Rehab Has Turned Lindsay Lohan Into A Gangster

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linday lohan paris hiltonLike  a modern version of the McCoys and Hatfields, the Lohans and Hiltons are at it again.  No, this isn’t a time warped story from 2006,  but the fact that it centers around Lindsay Lohan at a drug and booze fueled party doing stupid illegal shit, it does give you some serious deja vu.

The scene does differ slightly from fights of the past though, since instead of battling Herpes Queen, Paris Hilton, Lindsay got into with Hilton’s younger brother, Barron.  But in typical Lohan fashion, she had someone else do the dirty work for her so that she could deny any involvement the next day. And since her father, Michael, is backing up her story, you know she totally did it.Lohan has been in Miami for a few days for an “art show” (which I think is just code for Colombian Coke) and decided that as a person who struggles with addiction and sobriety, that throwing a massive party was a brilliant idea.  So Friday night Lohan called up all her best leeches and suppliers and had a grand ol time that last until the rsun rose on Saturday.

One of the guests at the shindig was the littlest Hilton, Barron.  For those who don’t remember, Lindsay and Paris Hilton used to be BFFs back when they both had relevance.  Then someone slept with too many of the other one’s boyfriends, or didn’t share all their Ecstasy, or some other unforgivable reason, and next thing you knew, they were no longer friends.  Paris took it a step further by publicly humiliating Lindsay every chance she got, and used scumbag dirtbag friends like Brandon Davis to call her a firecrotch and that Lohan smells.  So needless to say, I don’t think the two girls have been exchanging Christmas cards over the last few years.

Even with this feud, somehow the DUI loving Barron was invited to the party and hung out with Lindsay.   All seemed to be going well until witching hour came, and next thing you know, shit was getting talked and asses were getting beat.  Apparently, Barron was talking a ton of smack about Lindsay (or so she thought).  According to Hilton, Lindsay then got one of her male friends to kick his ass, telling Barron “You talk shit about me to my boyfriend, this is what you get.”  Afterwards, cops were called and Hilton pointed the finger at Lohan as the instigator behind the whole thing.

Lindsay of course claims total innocence, which should surprise no one since Lohan could be caught with vodka in her glass and powder in her nose and still claim they’re not hers.  Chick does not take responsibility for anything she does.  Her case isn’t helped at all by Michael Lohan coming out and saying that not only is Lohan not guilty, but that she left the party before all this even went down.  A little video showing Barron confronting Lindsay minutes after the fight shows a totally different story, but I am sure Michael will say next that the video was Photoshopped.

Because we live in a world full run by social media, Barron of course had to take a selfie of his injuries, add a filter, and post that shit on Instagram real quick. Screen-Shot-2013-12-08-at-9_36_54-AM

Big sister Paris took to commenting, saying

“They both will pay for they did.  No one fucks with my family and gets away with it!!”

With a few angry face emoticons added so that everyone knows Paris is super serious!

If I was Lindsay, I’d be a little nervous.  Paris is like a walking petri dish of diseases.  All she needs to do is wipe some really expensive sunglasses on her crotch, leave it somewhere Lindsay will be at, and next thing you know Klepto Lohan will have public lice in her eyelashes.

Now, some random dude named Ray Lemoine has come out admitting he is the one who laid the smack down on Barron, but says Lindsay had nothing to do with it.  Barron got lippy and tried to pull the “Don’t you know who I am?” card to Lemoine when he tried to kick Hilton out, which didn’t phase Ray any.  Hilton threw a tantrum, pushed Lemoine, so Lemoine responded back with his fists and beat the prissy rich boy down.

The cops are still looking into the situation, and I am sure they are treating it like the high priority VIP case that it is.  If we start seeing cops driving Audis, then we know Barron is going to get his way.  If the cops start scratching their genitals and looking like they are full of shame and regret, then we again know Barron will get his way while Lindsay ends up doing another Oprah interview.

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