The Lord really has given me some true blessings in 2018 and we aren’t even a full month in! First, Justin Timberlake releases a sweet ass jam, and now the true queen of glamour, Lindsay Lohan, is starting her own cosmetics line AND designing an island!
Finally, I can achieve that “Long Island Middle-Aged Chain-Smoking Alcoholic Soccer Mom Who Also Does Coke When Her Husbands Out of Town” look I’ve been going for! And I’ll also have somewhere to live worthy of my extreme elegance!
First, let’s talk about Lindsay’s island, which is OBVIOUSLY in Dubai since bitch is totally a Muslim now (don’t forget her amazing birkini line!).
On The Wendy Williams Show yesterday, Lindsay told her fellow glamazon, Wendy, all about her new island:
“I’m discussing designing an island in Dubai, with The World Islands. I have a lot of little projects there because I like to keep busy.”
I totally get that. Us fancy ladies GOTS to keep busy. Lindsay is also planning on showing Kylie Jenner who the REAL lipstick queen is, because she’s going to be unleashing her own lipstick line onto the world. Lipstick colors already announced include Fire Crotch, I’ve Only Done Coke 10 Times, Samantha Ronson’s Labia, Mean Girls 2, Birkini Babe, and Confessions of a Teenage Coke Whore. I already want them all!!!
Lindsay’s island is obviously being named Lohan Island, and she even joked she’d going to out Trump, Trump with all her name branding.
I honestly and truly hope that Lindsay Lohan is the new Donald Trump. She’s already got the orange-skinned, pseudo-celebrity, full-on lunatic to the point that it’s culturally offensive thing down pat, and frankly I would love to see her as the next American president way more than that blow hard, Oprah, am I right?