We’re sick of this. First Chris Brown hurts Rihanna, and now Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change has injured Rihanna so badly that she needed to be briefly hospitalised. You know the score, Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change – you need to make a YouTube video of yourself declaring that you’re not a monster, fulfil your community service obligations and appear on Larry King in a stupid bowtie, and even then we’re not going to allow you to be very famous again.
What’s that? Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change isn’t a person? Rihanna just hurt her rib slightly during an unspecified dance routine or costume change at a recent concert in Zurich? Oh. What a humiliating – yet somehow quite plausible – misunderstanding.
The bad news is that Rihanna has been injured. The good news is that there will probably won’t be as many teary-eyed interviews and desperate apologies and miserable songs about shooting yourself in the chest with a pistol as there were last time that Rihanna was injured. That’s a shame because a) we applaud any opportunity to make jokes about Chris Brown’s silly teeth and b) this time we can’t blame anybody for Rihanna’s mishap.
We really can’t. This is quite literally the Eyjafjallajokull of Rihanna-based injury stories. Nobody is at fault here. Trust us, vast legion of weirdos who take any opportunity to tell us that Rihanna deserved to be beaten up whenever we write a story about her, it’s impossible to pin this on anybody. Believe us, we’ve tried. MTV reports:
In the midst of her 27-date European tour, Rihanna suffered an injured rib that required a brief trip to an emergency room in Switzerland. The injury took place during Monday’s show in Zurich. Following the performance, Rihanna was taken to a private clinic. “[She] had an injured rib and went to have it looked at to be sure it was nothing serious, and it wasn’t,” the 22-year-old singer’s rep said.
Still, the main thing is that Rihanna isn’t seriously injured. That’s great news, because a prolonged stint in a hospital could have been nightmarish. Not just for Rihanna’s career, obviously, but because Chris Brown might come to visit her in order to to suffocate her with a pillow, or piss in her IV bag, or hide a baseball bat in his bunch of flowers, or flick grapes at her eyeballs, or dress up like a nurse and explode the place like The Joker in The Dark Knight. We wouldn’t put it past him.
Alright, that’s enough about Chris Brown.