Hello dipsticks. We haven’t done a readers’ letters for a while have we? To be honest, we’ve been busy. Busy lording it up at an award ceremony and, prior to that, begging you for votes and rigging the process so that we definitely won.
Also, we’ve been very wounded by those slating the video. We take all your insults personally and it’s very hard of us… *bites fist and fights tears*… sorry… it’s just… we try our best y’know?
Okay. We don’t. We’re lazy. Very lazy. And unprofessional. And liars. Either way, we’ve waddled back to the foetid sack of letters and correspondence and, Christ, you lot are still as barking as ever. Shall we have a look together? You’ll find some white-supremacy and bad spelling!
So, first off, we’ve got the Beliebers on our case as usual. They’re taking up the slack left by Michael Jackson fans who probably don’t love the King of Pop now he’s dead. They’re so fickle. So remember Justin Bieber coming out talking about a dog as opposed to that whole He Might Be Having A Baby thing?
One reader yelled:
“you possibly want to post this shit to just because u ain’t worth to tell a shit in this gossips, anyway he is just way too far to be good to have it with a girl instead of the girls are really insane want to be pregnant with justin, now that’s the gossip we have, ain”t right?”
Answers on a postcard to the usual address.
Elsewhere, our review of Young Apprentice caused some grief. Sam Johnson wanted to level all sorts of things at us.
“I bet when you were 17 you weren’t half the person these ‘little twirps’ are. Go and write a real story-at least they’ll end up doing something better than writing for a pretty much unread article. But if you want to encourage teen sex, be my guest. What sort of position are you in to judge them!?”
On the contrary Sam. We said that LORD SUGAR was encouraging teen sex and, we spelled ‘twerps’ correctly. If you’re going to troll us, do it properly. Badly berating also was cute little Roshan.
“this article was written in bad taste, the last paragraph in particular about Mohammed was pretty harsh. you are the type of person that makes other people feel low about themselves and enjoy it. the internet has alot of wonder things but you use it to heckle others. Mohammed may have been annoying yet he has achieved much more than i bet you have in your whole life. he has a proper business and only aged 16 while you write article unnfuny unoriginal artilces.”
What makes you think they’ve finished?
“ohh by the way he may be small as continously joke about but i bet my mortage that you would wouldn’t have the guts to tell him that in his face up front. you are probably a fat slob who spends their life in front of a computer. you just use the anonymity of the internet to critise others. why don’t you get up and do something yourself. i usually never get angry on the internet but people like you really annoy me.”
Roshan then followed this up with:
“i bet you will remove my comment eh?”
This saw the marvellous BP Perry getting involved, replying to Roshan with
“I’m also willing to bet my mortage that the writer of this post would wouldn’t have the guts to tell this tiny little boy that he is only visible through a microscope in his face up front.
It’s fat slobs like whoever wrote this article – standing outside the tent critising anything that comes out of it – that are ruining the world’s largest pornography and cats-falling-into-toilets depository mankind has ever known.
Sham on you, I hop you burn in Hull.”
Brilliant. Of course, there was more abuse in store for us. This time, from someone who normally leaves positive comments. In our article which included the video of us winning our Cosmo Blog Award (which you can watch here), they noted that Ed. Mof’s appearance was…
“Now that’s funnier than watching midgets run track. Congrats, how much did you have to pay?!”
Elsewhere, we rightfully had a pop at hipster pin-up Lana Del Rey. Artua was compelled to get in touch to say:
My first post on your blog. You got to chereg Google and found what he was looking for, so I decided to leave and go to kommentray you pochsche. Or maybe you leave me a comment. I would be very happy. Thank you.
However, our COMMENT OF THE MONTH came from Steve Gray who replied to our story that Kitty from the X Factor had reportedly said something really racist. He wanted to use hecklerspray… yes, that’d be us who don’t have anything sensible to say about anything AND really hate racist pricks… to puke – and brace yourself – this:
“I can`t wait for the day when an X-Factor contestant drop the white genocide-bomb:
Africa for the Africans,Asia for the Asians,white countries for EVERYBODY!
Everybody says there is this RACE problem. Everybody says this RACE problem will be solved when the third world pours into EVERY white country and ONLY into white countries.
The Netherlands and Belgium are just as crowded as Japan or Taiwan, but nobody says Japan or Taiwan will solve this RACE problem by bringing in millions of third worlders and quote assimilating unquote with them.
Everybody says the final solution to this RACE problem is for EVERY white country and ONLY white countries to “assimilate,” i.e., intermarry, with all those non-whites.
What if I said there was this RACE problem and this RACE problem would be solved only if hundreds of millions of non-blacks were brought into EVERY black country and ONLY into black countries?
How long would it take anyone to realize I’m not talking about a RACE problem. I am talking about the final solution to the BLACK problem?
And how long would it take any sane black man to notice this and what kind of psycho black man wouldn’t object to this?
But if I tell that obvious truth about the ongoing program of genocide against my race, the white race, Liberals and respectable conservatives alike say that I am a naziwhowantstokillsixmillionjews.
They say they are anti-racist. What they are is anti-white.
Anti-racist is a code word for anti-white.”
No. Don’t bother trying to work it out. Feel free to re-read it a few times. We promise you that it doesn’t get any clearer the more you read it.
Still, one guy got in touch about his feelings and he made them perfectly clear.
i really love to see lesbians pleasing each other,it really turns me on..im a guy but i want to fuck lesbians.