbie Williams got himself hooked on prescription drugs just so that he could try it on with fellow rehab bunny Lindsay Lohan, of course. Which it might be. In which case we kinda wish we thought of it first.