There’s nothing hecklerspray loves more than entering a TV phone-in quiz.
Seriously – it’s becoming an almost dangerous addiction. Over the last year alone we spent so much money dialling up ITV’s The Mint that we nigh-on sent the infrastructure of the global economy into fevered meltdown. Or something.
Yet – despite this predilection – we do have standards, you know. That’s right – if we’re phoning up a TV quiz, we want the answers to be so ludicrously impossible to guess that you might as well shout "arse-weasels" down the line at every opportunity and simply hope for the best.
This is why we’ve never played Richard And Judy’s You Say We Pay. And – judging from the furore that naughty Channel 4 has gotten itself tangled up in – it looks like no-one ever will again.
To the uninitiated, You Say We Pay is a segment of The Richard And Judy Show (imagine Good Housekeeping being read out loud by an acquitted shoplifter and a walnut-human hybrid) during which the hosts take part in an interactive competition.
Basically, the viewer – that’s you, you teatime-TV-watching dole scum – is shown an assortment of pictures and has to describe the object they’re seeing to Richard and/or Judy. Should either host guess right, the player gets more money. So, for example, if the caller was shown a picture of a chimp, they’d say "advanced primate from which mankind descended." If they were shown a picture of a kettle, they’d say "you’d use this for making tea." And if they were shown a picture of a big steaming pile of putrid excrement, they’d say "Vernon Kay."
Now, however, the show has found itself in hot water. It turns out that – despite calling up a premium-rate number – contestants have allegedly been chosen in advance, and that any attempts to ring on through to the programme prove as futile as giving Britney Spears a nice bottle of shampoo. According to the BBC:
The Mail on Sunday claimed leaked e-mails showed that the quiz's premium rate entry line continued to be promoted after a contestant had been selected. Icstis spokesman Rob Dwight said the regulator would ask to view the evidence that led to the Mail on Sunday article. It will also talk to Channel 4, production company Cactus TV and Eckoh, the provider of the £1-a-time phone service.
Richard Madeley is apparently fuming about all of this, telling viewers:
"A full investigation has been launched to find out exactly what's happened, and we won't be running You Say We Pay for the time being. Once we know the full extent of the problem, we'll be making arrangements for any viewers affected to get their money back."
By which he really meant:
"Oh, come on. You think we give a toss about any of you, you knuckle-dragging dunderheads? Keep phoning in! Keep giving us money! Keep on pressing those numbers, you inferior microwave-meal-eating plebian vermin!"
Possibly.
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Frank says
…and another bucket of whitewash please !
This isn’t the first time..the last was for plugging advertising .
Time for Richard and Judy to stand in the toilet bowl and plull the flush!
You’ve had your day.
Bye! Bye!
Dan Teetree says
No! I love you say we pay. What cack-headed idiot competition can they replace it with?
ManateeMan says
How’s about Takeshi’s Castle?