People liked Robbie Williams, in general. And people thought that Gary Barlow was a fat idiot. But now times have changed, and people generally like Gary Barlow and think that Robbie Williams is a fat idiot, so that sounds like the perfect time for a reunion.
According to reports, Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow have teamed up for a duet that’ll appear on Robbie’s new greatest hits album. The rest of Take That were scheduled to appear on the track, but that idea was dropped when it emerged that two of them can’t sing and the other one was probably busy being balls-deep in a woman that he wasn’t married to at the time.
This, readers will probably remain the biggest news in all of music until the day that Brian Harvey and Tony Mortimer from East 17 put aside their differences to record a glorious new follow-up to their hit Do U Still. That’s right – it may have been a while since they became friends again, and an eternity since they began their slightly nauseating “You’re so great” “No YOU’RE so great” moony-eyed mutual masturbation shtick, but Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow have finally recorded a song together. According to The Guardian:
Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow have reunited on record, the first time the pair have collaborated for 15 years. The former bandmates have written and recorded a track called Shame for Williams’s forthcoming greatest hits collection. The track was announced shortly after Williams, 36, and Barlow, 39, joined forces for a charity football match in aid of Unicef.
Now, don’t get too excited about this. Yes, it would be nice to see the two driving forces of the biggest British boyband from the 1990s patch up their tattered relationship and put out a song together, but don’t forget that the song isn’t due to be released until October, and this is Robbie Williams and Gary Barlow we’re talking about here.
In the next four months, who knows what’ll happen? Chances are Robbie Williams will decide that he hates Gary Barlow again, and grow a beard, and scrap his greatest hits album in favour of a conceptual piece involving him whispering the names of everybody who’s ever said anything nasty about him over some ice cream van music. And Gary Barlow might quit music to do whatever he can to get that knighthood he’s so transparently desperate for.
We can hope, anyway.