Remember the first time you watched The Bodyguard? It felt like it was 37 hours long didn’t it? Still, nowhere near as long as the hideous ‘I Will Always Love YooooooOOOoOoOOOUuu’ haunted our pop charts.
As an aside, have you ever noticed that Whitney Houston looks like she’s having an alfresco dump as the key-change kicks in on the promo video for the song?
Anyway, Warner Bros are looking to remake the film about Whitney Houston being stalked by someone and then, ultimately, falling in love with one of the most boring faced humans on Earth, Kevin Costner. And sadly, it appears that they’re lining up Rihanna for the role.
Of course, putting Rihanna in a role where she’ll have to think she’s not interested in having some kinky S&M sex with someone is problematic. We’re under the assumption that Rihanna doesn’t really have any stalkers because she’s whisks them all backstage and rides them like stolen mopeds ’til they die.
And while the thought of RiRi being sullied by ballads and overwrought movie scripts, it isn’t nearly as depressing as the prospect of the other singers being associated with the film.
More likely to take on the role that Whitney Houston made so famous is Taylor Swift or Miley Cyrus. God help us.
It goes without saying that, thanks to this being an updated version, it’ll no doubt include a load of needless nods to the online world.
The stalker will probably use Twitter, Facebook and Google Maps in their attempts to have a quick wank on a washing line.
?The goal is to take a young female singer with global appeal and give her the platform that The Bodyguard did Houston?
Meanwhile, away from the silver screen, Rihanna is being linked to just about every single human on the planet for sexy times. Man, woman and beast – no-one is safe from RiRi’s rampaging vagina it seems.