Some things we’ll go to the grave not knowing. Like, for example, do people really watch Brothers & Sisters? Really?
Also, we’ll never know what happened between Rob Lowe and his nanny Jessica Gibson. Last year Lowe claimed that Gibson was trying to blackmail him and sued her, only for her to hit back with a countersuit, saying that Rob Lowe waggled his willy at her and kept trying to put his hands in her knickers like some kind of box-faced Benny Hill sketch.
Anyway, Rob Lowe and Jessica Gibson have dropped their lawsuits now so, long story short, pfff.
Try as we might, we’ve never thought of Rob Lowe as a particularly sexual person. Why that is, we don’t know – it could be because his face looks like it was built out of unusually smug Duplo, or it could be that he once filmed himself having sex with an underage girl and so thinking of him in connection with anything sexual creeps us the hell out. It’s probably the first one, in retrospect.
And that’s why last year’s malarkey between Rob Lowe and his nannies was so unexpected. You may remember that last year Rob Lowe sued all of his staff – some for allegedly swearing, some for allegedly having sex on his bed and then stealing all of his medicine and, in the case of nanny Jessica Gibson, for allegedly lying about giving him a massage. The lawsuits came as a surprise for three main reasons:
1 – It seemed like quite a heavyhanded reaction.
2 – We’d previously forgotten that Rob Lowe had ever existed, and
3 – Surely Rob Lowe would be too busy licking posters of his own chest while listening a tape recording of himself performing Mr Loverman by Shabba Ranks to notice it had even happened.
But more of a surprise was that Jessica Gibson countersued Rob Lowe, claiming that he liked nothing more than to flap his penis around at her and try and shove his hands down her knickers. What really happened between them? We’ll never know, because both Rob Lowe and Jessica Gibson have decided to drop their lawsuits. EW reports:
Both sides have reportedly requested that their respective lawsuits be dismissed, according to court records. Lawyers for both sides declined to comment to People, so it’s not known if a financial settlement was involved.
In many ways we suppose that a quiet, confidential end to this dispute is in everybody’s best interest. Particularly ours because every time we’re reminded of anything to do with Rob Lowe we think of this song and then we have to spend two afterwards hours quelling the urge to hurt people.
Anyway, it’s all over now, and both Rob Lowe and Jessica Gibson can get on with what they enjoy doing best. We don’t know what that is in the case of Jessica Gibson, but for Rob Lowe we’d imagine it probably involves covering himself in baby oil, drawing a pastel picture of himself riding a unicorn across a rainbow and trying to lick his own face. That’s just how we imagine Rob Lowe spends the majority of his time.