We’re good to you fools. We all know how you want to get closer to the stars. You want to be so close that you can see inside their stomachs to investigate their lunches. Thank Christ for hecklerspray! Hip! Hip!
The ‘spray team have been tirelessly scouring all kinds of media, and can now, exclusively tell you how to read Paul Daniels‘ innermost feeling! Yessir! You can act like the Thought Police on the very man who created Wizbit. For those of you unlucky enough to have never seen Wizbit, he was a 4 foot wizard’s hat with stripey legs and a 7 ft breakdancing rabbit for a flatmate, you know.
The good money is on the betting that you lot have been fidgeting
and worrying about what Paul Daniels (Books) and his saucy wife The Lovely Debbie McGee get up to during their normal lives? Or, like us, itching to read a blow-by-blow account of how Paul Daniels manages to cope during a power cut. We’re right, aren’t we?
Well then, today is your lucky day. Because we’ve discovered the online diary of Paul Daniels. That’s right – not for Paul Daniels the teenage girl’s method of writing secrets in a book, locking it up and then hiding it in a drawer. No. Paul Daniels wants the world to know precisely all the ambient thoughts floating around his magic head at any given point in time.
No doubt, some of you people are scoffing and gagging at the thought
of reading a midget helium-filled hasbeen’s diary. But balls to you. In
Paul’s diary, you can get great words of wisdom such as:
Did you know that lighting a match after using a toilet IMMEDIATELY gets rid of any bad smells?
You can’t teach that kind of genius, and you lot certainly can’t
learn it. Sit in awe, wipe the spittle from your pronounced jaws and rub
your knuckles because they’ve been dragging on the floor for far too
long.
For years and years, society has tried to get into its celebretards
knickers, and now you can. Paul Daniels’ knickers. And what a beautiful
fit they are.
Get onboard the Paul Daniels magic thoughtwagon now, and leave a comment for the great man. He’ll like it… not a lot.
Read more:
[story by Mof Gimmers]