Rename the Large Hadron Collider! Win £500!

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September 12th, 2008 at 10:41 by admin

A competition is underway to find a new name for the Large Hadron Collider, which apparently doesn’t have a decent ring to it. Get your thinking caps on, you mothers of science.

The multi-billion pound machine needs a sexier brand, and scientists have dispensed with their usual methods by simply inviting suggestions from YOU, the GENERAL PUBLIC. How about Large Hardon Collider? Oh no, that’s already been done.

The Royal Society of Chemistry’s Richard Pike, a man named after a carnivorous freshwater fish, says “its name fails to reflect the drama of its mission”, and like all scientists he’s bang on. HEY! How about we call it the BANGONOMOTON? Ah, no.

Dammit, this particle accelerator may further our knowledge about the origins of the universe, something that will thrill the Creationists, Christian Right and Godsquadders in general. How about the ADAMANDEVEFINDERDEVICE?

What’s quite clear from the press release issued on the competition is that the chemists are green with envy about the physicists. Back to Mr Pike to explain why:

“As the universe is 13 billion years old, this means that for more than 99.99% of its existence chemistry has played a dominant role. Physics is therefore getting an enormous boost through funding of the LHC, in effect, to explore the first fleeting moments of why we are here.

“I would make a claim that chemistry, if it received pro rata funding, would be up for trillions of pounds to investigate the mechanisms of the origins and development of life, which would have immediate application within the community. That might be the basis of an RSC funding claim next year!”

Holy shit. The world is 13 billion years old? They never taught me that in church. How about we call it THE RELIGOBULLOMOTER?

So, good reader, what would YOU suggest? There’s £500 up for grabs! Note that there is an amusing caveat: “The prize will not be awarded if the Earth is destroyed before this time.”

To submit your entry email Jon Edwards, who is media relations officer at the RSC. Deadline is 17 September. Good luck.

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16 Responses to “Rename the Large Hadron Collider! Win £500!”

  1. Deborah Reader Says:

    New World Machine (NWM)

  2. Sam Mudkips Says:

    The God Machine

  3. Deborah Reader Says:

    Particle Orbit for World Existence Revival (POWER)

  4. KEN Says:

    WOTBLACKHO…

  5. --------------------- Says:

    Protons Electrons Neutrons Collider (PENC)

  6. J Bollocks Says:

    “Destroyer of Worlds” ™ or possibly

    “Apocalypse NOW!” ™

  7. J Bollocks Says:

    Actually I’m betting on Ben at this stage “WOTBLACKHo…” classical and minimalist.

    However, you might consider this slightly different idea.

    “Purple veined neutron pumper”(TM) aka PVNP(TM)

  8. D Souther Says:

    Its kind of similar but Large Hardon Collider…. yes i know its over used, not very original and … just wrong…

  9. G Constantin Says:

    Time Glow

  10. J Bollocks Says:

    It just goes to show that Proper Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance, so I’m resub’ing

    Purple Veined Proton Pumper(tm)

    it’s not only far accurate but sounds better!

  11. Melanie Says:

    KEN

  12. Dunc R Says:

    iGod

  13. The Dread Pirate Sausage! Says:

    THE GALACTUS COCK RING (GCR)

  14. George Says:

    rename it “HadWack” Had for Hadron, Wack for “Wacking” atoms (particals)

  15. James B. Says:

    9PLANETSANDSOMECREATOR

  16. RAYDEN CAPA Says:

    (CERN) CAPITOLISTS EXPLOITING REAL NATIONS

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