Rihanna and Chris Brown are just like Romeo And Juliet – alright, half Romeo And Juliet and half Kickboxer 2.
But that’s not the point. The point is that Rihanna and Chris Brown’s love can’t be halted – not by media intrusion, not by tabloid speculation, not by Chris Brown allegedly going berserk, repeatedly punching Rihanna in the face and then choking her into unconsciousness because she discovered he was cheating on her.
And now that Rihanna and Chris Brown are apparently back together, guess how Rihanna’s family are reacting. Are they thrilled or overjoyed or a little bit arsed off? You’ll never guess.
Despite everything that he allegedly did to her face – possibly in a revenge attack over the fact that, despite being a girl, she’s still able to grow a more convincing moustache than him – yesterday’s news that Rihanna and Chris Brown were back together didn’t really come as a major surprise to anyone.
Why? Well, Rihanna’s love for danger is well documented in songs like Breakin Dishes and I Love Being Smacked In The Face By Men Who Obviously Don’t Respect Me, while it’s abundantly clear that Chris Brown would wedge his tongue into a kitten’s anus and dance the Macarena if it meant that he was still allowed to have a music career, and getting back with Rihanna is one notch down from that.
So you know what? We should all just relax and be happy for Rihanna and Chris Brown. They’re in love, so it doesn’t matter that the only way they know how to display that love is by re-enacting the ten most violent Tom And Jerry cartoons shot-for-shot on a daily basis. After all, Rihanna’s family are pleased that she’s got back with Chris Brown, so we should be too.
What’s that? Rihanna’s family aren’t pleased that she’s back together with the man who some – OK, us – are calling ‘a mutant hybrid of Trevor from EastEnders and a combine harvester made entirely out of human fists’? Goodness, we didn’t see that coming. People reports:
“Everyone wants them to take a break, to cool off,” a relative of Rihanna tells PEOPLE after the pair returned to Los Angeles together early Monday morning. “No one wants them back together. I’m concerned,” continues the relative. “I don’t want her to make a mistake, and I don’t want her to ever go through his again.”
We have to say we’re a little stunned at this Rihanna family member coming forward to say that don’t approve of Rihanna getting back together with Chris Brown? Isn’t it common etiquette in this situation for relatives to say that Rihanna probably deserved it because she’s got a funny voice and is probably a ho? Or is it just Chris Brown fans who say that? Oh, we’re so terribly confused.
But in truth, we are pleased that Rihanna and Chris Brown are back together. Because it means now we’ll probably have to write about Rihanna and Chris Brown every single day until the end of time itself, and we sure do love the sensation of having our spirit crushed by two idiots. We really do.
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Julian Mentat says
Is there a play by Shakespeare called ‘Kickboxer 2’ ?
JoeMomma says
Personally, I’m a little dissapointed with some of the commments here. Are you telling me the unwashed masses that listen and follow these two clowns don’t have anything prolific to say? If there aren’t any heartfelt messages left by people with a broken keyboard I’m going to stop following this story. I mean if you can’t count on the chronically unemployed to provide commentary on E grade celebereties, then you can’t count on anything.
Annoyed says
This was stupid. Not gonna lie.
Mithaearon says
leAve chris alone Hez th a man.
Bah I can’t be bothered to even pretend to type like what we are going to get (Diana???) soon. The stupid hurts too much.
KC says
Haveing been attacked by an erratic women, and even having my tires slashed repeatedly, I will reserve judgement on Chris and Rihanna. None of us know the full story, so jumping to judge makes no sense. I know the law says that women are untouchable and even implying that they shouldn’t be makes you a villain, however there are vioently aggressive women in the world believe it or not. This is not to imply that Rihanna is at fault either, because like I said, we truely don’t know. I’ve heard three different “rumors” on what lead to the incident.
kiki says
well that wrong what chris brown did he shouldnt never hit her he should of walked away and by ms r say that he beat her and seeing he and geting back 2gether is not rite man and chirs brown u no better then to do that to that prity gurl she to prity to be going throw this..
LIL MS KIKI AND WHAT I THANK LOVE U YOUR BIGGEST FAN
lgf_808 says
My prayer is that she is wise enough to bypass this cycle of abuse and enjoy the rest of her life without the fear of him going off on her again.
Men who abuse don’t change “once a beater always a beater… Been there done that and if I could spare anyone the pain and unGodly damage it causes I would.
I pray she stays away. I hope hell has a nice spot waiting for him. I won’t buy listen or do anything to promote or support that pig. I hope he crawls back under his rock and that is only after he castrates himself..
JoeMomma says
lgf_808 this is a uk website you have to say “once a tosser always a tosser”
Tossers unite!
E. Bunny says
“Been there done that and if I could spare anyone the pain and unGodly damage it causes I would.”
“I hope he crawls back under his rock and that is only after he castrates himself.”
Awwwww!
Did you know that when the word unGodly and the suggestion of self-castration appear in the same post a blue-green feces fly gets its wings?
Rasha Hadeed says
~ I hate Chris Brown. Rihanna is so stupied that she still love him. If I were her I would broke up with him and tell the police on him~
James Grimes says
Just goes to show how dumb Blaqcks really are. She went back to him so she deserves all she got and all she get’s in the future. Dumb crackhead HO!!!
Gregory O says
Hilarious!
Elle says
wow thats amazing
Twinkee says
very stupid ur bashing on both of them!
are you that disappointed ur ur love life to bash them like that!
if they love each other let it be
im not saying they are right or wrong but they live there life not us.
annoyed by james grimes says
First off James Grimes, not all Blacks are stupid. Many women of different races go through abuse. Your comment just goes to show how ignorant you are. Learn how to spell please!
JoeMomma says
Twinkee
UR too smart. I ned help wit my taxez. Can you help a brotha out? Also I’ll give u mad cash if u pik somes stoks for me. HELP ME BEAT WALSTRET!!! LOLOLOLLOL@!@!! Show them whos da boss. Wut you say you in?
COATES says
This stuff happens every day of the week all over the world and do we give a flying f*%k about them, no.
aleshia says
i am so surprised from rihanna like why would she go back to chris brown after he beat her up ? well i still suppport them both 100% luvs rihanna and chris ? aleshia
anitaondeck says
wow i mean every bodies intitled to there opinion but i mean that does show that she is kinda weak and alot of girls are looking up to her and i personaly think shes not seting a good example but ur rite we dont no the who story and before you start sayin blacks are dumb look at ur own race cause its not just blacks and trust most black ppl are stronger then that so wow and all i gotta say is dnt judge until u been in there shoes
Julian Mentat says
I don’t think that ‘blacks’ are dumb.
I do think that people who don’t learn to spell or punctuate, are dumb.
I’d like to punch one of them in the face, but that apparently brings them all out of the woodwork, leading to a horrific feedback loop of ever more punches and illiteracy.
magnetite says
Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes…because by then you’ll have a mile head start and he’ll be in his socks. The stupid cunt.
Beth says
I’ll judge whoever I want whenever I want to – shoes or not.
euclid says
It really does take a special talent to misspell “stupid”
with the help of spell-check, no less. Wow.
3 stars for magnetite