In Hollywood, there is a wicked rumour that there are no new ideas. Even a rudimentary poke around your memory will bring up a bunch of remade foriegn films, like The Ring, The Grudge and Shall We Dance.
Also Ray, Across The Sea, Finding Everland, Alexander, The Aviator, all life stories of real people. And then there are all the adaptations. Everything has been adapted. TV shows, books, even many local telephone directories have been given a big-budget adaptation.
What we need is a visionary, someone to take our hand and transport us to a new and exciting time. Where is this sacred being? Where, pray, this human of such monumental intellect with vast, original new ideas? Step forward Kirstie Alley, star of 2am ITV s(h)itcom Veronica’s Closet…
Ok, Kirst, what have you got? Blow us away… What’s that? Oh. ok.
A sequel to ‘Look Who’s Talking’. That’s what. But that’s so… so shit.
Explain yourself Ms Alley. "It might be fun, given all the high-tech lifestyles that we lead, to see how and what a new baby would make of iPod and the net etc."
Yup, that’s a real quote from the real Kirstie Alley. She wants to know how a new baby would react to new things.
All very well, but EVERYTHING is new to a baby. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be a baby. It’d be a tiny old man. A baby would react the same to the internet as it would to every single thing it ever sees.
"Wow, the internet" it would think. And then "Wow, shoes", and "Wow, my own hands". Probably.
Wouldn’t it be funny to give a baby an iPod? No, not really. Babies like colourful, moving things. Not small white rectangles. What would a baby do if you gave it an iPod? Dribble on it, that’s what.
And the whole ‘look at us, we’re so high-tech’ attitude has got hecklerspray vomiting blood with disgust. It’s an argument that could have been used at any point in history.
"What a laugh it would be to see a baby using our high-tech Soda Streams", she could easily have said 20 years ago, or "It would amuse us all to see a baby in one of our new-fangled perambulating automobiles".
A baby with an iPod? That’s not even funny now, think of how crap it’ll seem in the future when any music we want will be whispered into our ears by sexy lady robots.
Kirstie Alley, please don’t inflict this on us.
Please.
Besides, don’t you think you should have stopped making Look Who’s Talking at Danny DeVito as a talking dog?
ilar says
Thank you for great web site, i have discovered it recently, lots of good read