Khloe Kardashian used to be my favorite Kardashian, partly because I felt super bad for her. Always getting shit on for being a little thicker, a little taller than your average female. Considering she also seemed to have the best head on her shoulders, it was a damn shame. But now I think Rob Kardashian may be slowly taking the title away from Khloe.
Poor Rob flew all the way out to Paris for his sister’s wedding, and he left before it even happened. In tears. Tears. Oh Robbie, I want to give you a big hug.
Rob Kardashian has had a tough couple of years. As both the only male Kardashian left, as well as the least profitable for Mama Kris, it is pretty obvious he is the least loved of the Klan. I mean, if no one is paying you to pose half naked in a magazine, then really what fucking good are you? The answer is no good, and the pain of being not enough for even the bottom of the barrel Kardashians finally took its toll on Rob.
For a while, Rob battled his feelings of worthlessness by banging Disney stars to a point where they’d get his name tattooed on their asses, and partying with his sisters’ significant others. But after so many years of his soulless sisters asking Rob when he’d get a real job and stop leeching off of their cum stained coattails, it all became too much for Kardashian, and it seems he turned to food for comfort.
And boy, did he blow up. No no, not blow up in the way Kim blew up her asshole or her lips. Sadly, Rob just blew up his waist line. And it’s made his life a bitch. People all over the internet are constantly cracking fat jokes, he probably hasn’t gotten laid in a while by a woman who isn’t being paid in some way, and its given his family even more ammunition to fuck with him. Take Kim’s wedding to Kanye for example. Instead of them all treating this like the sacred third divorce of Kim’s short lifetime, they used this as an opportunity to made Rob feel about his jiggly bits again, and tell him he needed to lose weight before ruining their photos.
Poor Rob hired a life coach, a trainer, allegedly went to “fat camp,” all in preparation for Kimye’s wedding. But Ho-Hos are a bitch to give up, and he really didn’t shed any weight. So after he arrived in France last week for the wedding, he quickly got into with his family over the fact that he didn’t love the family enough to make sure their future OK! Magazine cover looked its best. In his defense, Kris’ face has already ruined the picture, so it’s really shitty to try and blame Rob’s ass for being bigger than Kim’s.
So in between Kanye making ridiculous statements like calling the Kardashians “the most remarkable people of all time” and one of the younger ones swapping spit with Scientology’s Anti-School prophet Jaden Smith, Rob engaged in a big ol war with his family. After they were fucking shallow bitches for giving Rob shit for not getting thin enough for family pictures, he called out Kimye for their over the top wedding. Which, while totally true, made no difference whatsofuckever, and the fight ended with Rob getting on the first flight back to Los Angeles.
And as if life wasn’t bad enough for Rob, the paparazzi caught him doing this while in tears. A grown ass fucking man and they caught him crying like a bitch. Oh I just want to hug Rob and tell him it’s okay while giving him a big ol plate of chicken and waffles.