‘Skank’ is a fine line to walk. I know – I have women friends. They will spend hours deciding whether an outfit is just slutty enough without going over the boundary into looking like a two-bit prostitute. Up until this week, Rihanna was just the right side of skank.
She managed to look just rough enough that you wouldn’t feel like you were going to become ill from kissing her, but too dirty to imagine taking her home to your parents. It was great. But then she ruined it.Boobs are pretty great. I think we can all be in agreement about that. But they don’t need ruining by drawing all over them – or under them, in this case. Rihanna decided this week to debut a new tattoo. In the spirit of the internet and its driving force – pornography – she decided to put up a photo on Instagram of her new ink. Which happens to be right under her breasts.
Now calm your leaping hearts, starsailors and 13-year olds of the world. Zip up your flies and put it away. This thing is ugly.
Sure, for a moment you’re distracted by the fact that you’re looking at Rihanna’s boobs. Not only that, but the most attractive part of the boob: the underboob (don’t believe me? Why do pornographers and Page 3 photographers constantly demand that their models wear their t-shirts in such a way that you only see the underside of their breasts? Because it’s hot, that’s why). That’s pretty great. But then OHMYGODWHATTHEFUCKISTHAT?!
I’m glad you asked. It’s Isis, Egyptian goddess and exemplar of the ideal wife and mother. And of course, it’s not just some Egyptian woman on Ri-Ri’s skin: it has?deeper meaning.?It’s a memorial to her dead grandmother, duh. Because nothing says “I love you dead gamgam” like putting a tattoo of some ancient Egyptian in a place that any man you’re having sex with cowgirl style is going to see at its fullest.
Showing that they have been out of touch since the 1980s, MTV said the following about Ri-Ri’s new ink:
“Classy underboob” might be an oxymoron, but we?d argue that Rihanna’s is definitely one of the least trashy ones we’ve seen. And since she’s definitely a trendsetter, you can bet we're going to be seeing a lot more underboob tats popping up soon. We?ll be watching and waiting, Internet.
Which is hilarious. Can I say for the record to any women out there: do not copy this style. Men don’t like it when you have a tramp stamp on the base of your back. That ruins asses for us. We’re certainly not going to enjoy you ruining boobies for us as well.
Take a look at this highly scientific diagram above. The areas shaded in blue are places we men particularly enjoy to be untainted – namely, the front and back bottom, the boobs and the face. (That means no Mike Tyson-esque facial tattoos, thanks.) Rihanna’s actions have meant that one of the three key erogenous zones has been ruined.
Of course, a woman’s body is hers to do with what she wants. But a body is beautiful in the way it is – and adding a giant Isis tattoo underneath some of the best bits of a woman’s body doesn’t help the beauty. It takes it away. It’s gone to the other side of skank – the bad side – and I for one am sad.
Sarah says
You need a hobby.
nollywoodvixen says
I agree!! I love Rihanna but I think this tattoo took away the beauty of her nude body. She should have put it on her back if she felt strongly about it or better yet not get t at all.
Callmecrazy says
Well done. Great article.
What a great example Rihanna sets for her millions of under age fans. What a joke.
aiisosa says
i think its pretty hot,im 12 by the way.
aiisosa says
its her nude body
Dinnyq says
Her body, her choice. It makes her happy, why should she care what we think? Her body is still gorgeous regardless!
nameswhatsthat says
i think its ok. it was for her grandmother that died. and rihanna says she doesnt want to be a role model for her fans. parents should watch there kids more anyway. i think it an ok tattoo it not a skull or ugly tattoo at least imo
Krisco85 says
I think it’s cute…looks good to me!! I don’t have an underboob tat but I do have a very tastefully done tat on my lady region…I have gotten more compliments than complaints…so I think your posting this from a personal opinion which your entitled to…but don’t bash the girl on her personal tattoo preferred locations…she and whoever she fuckin gotta see it…not you..
Katy says
I firmly believe tattoos are a beautiful way for an individual to express themselves. Women who have tattoos on there chest do not always have Acups. Sometimes just having boob with a tattoo is all you need or ass whichever location the tattoo is in. But to be biased about ALL men who do not like tattoos is ridiculous because men DO love women with tattoos (SOME) just have to know when and where is the right place and time. Rihanna should have gotten her tattoo on her forehead, I’m sure it would fit…
piss says
shut the actual fuck up. why are men always concerned with what women do with their bodies? don’t like it? good. writing articles in which you claim ownership and command over women, or as you like to call them, “sex apparatuses”, is a very effective way of making pretty much everyone see you for the trash you are. i hope rihanna shits on your chest and ruins your boobies for all of us.
ThePinkKirby says
I don’t understand what is hot about underboobs. Why would that be a thing that is hot to you guys?
Jo says
I feel sorry for you.