Right, that’s it. That’s the last time we buy any albums by Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change.
We’re sick of this. First Chris Brown hurts Rihanna, and now Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change has injured Rihanna so badly that she needed to be briefly hospitalised. You know the score, Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change – you need to make a YouTube video of yourself declaring that you’re not a monster, fulfil your community service obligations and appear on Larry King in a stupid bowtie, and even then we’re not going to allow you to be very famous again.
What’s that? Unspecified Dance Routine Or Costume Change isn’t a person? Rihanna just hurt her rib slightly during an unspecified dance routine or costume change at a recent concert in Zurich? Oh. What a humiliating – yet somehow quite plausible – misunderstanding.
The bad news is that Rihanna has been injured. The good news is that there will probably won’t be as many teary-eyed interviews and desperate apologies and miserable songs about shooting yourself in the chest with a pistol as there were last time that Rihanna was injured. That’s a shame because a) we applaud any opportunity to make jokes about Chris Brown’s silly teeth and b) this time we can’t blame anybody for Rihanna’s mishap.
We really can’t. This is quite literally the Eyjafjallajokull of Rihanna-based injury stories. Nobody is at fault here. Trust us, vast legion of weirdos who take any opportunity to tell us that Rihanna deserved to be beaten up whenever we write a story about her, it’s impossible to pin this on anybody. Believe us, we’ve tried. MTV reports:
In the midst of her 27-date European tour, Rihanna suffered an injured rib that required a brief trip to an emergency room in Switzerland. The injury took place during Monday’s show in Zurich. Following the performance, Rihanna was taken to a private clinic. “[She] had an injured rib and went to have it looked at to be sure it was nothing serious, and it wasn’t,” the 22-year-old singer’s rep said.
Still, the main thing is that Rihanna isn’t seriously injured. That’s great news, because a prolonged stint in a hospital could have been nightmarish. Not just for Rihanna’s career, obviously, but because Chris Brown might come to visit her in order to to suffocate her with a pillow, or piss in her IV bag, or hide a baseball bat in his bunch of flowers, or flick grapes at her eyeballs, or dress up like a nurse and explode the place like The Joker in The Dark Knight. We wouldn’t put it past him.
Alright, that’s enough about Chris Brown.
For now.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
you got some real big issues, you can not afford to talk about Chris, you may be a murderer, rapist, etc. I think you having flash backs of your life
I love your shout-out to the “vast legion of weirdos.” Also, Chris Brown’s teeth are very silly.
Chris Brown’s teeth are not silly, he has a beautiful smile. You and the person that wrote this stupid article are just mad because yall’s teeth are probabably messed up from doing meth, loosers. He doesn’t have anything to do with what happened to Rihanna, so you should have kept his name out of it. Lamos, get a life, both of you.
Yeah Stu, you murdering rapist. Although technically that would be murdering necrophile.
this is shit! and i’m serious! u guys r so rediculous it’s not funny!rihanna hurt her-self in a COSTUME wat does that hav to do with chris borwn? get a life!
That article was very immature. How about you start acting your age!
beleeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyy dat
etc
you guys are fucking dum im sick of every time u mention chris brown u mention this hoe rihanna get the fuk over it ya worse than 5 year olds let them live there lives sheesh whoever wrote this article should be fired !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just leave Chris out of this. keep up the good work Chris Breezy
Just leave Chris Brown alone already. What does Rihanna hurting her rib have to do with Chris Brown. Stuart, you’re so messed up. Last year, Chris made a mistake. So what? Everybody makes mistakes, nobody’s perfect. Anyway, that incident was about a year ago, get over it. CB is very talented and I know he will keep up his great work.
wow,must be chris browns biggest fan! I dont think anyone cares this much.
fuck chris love rihanna
mentioning chris brown wont make this lay article get more customers to buy it.was just stupid talking about our BREEZY leave him alone
I think you are ridiculous. Chris brown owned up to his mistake which i think takes a lot of guts.you writing this article shouldn’t be the one to talk. People do stupid things and its there responsibility to own up to it. He has and i think you should back off. You shouldn’t be the one to talk about someone like that. Chris brown has the potential and hes going to show you up.
IMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! you r one sick guy! chris doesn’t even have contact with that bitch so relax… you are so… omg… hilarious with your exaggerations….IMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Chris doesn’t even seem like he wants her back anymore. Get over it. It’s been a year dude. Go to a psychologist… you acting like it was you… the chick doesn’t seem to even care about him anymore and vice versa with him, so what’s up with you???? LOL!!!!!
You called it, Stuart: “vast legion of weirdos who take any opportunity to tell us that Rihanna deserved to be beaten up whenever we write a story about her”.
And *POOF!* There they were, summoned as if by some arcane sorcery. Listen up, weirdos: Beating the holy hell out of a woman is not a ‘mistake’. Accidentally slamming her fingers in a car door, rear-ending stopped traffic because you dropped your crack pipe and you were bent over trying to pick it up, getting your love truncheon caught in a zipper-those are mistakes.
And a note to Carter: You can simply type LMAO. Your statement that Stuart is “hilarious” with his exaggerations is spot-on. That is precisely what was intended. But I must also offer some critique: You can simply type “LMAO” and be done. The superfluous addition of four dozen “O”s does not mean that your ass has been laughed off 48 times-not unless said detached ass somehow reattached itself prior to the next round of ass/body separation. It DOES mean that you are a wanker. Planet Earth is on the cusp of a worldwide letter ‘O’ shortage, and your excessive use has only exacerbated the shituation.