Rich Britney Spears Owns Poor Dogs

If you have ever been squeezed from the womb of a dog, chances are you are one such creature, and have a small non-myriad of doggy options with which to live your life.

Either you were born domesticated - in which case you'll likely be fine - or you were born in the urban-wild, in in which case you'll likely still be fine. If, so help you, as a puppy, the first time you open your little eyes you find yourself a whisker's-length away from Britney Spears' pupils, nostrils and teeth - you friend, are un-poetically boned!

Well, that's according to two recent dog-related magazine polls anyway. Spears has just been crowned 'worst celebrity dog owner,' and a pox has been placed on both her and her house.

We made up the pox part. The truth feels good, but not habit forming.

Apparently Kevin Federline was the one who brought a sense of decency to the Spears household's overall dog-ownership, because since she dropped him, Lit-Brit can't own K-9s worth beans - well as it would seem anyway. There are two dog magazines, you see, that have recently shafted Britney Spears to the best of their flea-ridden abilities.

Spears has been elected The 2006 Worst Celebrity Dog Owner by The New York Dog, and  The Hollywood Dog. Technically the readership of both magazines (i.e. probably the editor and their two writers) nominated Britney Spears as such, as it was all determined by a poll. Hilary O'Hagan, the editor of both magazines, said of Spears nom:

"Britney was the overwhelming choice for worse celebrity dog owner of 2006. O'Hagan said "She once had three Chihuahuas … and never left home without at least one of them on her arm. As soon as she met K-Fed and had kids, they (the dogs) disappeared."

We don't think the disappearance was so strange, what with Spears having to worry about not splitting open her baby's head and what-not. Oprah Winfrey, we're told, was nominated as the best Hollywood dog owner ever to walk the earth, but this year only. We're told the precise reason behind Winfrey's victory is possibly for getting each dog it's own private jet.

For next year's running, we'd just like those two magazines to take into consideration that hecklerspray is always very cordial when meeting dogs. We always give them crap-loads of people food, sizable chunks of our roommate's right slipper, and we're pretty quick to stick their noses into indoor dung-heaps.

Just something to mull over in '07.

Read More:

Spears Dogged For Poor Pet Ownership - E! Online