You probably haven't bought any Avon products lately because Avon's archaic ordering and delivery process renders the system far more impractical than just going to the shops or buying stuff online – but that was before Reese Witherspoon got involved.

Because now when you buy a product from Avon you're not just buying affordable deodorant that smells like bat's piss, you're buying affordable deodorant that smells like bat's piss and has been given the Reese Witherspoon golden seal of approval. Reese Witherspoon has become Avon's first-ever global ambassador, a role that means Reese will only be allowed to wear, use, wash with, talk about and eat things from the latest Avon catalogue – plus it means that, in the event of an invasion by a fearsome technologically-advanced race of alien warriors, Reese Witherspoon will be the one who has to try and explain Avon's confusing and long-winded ordering and delivery process to them.

Here is an open plea – hecklerspray wants to be an ambassador for something. For anything. Every time we see Angelina Jolie cuddling an orphan in her role as a UN Goodwill ambassador we get so jealous that we have to go and punch a stranger in the mouth. It can't be that hard, either – Ralph Fiennes is an AIDS ambassador and he gets to have unprotected sex with as many flight attendants as he likes.

And the latest celebrity to join the hallowed ranks of famous ambassadors is Reese Witherspoon, who has taken on the important role of Avon's global ambassador. Not sure what Avon's global ambassador is actually supposed to do? Don't worry – Reese Witherspoon knows. As Reuters reports, it mainly just involves banging on about your kids all the time:

"As a woman and a mother I care deeply about the well being of other women and children throughout the world and through the years, I have always looked for opportunities to make a difference," said Witherspoon, who has two children by estranged husband, actor Ryan Phillippe… "I tried to do the best with balancing work and family. My children are the biggest priority in my life," said the actress who filed for divorce from Phillippe last November after seven years of marriage.

But as Avon's global ambassador, Reese Witherspoon won't just be asked to give vaguely-worded statements about her own children that don't mention Avon at all – she'll also be the company's celebrity spokeswoman, plus she'll appear in television, online and magazine advertising for Avon, plus she'll be the honorary chairwoman of Avon's breast cancer and wife-beating charity. And she'll probably have her own line of chin de-pointer out by Christmas, although that's just speculation.

But why Reese Witherspoon for Avon? Well, it's thought that Reese Witherspoon personifies Avon better than any other female celebrity around. Reese Witherspoon is a recent divorcee whose mere presence causes photographers to punch five-year-old girls in the face and then kill themselves. Not only that but Reese Witherspoon will sue you if you say she's pregnant. So really there's not a lot separating Reese Witherspoon from the average Avon customer.

But Reese Witherspoon should be wary of her new role as Avon's global ambassador – as Charlize Theron proved, anything less than a fervent devotion to the company that you're being an ambassador for will be punished with a giant lawsuit. So while Reese Witherspoon might think that becoming the worldwide face of Avon is a good idea now, let's just see how happy she'll be when she's forced to go to the Oscars honking of Soft Musk.

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Reese Witherspoon Heeds Avon Call To Be Spokeswoman – Reuters